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minnow
Dedicated October 2011

I really would appreciate your honest opinion or ideas, please and thank you.

minnow, on February 9, 2011 at 10:16 PM Posted in Style and Décor 0 36

Today we attended FH's grandma's funeral. She'd been sick for some time, and we were expecting this. A month ago, he asked me if he and the GM (all of them his brothers) could wear pink ties on our big day. I hemmed and hawed and said, "we'll see." Last week, he asked again, and I said HE could wear pink. (Our colors are red, orange, and yellow, and I do not want pink anything!!) On the way home from the funeral, he said how excited his brothers are to wear their new pink (fuchsia) ties to the wedding (they wore them as pall bearers). Again, I did not give an answer. I don't want our wedding day to be overpowered with grief and sorrow for the deceased. I will have special roses in my boquet for our 4 grandparents who have passed on. I've considered separate ties for pictures and the ceremony, or a pink hanky for the guys. I'm trying to not be shallow, but as you have all said, after the day, all you have are pictures. I'm spending $900 on pics, and I want them as nice as possible.

36 Comments

Latest activity by Christina, on February 13, 2011 at 10:49 PM
  • Fonsetta
    Super July 2011
    Fonsetta ·
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    This is a tough one but you really need to talk to FH and tell him how you feel and maybe you too can come to a compromise. Maybe they can change into the pink ties for the reception. The pink hanky is a nice compromise.

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  • Ab
    Master October 2011
    Ab ·
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    First of all, I'm sorry for your loss..I do get the pink tie thing would be nice, but also get your side too, i mean wrong colors in the bridal party can throw off the whole pics..maybe a possible compromise? could the guys all wear pink socks? that way they can pull up their pant legs like in some of the pics, it would be cute..talk with him about other things he might want to do, like having a candle lit at the reception..maybe there could be a tiny bit of pink in the bouts..but honestly if push came to shove, like it became an issue and he really wanted it I'd probably let them go wtih the pink ties, if it were my FH..good luck deciding!

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  • Amy "Been here too long" W.
    VIP November 2011
    Amy "Been here too long" W. ·
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    I would wait a few days before bringing it up. Saying it now will make you seem insensitive. I would let him know that you REALLY don't want pink ties and how you have already agreed on that. No matter the reason behind the ties he is still not considering your wishes. You considered his and compromised. He needs to do the same. Good luck with this.

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  • Mrs Lilow
    VIP June 2011
    Mrs Lilow ·
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    Aw, let him have his pink ties, woman!! Sometimes we brides forget that this day is just as much for our future hubbys as it is for us. I understand not wanting to have clashing colors, but perhaps you could alter your color scheme...have you already bought BM dresses and decorations??

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  • Sharon
    Master June 2010
    Sharon ·
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    I have to agree with Mrs L, it is his wedding too. It would make his day if he could wear his pink tie. Honestly in 50 years will you look back and think omg those ties clashed or will you think about what the gesture meant for him to honor his grandmother? I say screw the colors, or maybe adapt your colors a little if the clashing would really bother you.

    You are marrying the love of your life who is such an amazing guy that he wants to honor his grandmother on the most important day of his life. You did good!! Smiley smile

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  • Patricia
    Master December 2011
    Patricia ·
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    I 2 agree with Ms. L, it's his wedding too, the color scheme should be decided between you 2, that's how FH and I came up with our colors, we decided TOGETHER. Although fushia is not red, but it's kinda close, perhaps you can substitute the red for it and make the colors, fushia, orange and yellow. I personally do not see the big deal, let him have this, men don't usually demand a thing when it comes to this wedding stuff but when they do it's become it really means something to them. Let him have his fushia ties.

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  • Nicci
    Master July 2010
    Nicci ·
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    Yeah I'm with Ms L and Sharon. It's his day too. My sil, cousin and myself all wore an orchid hair clip in our hair in memory of our gma who passed away in Nov 2009. It def did not a have grief and sorrow feel to it. It was a lovely momento. I'd let him have them wear the pink ties. When I see my wedding pictures and see a flower in my hair that doesn't match my bouquet (daisy) I don't see the clash I see my gma at my wedding.

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  • Danielle S
    VIP June 2010
    Danielle S ·
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    I have to agree with those who said let him have the pink tie. I mean this is his day too. And it obviously sounds like it would mean a lot to him to have this. I don't see the big deal. Make some adjustments in the color scheme where you can.

