i wanna ask.

Lol it’s not rude to ask at all. At least you’re asking rather than assuming or telling him. The worse he can say is no.

View Quoted Comment Sooooo very true lol.


Oh yeah I would never assume. Lol. I'm not inconsiderate lol .
I just didn't know if it would be rude. Lol 😂

Personally I think it's rude to ask. Whether the land can accommodate 60 people or not, you'd be asking for use of their bathrooms as well which can be overwhelming. Are you close to this cousin? Is he invited to the shower? As someone who hosts large family gatherings, the amount of work that goes into getting our yard ready for each big cookout is hours and hours of landscaping and cleaning. Would you be willing to offer to pay for landscaping?

View Quoted Comment Um okay.


Yes I am close to my cousin.Yes he is invited to the wedding.
I always going to pay for a all the bathroom needs tpaper and soap. The bathroom is outside of the house so no one would be going into their actual house.
Plus I'm paying for food and tables & chairs.
And yeah I would mow his lawn if he wants me too. If wants me to pay for someone I would do it.

View Quoted Comment Lol of course. I mean I don’t think it is. If my cousin were to ask me I’d tell them it is okay as long as they’re providing everything. Our last big function we had about 30 people over. I think if his place can accommodate why not ask.

View Quoted Comment Lol ohhh course I would be providing everything. I wouldn't expect them to do anything unless his gf wants to help. But I wouldn't expect it.


It's just a thought right now . Lol .

View Quoted Comment Even better! Keep us updated on how that goes.

View Quoted Comment Will do !!!

If this cousin is involved as one of the hosts of your shower, then it's definitely not rude to ask. In my experience, while the bride isn't really involved too much in shower planning, it's very common for the bride to consult with shower hosts about potential locations (as well as potential dates, the guest list, etc.). If this cousin is one of your shower hosts, then by all means I'd go ahead and ask! If this cousin is not a shower host but is very close with your host(s), then I'd maybe have the host(s) ask on your behalf.

Personally I wouldn't ask, 60 people is a lot of people to have at one's home and what happens if it rains on the day of the shower. I think if this is someone you speak to often you can say you are a little stressed and looking for a space to hold a 60 person shower. If he suggests his place great but if he doesn't offer I d leave it at that. Who is hosting the shower in my experience it is the hosts who find the venue, I know my shower is coming but I actually have no idea where it is hahaha. Would he even be invited to the shower?

I would only ask if they're a part of the wedding or shower somehow. for instance if the spouse is a host or something of the shower then it makes sense to ask. otherwise, i wouldn't ask - 60 is a lot of people to ask to host. i would just do it at the park if that's the case where you can't find an actual venue or anyone else's house.

View Quoted Comment Okay gotcha.


They are invited to the wedding.And his wife is invited to the shower too.
I was just looking for some advice. Thank u

Just wanted to clarify, that you're not hosting the shower. Someone else should throw this for you as it would otherwise look like you want gifts (i.e. "to shower you with gifts"). Ask the hosts if they have ideas already. 60 is a large group. Is this a co-ed shower? Often showers are 2-3 hours of about 20 (usually female relatives, bridal attendants) and are more intimate, but up to you.

View Quoted Comment Ohh yes I know .


Yes it would be about 60 ladies. I have a lot of girls in my family & obviously some from soon to be hubs side.
It would just be girls

View Quoted Comment

Since it sounds like your cousin isn't even invited to the shower I definitely would not ask this of him. Let the hosts handle finding a venue you have so many other aspects to plan enjoy handing the reigns over to someone else on the shower. Best of luck to you

View Quoted Comment Ok. Thanks...

My family went through a ton of stress getting their yard ready for my 9 person wedding. They self imposed high standards on themselves. They're still upset the grass wasn't green to their liking. I would never want to put them through that again.


Even if you're providing everything and doing all the work and have no expectations, the homeowner typically feels an innate need to have their home presentable. 60 people is a huge ask, and since it's for a wedding related event, there would be more pressure to say yes. I would not even ask. It is imposing.

View Quoted Comment Okkk .
Thanks.

Absolutely rude to ask. If he offered and you accepted, that’s fine. But asking puts him in the awkward position or having to say no if he doesn’t really want to or feeling guilty and saying yes because of that (even though he doesn’t really want to). ..I can know someone won’t be mad if I say no but still feel badly about doing it to the point that I cave and do something I don’t really want to. It’s also a really big ask. Even with volunteering to do all the set up/clean up/providing the supplies, there’s still a lot that goes into hosting an event of that caliber including utility usage, property damage, and liability.


I say this as someone who had a backyard wedding so had to become very aware of the ins and outs of these details. Things like: my septic system is not set up to handle that kind of usage (we rented a portable restroom trailer. We also needed one that had its own water supply— usually they just took up to a hose, but we’re on a shared well with neighbors and couldn’t risk running it dry). It was also a lot of wear and tear on the lawn…took over a year for it to recover. But, the biggest thing is to me was the liability issue. If anything happens to anyone or anything, it’s on the homeowner. We took out an extra insurance policy for this reason. So, lots of behind the scenes stuff there.
I don’t know that it’s really something I’d actually recommend, but, the MOST I would ever do here is tease it by talking about trying to figure out where to have the shower in front of them. But if they don’t jump in with “oh you could have it at our house!” I’d move on

View Quoted Comment Okay thanks