i want to secretly replace my engagement ring

Hello ! Well, I'm not wearing Rolexes or Cartiers, so... I have to say it's hard for me to feel what you feel... I would NEVER replace a wedding ring. It's not only a jewlerry, it's a symbol... The proposal for me is more important than a ring itself. As a fiance who gave it, I would be offended. So... that's just my point of view of course...

You know, naturally occurring moissanite is actually rarer than diamonds... it also reflects more light (which is why is "sparkles in a weird way") AND it's definitely conflict free. So maybe try to get used to the idea of it not being a diamond but something even rarer? The price tag isn't everything...

View Quoted Comment Thank you for your reply. I would replace the stone not the setting.

You really need to talk to your fh. This possibly indicates unawareness of expected lifestyle after marriage. That can be a marriage destroyer.

View Quoted Comment Hello. I don’t know if you have a moissanite or a diamond, but moissanite actually reflects the lights in a different way, it turns grey and yellow sometimes and I just don’t like the way it looks. I do have diamonds and while under certain lights the moissanite looks similar to a diamond, under other lights it just looks dull and weird. My moissanite is a good quality one, Charles and colvard colorless hearts &arrows, of course it’s lab made. It’s not the price tag honestly, it’s just that I don’t like the way it looks.

Thank you very much but I know how much my fiancé makes, we are still very young and at the beginning of our careers, so I’m not expecting super luxurious life-style after marriage. I just wanted a nice piece of jewelry, I was more than willing to contribute to get what I wanted if he only told me about it

I’d keep it for now and upgrade later. Doing something like that without his knowledge is not very honest - even if it is to protect his feelings. You could get a really nice diamond wedding band to give you that look and something I think you could contribute to more.

If you’re going to do this, I absolutely would have a conversation with your FH first. What would you do if he found out after the fact or realized it wasn’t the same? I imagine he’d be much more hurt by the lie than by you wanting a different stone.

I'm sorry but the way you are talking is coming off very entitled. Your fiance obviously wanted the proposal to be a surprise which is why he didn't tell you he was purchasing a ring. I think it would be extremely hurt for you to change your ring especially if you didn't tell him and he found out later on. I personally think you should be grateful your fiance bought you a ring even if it isn't 100% what you want or envisioned.

If you’re going to replace the stone, I would definitely be upfront with your fiancé about it, don’t do it behind his back. Just to potentially be a very sensitive subject, so I would pay a lot of attention to the delivery. Maybe say something to the effect of you absolutely love the ring and think it’s gorgeous, but because it is a different stone than your other jewelry, it’s looks odd next to it. And because you absolutely want to wear the ring every single day, you were thinking maybe it would be a good idea to switch out the stone in the ring so that it will match your other jewelry, and make a necklace you can wear every day out of the moissanite he gave you. Plus, moissanite is not quite as strong as a diamond, so it would be more protected around your neck. I think if the delivery focuses around the fact that you absolutely love the ring and want to protect the stone he propose to you with forever, it may go better than saying you don’t like it or that it looks fake.

View Quoted Comment Entitled? Why? I wasn’t expecting him to get me a 2 ct diamond, he is 25 and I’m 23 so it’s pretty normal that he couldn’t afford it. I would rather have a 0.9/1 ct lab diamond than this huge fake rock, and if he could not afford it he should have talked to me. I’ve never liked diamond substitutes, I would have preferred even an emerald or a ruby. I knew he was going to propose, so it wasn’t really a surprise by the way.

View Quoted Comment Thank you, I will definitely consider having a conversation with him, I just didn’t want to humiliate him.

Honestly, if I were your fiance, I would take you replacing it as a sign of ungratefulness and disrespect. He took thr find out to find what he felt was the perfect ring for a perfect woman. If you want a different ring then just buy yourself a diamond and wear on the other hand. That rock is a symbol of his unconditionally love and support for you. So being so petty and enjoy the fact that someone wants to marry you for who you are and not for your price tag. This is a sad post honestly.

I wouldn't do it as a secret, I would simply just have a talk with him about it. I feel like sneaking behind his back and replacing it would be starting your marriage off in a negative place - as a lie.


Just have a talk with him to see how he would feel about you replacing it.

View Quoted Comment I truly don’t think that a ring is a symbol of love, it’s just a ring. You show love and support in other ways, but since it’s a piece of jewelry I will have to wear forever, it just bothers me that it’s not what I wanted. It’s not about the price tag, I just don’t like the way it looks, and I don’t think it’s sad either that I want to wear something I truly love.

View Quoted Comment Thank you very much for your reply, I will definitely consider having a conversation with him.

View Quoted Comment Thank you very much for your kind reply, it was actually very helpful. I will definitely consider the idea of turning the stone into a necklace, and it’s 100% true that the ring doesn’t match my other jewelry.

View Quoted Comment I was not talking about income, I was talking about expectation of the way money is spent. Two very different things. He put thought into buying you the ring - it may be an indication of what he feels is worth spending money on. There is no judgement there! Everyone has different ways they make money work for them.
Finances is the number one thing couples fight about - and not just broke couples, all income levels.

I think if you are very unhappy with the ring you need to discuss it with your FH. I'm sure he doesn't want you to have a ring you are unhappy with. It will be a tough conversation but it's just one of many that you will have throughout your marriage. Before having the conversation you should definitely think about how this will make him feel and understand that he might be very hurt. Be kind in your approach.

Most people will hit a time in their life that not everything is about money or aesthetics.

If you really want to replace it be mature about it and have a conversation. I would expect him to be very hurt and react poorly though.