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J
Just Said Yes August 2019

i want to change my plans and elope.. after save the dates are out!

Julia, on February 26, 2019 at 8:39 AM Posted in Planning 0 13
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We have the wedding planned but we are not that deep into it that we think eloping is still and option. Oringially we were going to have a destination wedding on a cruise and have family there. But it was getting complicated and we were thinking of everyone else and felt bad that people had to spend money a lot of money to watch us get married. So instead of thinking of what we really wanted we thought of how we could make it easy for everyone else. So we did..a friend offered us a place and help us in a big way. We sent the Save the dates and thought this was the right decision, having a regular wedding. I put down small deposit but not too much that we wouldn’t be scared losing over. While we are in the planning process.. making everything, looking up things every day to plan this wedding...I honestly still had in the back of my head that this isn’t the wedding we want... We kept saying “ I wish we stuck with our original plan and got married on the cruise”. I kept saying to my fiancé that it’s already being planned we can’t change it now. But why can’t we? The wedding is at the end of August locally backyard feel.. so not many people are losing on money or travel plans. So I am doing my research on if people really cancel their wedding and elope.. we r at the point of saying f**k it and let’s get married the way we want to! Going on a ship, not making anything, not spending the weekend of stress and worry and planning the big day. But walking on the largest cruise ship with my wedding dress fiancé and closest family.. And having our moment of getting married and then enjoy a week of stress free and being married.
The only problem I am having is that I still feel bad about canceling and changing plans, and changing other plans. Also I don’t want to wait much longer and still want to get married by August. I feel bad asking family to spend that much. The save the dates are sent out but now we need to make this decision fast before it’s too late.. how do I send out “change of plans” card to my guests. That we decided to get married on a cruise and having small private ceremony with just family. We also want to extend the invite to all to go on the cruise but maybe not be part of the ceremony.. we want people to feel welcomed to go on the same vacation but I feel if we try to invite everyone to the ceremony it’s going to be more stress planning that. we are thinking of just having a small private ceremony with parents and siblings who decide to go. Also, is this crazy that I still feel bad and think that maybe we should just keep the wedding as it and not change.. but deep inside this is how we always picuted our day and this is what we really want to do and be happy about it. Please help with wording and advice on whether or not we r crazy?

13 Comments

Latest activity by Sunny, on August 20, 2024 at 9:43 PM
  • Allie
    Master August 2019
    Allie ·
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    You're not crazy. This happens to a lot of brides when they get deep into the wedding planning and it gets out of hand. I would just send out a card saying your plans have changed and will not be sending out formal invitations.

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  • Danielle
    Master June 2019
    Danielle ·
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    I don't think it is too late, and you could just send out something stating there has been a change of plans (i'd check and make sure that no one has made travel arrangements yet first: plane tickets, hotels, etc.). However, this is just my personal opinion, If you and FH want to elope (nothing wrong with that) then you should keep it just the two of you. Y'all go get married on the cruise (just you two), and enjoy a honeymoon for that week. I know a couple that did this, and they loved it and had no regrets. If you still want to celebrate with family, then have a small reception when y'all return. That way y'all aren't asking anyone to spend that kind of money and take that time off work, etc.

    As you can tell, I am not a fan of destination weddings, I feel as if it is too much to ask of people. However, nothing wrong with an elopement! This is just my feelings on the matter though. You know your crowd and that is something for you and your FH to decide with your family.

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  • Formerbride
    VIP June 2019
    Formerbride ·
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    I have had 3 friends do ceremonies just the couple. One eloped with no notice to people, one had a set plan to marry at the courthouse by themselves, and another had a set plan to be married on a beach by themselves. Only one hosted a reception later on. I think they were all happy with their decisions. If you don't want a wedding, don't do it. But inform your guests there will be no formal invitation or wedding. And I would not invite everyone to come on the cruise if they are not going to be invited to the ceremony there. If you want to invite just family, that's great. But it would get way too confusing and weird to invite people to come but tell them they can't watch. Good luck!
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  • Cara
    Expert July 2019
    Cara ·
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    Can you keep the locally backyard feel on the same date in August and do it as just a reception/ party to celebrate with everyone? Then you can do the wedding on the cruise with just your closest family. I don’t think people will feel left out not being invited on the vacation if it’s just closest family.
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  • J
    Just Said Yes August 2019
    Julia ·
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    Thank you for the advice!

