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Dedicated May 2022

i think i may be a Bridezilla 😳

Steph, on March 29, 2021 at 2:07 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 16

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My BF and I have been together for 13 years... yes, a looong time! We have a house, kids, business, and everything that goes with being married except we have both adamantly stated that we didn’t see the point in having a wedding. I have had an engagement ring since the second year we were together, but never made the effort to go through with plans on actual nuptials. I know..... just silly. Fast forward to our young adult lives and we began talking about it. Finances are great, we have everything we need in life so after covid hit home and his father was very sick ( and recovered, thankfully) we decided to move forward. My reasoning is not only for legal reasons, but mainly because we are lucky to have all of our parents alive and I would like for us to have those memories. I don’t want that regret later on. So January of 2020 we decided that we would do it. At first, I was trying for this August. I then decided it would be better to have it next May because I hate rushing to get things done. We made the announcement to our families and I have wasted no time in getting things done. I mean I am waaayyy ahead of schedule on a lot because once we booked our venue I just got the ball rolling on things.
Before I get into the “bridezilla” moment, let me just give a backstory so that everyone reading this fully understands my thoughts. I am a person that does things alone. I do not ask for help and I am NOT the type to ask opinions of friends when choosing an outfit . I enjoy high fashion, and I rarely follow trends because in my circle I AM the trendsetter (which I hate, because I like to be my own person)
Now let me explain my MIL. (Yes, the wonderful Mother In Law) she is on one hand a loving woman that has raised 4 sons and (according to her) I am her ONLY daughter. On the other hand, she is a woman that has VERY wicked tendencies and enjoys ruining other peoples happiness. I’m not saying this because I think she is that way, I am saying that because she quite literally has done this before my very eyes to others and has bragged about it to me! She is extremely jealous, and spiteful. So now that I’ve said that let’s get into my self proclaimed moment. My Future MIL asks me if she can have 5 invitations for guests. I tell her no, because this was discussed beforehand with my other half because she invited random people to his brothers wedding and there were 10 guests that RSVPd with no seats as a result. (Keep in mind, we are paying for our own wedding and not our families.) I then decide to compromise and tell her she can have 2 invites to which she tells me that she didn’t really want them it was a “test” to see if I would give it to her and I “failed” .... wtf?! Fast forward 3 weeks later (last week) and she announces that she is getting married in September (this year). She then proceeds to ask me to help her plan her wedding (not a typical “renewal of vows” that people who have been married 41 years do, a full on in church, full reception at a hall, wedding) She then asks me to go with her to her appointment to find a dress. So I go because I’m trying to be a supportive, loving, daughter. She didn’t even love the dress she chose, she actually picked it because she seen how much I loved it! This whole thing is killing me because I can’t help but to think she did this out of spite. I have told this to everyone and now I look like the jerk because I’m killing her whole “wedding dream” by voicing the fact that this time is supposed to be about me. I know mine is a whole year away, and I know her wedding is 8 months before mine, but I can’t help but to be upset about it. It sounds petty but I assure you I am typically a very passive person.

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16 Comments

Latest activity by Steph, on March 30, 2021 at 8:44 PM

Super June 2021
Elizabeth · on March 29, 2021 at 4:51 AM
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So MIL does sound toxic, but in this case, you are being a bridezilla. "now I look like the jerk because I’m killing her whole “wedding dream” by voicing the fact that this time is supposed to be about me." You want a whole year and a half to be about you and your day?

It sounds like she is having a party because maybe she never had a big wedding like she wanted, and your idea to get married inspired her. It actually doesn't seem like she's doing it out of spite.

We each get one day. Not a week, not a season, not a year, and certainly not more than a year of spotlight. There's room for both of you to have a beautiful day.

