Hi, everyone.
I have been on here for quite some time, but mainly as an observer. Long story short, my FH and I decided about 6 months ago that we were ready to get married. We knew we weren't really interested in having a wedding for a few reasons. (1) We feel like a wedding is a big show meant to entertain your guests, not honor your commitment to each other which is the whole point of the wedding. (2) The amount of money that would be spent on the type of wedding I would want IF I was to have a wedding could be used much better in other places such as a down payment on a house, renovations to the house, etc. which we are in the process of doing. (3) We have already been dating for ten years and at this point we are just ready to make that official commitment and move forward with our lives together.
So since we had already planned a vacation to DC for the first week of April to see the cherry blossoms, we decided it would be a cool idea to elope and get married there with just the two of us and send out "Surprise! We Eloped!" announcements afterwards. My FH already told his parents and, while they were kind of bummed they wouldn't be able to see it, were okay with the idea and wished us well. My mother, on the other hand, often would refer to weddings as "funerals" and always acted like people got married for the wrong/stupid reasons. So, as I'm sure you can understand, this made us weary in telling her about our plans. I thought it would only be right to let her know beforehand because I didn't want her feelings to be hurt. My above explanation may sound like she is harsh, but she is not at all. We are actually very close and good friends. I was just scared to tell her, basically because I'm not the sappy type.
Well last night, 10 days out from us getting married (I know, I know - should have mentioned it sooner) we told her about it. Her initial response was basically what we anticipated; she wished us well and more or less said it was "about time." But then, it's like she didn't remember that we told her we were doing it while on vacation, because she starts bringing up all these questions. What colors do you want? Who would you like to cater it? Where do you want to have the reception? I need to plan a bridal shower! At first I was shocked she was so positive about it that I kind of laughed about it, until I realized she was being serious. She really wants me to have a wedding. We told her that we were going to elope and mentioned the reasons above. She said that we can save up for a house after we have a wedding because this is something we only have once in our life and she doesn't want us to regret not having a wedding.
So now we are stuck between going with our original plans and compromising somehow. The fact of the matter is that we value putting that money toward a house WAY MORE than putting it toward one day in which we are basically paying for other people to have a good time. While I would like a nice wedding, that takes a lot of money. I have been to too many mediocre weddings to know that if I can't have a great wedding (that would cost a good chunk of money), I would rather not have a wedding at all.
So I thought maybe tell her that she and I will pick out some really great announcements together to send to her (many) friends that she insisted on coming to our nonexistent wedding and that before we leave on vacation, she, my sister, niece, and I can have a spa day to celebrate together.
What do you all think? I'm basically stuck between our original plan and going along with my mom to make her happy. Don't get me wrong - I'm not against having a wedding, just against having a mediocre one. But I am also not willing to pay for a wedding. So eloping seems like our best option, but my mom is making me have this second guessing, regretful feelings that I didn't experience before telling her.