    Danielle I agree I think it would be easier with just going just the two of us.. That is what we felt bad about asking people to spend that money.. I want it to be just us.. but he really wants his mom there and I want my sister and parents there. And we really are trying to avoid the big party thing so we have decided that we don’t want to host a reception and party afterwards... that’s the big struggle do we just go the two of us so everyone feels equal.. or extend a vacation to everyone but only have a private ceremony with parents and sibling that decide to go and anyone else that wants to go away just having a vacation is welcomed...idk what to do on the part.
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  • MOB So Cal
    January 2019
    MOB So Cal ·
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    Agree with this completely, and would just add that personally I wouldn't cancel the local wedding AND then invite those same guests to come on the cruise even though they will not be invited to that ceremony either. To me that's at least odd and potentially will not go over well. Basically it's the equivalent of saying, "Hey, you're welcome to spend the money to come to our destination wedding, except you aren't actually invited to the wedding! But, you're welcome to take a vacation where we'll be...." That just seems bizarre to me.

    If you want to elope, do it...and own the decision and potential consequences. Good luck!

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  • Sunny
    Devoted October 2019
    Sunny ·
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    We are going through this exact struggle right now! Our save the dates are out and we just found out that my parents are willing to give us the entire budget they would have spent towards a house if we choose. Terrible timing aside, we always want a tiny wedding from the beginning but things ballooned with compromises of including family friends that my mom really wanted. Now that it’s a matter of buying a house or throwing a party, I’m like I WOULD HAVE PICKED THE HOUSE FROM DAY 1 if that option was on the table! We’re srill deciding what we’ll do, this came up in the last 24 hours and I’m still sifting through the emotions!
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  • G
    Just Said Yes June 2020
    Genesis ·
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    Julia and Sunny,
    I’m really curious what y’all decided to do! My fiancé and I are in a similar situation where we have already sent our our save the dates for June 2020. We were engaged two months ago and things just happened so quickly from the excitement. Our 90 person wedding is now 250 with a 16 person bridal party. I always dreamed of having a wedding, but now the idea of a Grand Canyon elopement has come to mind and it’s a dream!
    Would love to know what you guys decided! Thanks
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  • cdelray
    Savvy January 2023
    cdelray ·
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    I am in this EXACT situation! Lol.. except not a cruise ship, Key West. How did it go? Did either of you send out any change of plans?? Please update! Lol
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  • J
    Just Said Yes August 2019
    Julia ·
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    So We ended up having our wedding near by with our family and friends and it was the bet day ever. Although we kept saying we wish we went on the cruise during the planning process. I do not regret anything and it was one of the best days of our lives having our wedding my family and friends.
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  • Erika
    Just Said Yes April 2022
    Erika ·
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    Hello,

    Thank you everyone for sharing. We sent out Save The Dates, but the local park where our ceremony was going to be held at, has a community event occurring on the same day. The event is a community concert and will require tickets to enter. So we decided to change the location and pursue to do an elopement. Though there were only 8 guests invited, 4 were of my loved ones & 4 of his loved ones ; I'm sure they will respect our decision. Not only was the ceremony already small, we did not have any financial support from the beginning. Smiley smile So the elopement just makes the most sense. Our special day is on 6/24/23, so there is plenty of notice to inform everyone.

    We will personally call our loved ones and let them know.

    Happily Ever After to all!

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  • Lauren
    Just Said Yes May 2025
    Lauren ·
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    This is my fiancees and I exact situation! We literally put down deposits for a venue, DJ, planner, photo, etc and then they said they would give us money for a house instead. We already sent out save the dates for 9 months out. What did you end up doing?

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  • Sunny
    Devoted October 2019
    Sunny ·
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    Hello from 5 years in the future from that original post! Long story short, we opted to cancel the larger wedding we were planning and put the money towards a down payment on our home. I cannot stress ENOUGH how great that decision was!


    Since I had already sent out save the dates, I sent another card to the guests basically saying, “after careful consideration, we have decided to hold a small, private ceremony. We apologize for any inconvenience and we look forward to celebrating with you in the future”, type of thing. (Everyone was fine and life carried on)
    Then, we purchased an amazing home that we adore, had our wedding at a gorgeous restaurant on the water with our closest fam and friends (20 people total), had a beautiful meal in a private dining room after the ceremony, then came back to our house to celebrate and dance the night away! It was a gorgeous dream the way it all played out. We got the house and still had a beautiful celebration at a much smaller scale but it was everything we could have wanted/needed.
    Fast-forward 5 years later, and we still love our home and are grateful every single day that we got in when we did (months before the pandemic). We are lucky that we’ve gained significant equity and that is funding education for a career change for my husband currently. 12/10, best decision we’ve ever made, can’t stress that enough!
    P.S. As an extra kicker, around the same time we had to make that decision, close family friends gave their daughter the same option and she chose the huge wedding instead of the down payment for a home. While the wedding was nice, all their expensive cocktail hour food accidentally went out to the wedding happening elsewhere on the property and some other snafus that I’m not sure they had any recourse for. Yikes, was it worth it? 😬
    Happy to answer any more questions you may have! This was one of those pivotal life decisions that we literally thank ourselves for every single day. Good luck!
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