Also I would be flattered that she got a dress that you liked. That's a compliment to you and means she trusts your sense of fashion.
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Devoted October 2021
Gabby · on March 29, 2021 at 7:02 AM
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No I find it odd that your mil who has been married 41 years would randomly plan a huge vow renewal right before her sons wedding. Yes you only get one day and you're trying to be supportive but I would think something was up if my mil randomly planned an elaborate renewal right before our first wedding.
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Dedicated May 2022
Steph · on March 29, 2021 at 7:11 AM
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You are absolutely correct about everything! Unfortunately, even with me already knowing all of that I cannot help but to be upset about it... which again, is unlike me at all. Thank you for the input.
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Dedicated May 2022
Steph · on March 29, 2021 at 7:19 AM
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And this right here is EXACTLY why I am upset about it! They had plenty of time, money, and opportunity to do this before. Also maybe my whole idea of what it’s like when you plan a wedding or become a bride to be is way off because I swear with everyone I’ve ever known it’s non stop wedding talk for a whole year.
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Expert July 2021
Lauren · on March 29, 2021 at 7:36 AM
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There are many things to be irritated at here. However, I don’t think her wedding 8 months before you is it. As everyone stated you get a day. If she wants a new wedding let her have it, even if it’s weird. Would you get mad at a friend getting married the same year? Probably not. This seems like something to let go.
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VIP May 2022
Ava · on March 29, 2021 at 8:29 AM
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Reading your story, I do not feel like you are being a bridezilla at all! It actually sounds as though you are being the opposite of a bridezilla. You are not throwing tantrums about your MIL’s ridiculous behavior; on the contrary, you are holding in all of your feelings of frustration, and our outwardly supporting her decisions (whether you feel supportive internally or not). Totally NOT bridezilla behavior. The fact that she has purposefully (and apparently gleefully) gone out of her way to destroy other people‘s moments, then decided to give you a nasty “test” to see if you would bend to her will, would lead me to believe that she is being vindictive as well. That being said, there’s obviously nothing you can do about it. And considering her past behavior of taking pleasure in destroying the special moments of others, she likely relishes in knowing she is getting under people’s skin. So I would go out of my way to act supportive in front of her and never show her your frustration, because that’s likely what she wants. Once she realizes she can’t get to you, she will probably (hopefully!) stop trying.
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Expert April 2022
Fred · on March 29, 2021 at 9:22 AM
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I Couldn't agree more with Ava!!
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Super July 2023
Eniale · on March 29, 2021 at 12:22 PM
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First: her little "test" was wicked, manipulative, and rude. MIL was way out of line with that. I would be making sure she understands that any opportunity she had to invite people she wanted has been officially revoked and won't be reinstated. That, I think you have a lot of reason to be mad about.
Now that I've established that...
Maybe I'm the only one who noticed this part: his father, your FIL, got very sick and recovered? Is this also MIL's husband that she is renewing her vows with?
I'm just saying, if my husband got very sick and recovered, it might trigger a desire to have such an event, without having anything whatsoever to do with what my DIL is doing.
Maybe she is doing it to be a jerk. Maybe she is doing it to upset you. Maybe she is doing it to upstage you. What can you do about it?
The fact that her vow renewal is eight months before yours means you're still getting eight months without her event looming. Your save-the-dates won't even have gone out by the time hers happens. With that in mind, I do think you're being a bit of a bridezilla, simply because you are upset that you aren't getting to be the star of the show for over a year while you plan. And I can totally understand why you want that, because your wedding was a long-time coming and you're finally getting your moment. But that's exactly it: it's one moment. Not a whole year.
Also, I will say - I think you will still find people are inclined to make you the star anyway because you're having a wedding. You are a bride, she is not, no matter how big and lavish her event is.
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VIP January 2019
Maggie · on March 29, 2021 at 12:46 PM
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"This whole thing is killing me because I can’t help but to think she did this out of spite. I have told this to everyone and now I look like the jerk because I’m killing her whole 'wedding dream' by voicing the fact that this time is supposed to be about me."
It's good that you can recognize this problematic behavior in yourself now, so that you can avoid it going forward. It's fine to be annoyed about your future MIL's behavior. But the instant you start complaining about her to other people in the context of your wedding (which her behavior has nothing to do with), then it makes you look bridezilla-y. She can be jealous but she can't compete with you if you don't play her game.
It sounds like the remedy is bowing out of helping her plan her vow renewal AND not discussing your own wedding plans with her. Change the subject, defer to your future spouse (who should be handing his own mother anyway), leave the room, don't answer the call...whatever you need to do to put some distance between you and her is a good thing.
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Dedicated May 2022
Steph · on March 29, 2021 at 6:01 PM
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Yes, I am a very self aware person so I know it was a full on bridezilla moment..lol
I have decided to nevermind any feelings I may have about this being a spiteful move and just go with the “let them have their moment” and focus on that. I definitely will not be sharing any details pertaining to my wedding, but I will help her with hers.
Thanks for the encouragement and honesty! 🌹
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Dedicated May 2022
Steph · on March 29, 2021 at 6:16 PM
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You’re absolutely right, and I know how ridiculous the entire thing sounds. I decided to fall back on my “it’s all about me” because 1. I hate attention (ironic, huh? Lol) and 2. It’s so far away I have more than enough time to relax. I’m going to focus on helping my MIL live her best life and have her wedding because I get it. I guess I was just being a brat because I didn’t want to do the whole wedding thing and now that I’m in it I’m excited. Thanks for the words of honesty and encouragement
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Dedicated May 2022
Steph · on March 29, 2021 at 7:12 PM
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1000% correct! Only I have expressed my feelings to my other half as well as my family. Lol definitely not to her. My sister is the one that pointed out the possibility of me becoming bridezilla and I don’t disagree. I am going to be my happiest though because if that is the motive, it’ll come out eventually.
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Rockstar December 2022
Michelle · on March 29, 2021 at 7:47 PM
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You are not a bridezilla in the least. From what you mentioned, she admits to and revels in being cruel and petty to others. For your own mental health moving forward, it would be in your best interest and that of any future children to set boundaries and cut off all contact with her immediately before it gets worse. Your fiance needs to back you up on this. Unless you want to spend your lives with everything being a competition and you "not good enough" for her.
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Devoted October 2021
Kk · on March 29, 2021 at 8:56 PM
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Never apologize for your feelings, they are always valid. And I think a small amount of venting to a friend is healthy. As long as those feelings don't turn to actions, you're fine! I would be annoyed too, especially with her history of vindictive behavior.
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VIP April 2022
CountryBride · on March 30, 2021 at 11:39 AM
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This is my opinion I think that your mil is being toxic however I think you're being a bridezilla to judge what your mil is doing with her wedding you get one day all about you, she gets one day all about her. I think it's sweet that she is including you in her planning, I do understand your feelings though My cousin got engaged right after me not even a month later and is getting married 2 months before me and broke my heart and hurt my feelings that she didn't even include me in her bridal party, but she included my older sister, I included her in mine because I wanted too,. I feel like she is stealing some of My thunder but at the end of the day I am happy that she is getting married
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Dedicated May 2022
Steph · on March 30, 2021 at 8:44 PM
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That’s just it, the history of vindictive behavior. I’m not sorry for how I feel, maybe just a little embarrassed that I allowed it to take me out of character a bit.
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