i want to elope, but I'm afraid it's going to escalate family drama on my side and also offend my Fh's family.

Ordinarily I am team “go with your heart’s desire and what feels right” but I will say this – my BIL and SIL eloped just the two of them because SIL had family drama on her side and didn’t want to have any family at the wedding at all, whether it be his side or hers. To this day years later after their elopement, I know that my MIL still carries around some hurt feelings because she was, and still is, devastated at having not been able to be there to witness her son’s wedding, especially being that it was through no fault of her own (in that there was no drama on his side of the family).

I would make this decision after you factor in whether or not there are any people who you really want there and whether or not it may impact your potential relationships with your families thereafter.

One alternative you could consider is having an even smaller wedding than planned and just having those family members you want there.

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We could cut it down to immediate family. That would be about eight people. But I would still be in the same predicament because having them there would be out of obligation, not because I really want them there, at least when it comes to my immediate family. I feel like an awful person for not wanting a certain immediate family member to witness me getting married, but it's the truth.

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How much drama will it cause if you don’t invite the people you don’t want there (and otherwise have those you do want there present)?

I downsized my wedding from 160 to 38 due to covid and that meant we had to not include 3 obligatory family invites and that still caused major drama in my family and in my own family, it was something that I wasn’t willing to deal with and just simply invited them so as to avoid it.

I suppose here is would be weighing up what is the lesser of two evils. Though, if it will cause less drama to elope than it is to not include some people you otherwise wouldn’t want there, by all means go with your heart and elope girl!

I feel you, I wanted to elope, but we're having a wedding for over 100 people because FH is of the opinion that his family would never forgive us if we eloped (certainly valid, as he experienced the fallout after his cousin married spontaneously without inviting anyone). I'm not really looking forward to it, but there's nothing to be done... We've weighted out the pro and contras and decided that, since it's his family we're talking about, and we'll have to socialize with them for the decades to come... well, it's just not worth the drama, discussions, weird comments and hurt feelings we would have had to endure at every family gathering for years to come.
I guess you just have to weight it out for yourself. I've convinced myself that it's really only one day, and I will do my best to still enjoy it (I do love a good party, so we're just doing our best to throw the best one we can). But yes, I would have preferred something else, with a lot less pressure and expectations.

Aww I'm so sorry hun! I know this really isn't easy.. Maybe consider how much strain or drama this will cause? Maybe you guys can elope now and do some type of bigger reception later? If you truly feel it in your heart that you would rather just bite the gun and invite them, make sure that it is about YOU. I HIGHLY suggest you designate someone to be your go to person where if you feel like a family member is acting up, that said person will step up and take care of it for you. That way you can enjoy YOUR day.

When I did my small wedding of 50 people instead of 300+ I didn't care what my other family members would've said or thought for not being invited because to me.. It made me think that they were only thinking of themselves. Especially if they were the toxic or dramatic ones lol. They can say whatever they want because it would not affect me. I would only talk back if necessary.

Good luck hun! I really hope that you come to a decision that will make YOU happy at the end of the day