i want to un-ask dad to walk me down isle

So sorry you are dealing with this! Would your sister be ok with you putting it on her maybe? Say that it’s really important to your sister to walk you down the aisle and you hope he understands?

I understand why you don’t want him to walk you down the aisle, and I’m sorry! I don’t have a good relationship with my dad (I didn’t meet him until I was 17), but he is giving us a little money to help with the wedding so I was worried about him feeling insulted I didn’t ask him to walk me. My mom then expressed she feels like she earned the right to walk me because she raised me by herself, which I totally get. I decided to walk with my son because no one can be upset about it that way. I think the best thing to do in your situation is to tell him directly that you have decided to have your sister walk with you. Unfortunately, it may cause issues, but it doesn’t sound like you have a good relationship anyways. I imagine it isn’t easy on his side either, not that it gives him an excuse to treat you the way he has, but if you are interested in having a real relationship with him you’ll need to confront him about how you feel. It’s hard to move forward when you’re carrying past hurts with you, and it sounds like there’s a lot of history. Good luck!

If you ask him NOT to walk you down the aisle, it will likely be a relationship-ending move, regardless what the reasoning is. But, if you don’t want a relationship with him anyway, it’s a no-lose situation.

Oy. This is tough. This is a very difficult thing to go back on and pretty damaging situation. I would make sure that you understand that you are drawing a very serious line in the sand if you decide to tell him you changed your mind. Maybe a deeper conversation has to be had regarding how he treats you or how he makes you feel? I would just be prepared to address his actions and ask him why he does what he does and why he thinks it's ok. I would then move on and bring up the walking down the aisle role and ask him if he feels it's appropriate and why.

View Quoted Comment I agree. This is a really serious decision that can have a domino effect throughout the family.

View Quoted Comment I’m thinking instead of asking him not to walk with me, telling him that I can’t imagine her not being in the wedding. And although I know how damaging this can be so much has already happened, including him telling me that I wasn’t his responsibility (when I was a teenager) I honestly think he should understand. The rest of the family (the ones that were actually there) will definitely understand that I don’t think of him as a real father and he definitely doesn’t think of me as his daughter. It’s just so hard to imagine sharing that moment with someone who has only seen me as an option for my entire life.

View Quoted Comment I agree with this 100%. Also you have to understand his world probably ended when your mom did what she did. Cheated, left him then found out you weren't his. That is a lot. He probably just didn't know what to do. He did come back around after your bio dad passed. So I think that counts for something. I think it's a bigger conversation that needs to be had before he walks you down the aisle. I think you may be in your feelings right now and that's understandable. But you don't want to regret not having him walk you down the aisle later. Talk to him about how you feel first