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  • EdubbsWife™
    Master October 2011
    EdubbsWife™ ·
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    Definitely sorry for your loss. Yeah, I am with the others. It seems like he really wants this. Is it possible to work it in? I saw these and while it doesn't have the red, I think it can be worked in nicely on your tables and your bouquet.

    These are from an etsy designer: http://www.etsy.com/listing/23423192/sale-fushia-and-orange-paisley

    She has such nice designs, I am sure she could offer you some suggestions on how to make it work. Also talk to your florist for ideas.


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  • randi
    Super September 2011
    randi ·
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    I honestly think it is a a great way for him and his brothers to honor his grandmother-- Its a small request. I understand where you are coming from, and even if you dont like the idea, I dont think anyone could honor their loved one in a better way. It is a kind gesture and Im going to have to agree with Sharon, Mrs L and the other ladies.. its also FS day. You both have your own unique ways of honoring your deceseased grandparents-- both ideas (of the flowers and ties) are very kindSmiley smile

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  • Sheila
    Master May 2011
    Sheila ·
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    Give the man his tie. i think in a year,5 years 50 years u will regret him earing the original color more than if you just let him wear pink. maybe ou an work in a few pink detail here and there so it dont stand out QUITE so bad.

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  • countrybride*H*
    Master April 2012
    countrybride*H* ·
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    I agree with everyone else, and let him have the pink tie. My FH is always saying its my wedding, and I'm always correcting him saying its not just my wedding its OUR wedding. Personally I think pink would look fine with your colors, would they be ok with maybe a baby pink instead of fusica or do they specificly want fuscia?

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  • Miss Michal
    VIP February 2012
    Miss Michal ·
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    I must say, pictures aren't worth anything if you're recording an event where you didn't have fun. If you really can't stand the pink ties, Photoshop them out. Let the guys wear the pink ties.

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  • Kacie
    Super October 2011
    Kacie ·
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    I agree with the others.. If the picture you put on your wall or in your home you don't want the colors clashing there is always black and white photos. but I think it would mean a lot to your FH if you let him have this one.

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  • Michelle
    VIP September 2011
    Michelle ·
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    It's his wedding too, if it really means THAT much to him, then whats the problem? what if he wears the tie for some pictures, and at the reception?

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  • NowMissyL
    VIP May 2012
    NowMissyL ·
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    Yes, let him have the pink tie. My honest opinion is that it just doesn't seem fair to him and his brothers to try to have them do something else. It isn't so much about grief and sorrow as it is about them honoring their grandmother. I guarantee you it'll make them happy and it'll make you not look insensitive if you just let them have their pink ties. There probably would be some negative comments/thoughts against you if they weren't able to and that's something that you probably don't want to have to deal with for the rest of your life. Just saying.

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  • minnow
    Dedicated October 2011
    minnow ·
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    I appreciate your comments and ideas, and thank you for your condolences. I know it’s his day, but I feel it’s supposed to be my day too. He has had the final word on the date, the food, the DJ, photographer, and half of my bridesmaids!

    I was worried someone would mention the décor/colors. I always wanted a spring wedding, and was unable to because of his allergies. I got that idea out of my head, and fell for fall and fall colors. I will not change my colors nor let go of my pumpkins. In addition, I do not like the color pink, especially the hue of these ties. Grandma had 3 weddings of her own; she doesn’t need one more. You all say to let them have the ties to honor their grandmother, but why should his family get so much more attention than mine? I don’t want to turn this celebration of our union into a day for the dead.

    I do appreciate your ideas; thank you.

    Ohhh crap… {{{{sighh}}}}

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  • Edwina
    Master August 2011
    Edwina ·
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    Well if you truly feel this way, then you should talk to him about it. If he picked everything else, which you neglected to mention in the initial post, you should have something that you want. I hope that you guys can come together with some type of agreement.

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  • Kaara
    Devoted October 2012
    Kaara ·
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    Honestly I think its a great way to honor his grandmother, and I would have no issue with it.

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  • Ab
    Master October 2011
    Ab ·
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    Maybe a different pink shade then? However it sounds like you might have already made up your mind about the ties, maybe even before the post. Sort it out with FH when you feel its appropriate to do so, you guys have a bit of time. Good luck! :-)

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