i was removed from the wedding party

I wouldn't attend a wedding for someone who treated me that way, but I think this is a decision only you can make.

I don't want to oversimplify it...but she doesn't sound like a great friend. I'm so sorry she did this! I don't understand "firing" bridesmaids and replacing them. It's like your nearest and dearest are your nearest and dearest. If you guys have been drifting apart, that's one thing, but this seems really abrupt. I also think that your only job as a bridesmaid was to get a dress, show up, and continue being an excited friend. People are really extra about what they expect from their bridesmaids, but I think it should be a way to honor your friends, not a job, and not "hiring" someone to plan a party or your wedding.

Only you can make this decision, but she doesn't sound like she's worth your worry. Especially since she rubbed your face in the fact with texting after.

Just my opinion. What a crappy situation.

Hugs to you! The UK is fabulous. Enjoy the Hell out of it!

It seems pretty drastic to cut someone out of the wedding just because they missed a bachelorette weekend, especially if you're best friends. Is there more going on that maybe you're not aware of?

View Quoted Comment She did mention that she’s also trying to buy a house and is planning a wedding and that she would have made it to my bachelorette party, no excuses and it feels like a “pissing match”. She was upset by the fact that I was able to go to the UK and not to her bachelorette. Once again, this is all news to me. I knew she was upset I couldn’t make it, but not to the point of cutting me out of her wedding completely. She also said my dress choices I sent her weren’t necessarily “bridesmaid”. But that’s exactly why I sent them to her, so she could help me make the decision!

This is so mean! sorry this happened to you

I think she's being unreasonable. One of my bridesmaids lives over 7 hours away from me. Her daughter is also a junior bridesmaid. Do to travel costs and her work schedule, I don't expect her to show up to bridal shower/bachelorette parties. Even my FSIL lives 4 hours away and I don't expect her to attend. We already discussed we can Skype to include those individuals. Some brides could get nervous about not ordering the dress, but if she was that worried, she could order it for you and have you pay her back (I did that for another bridesmaid at a friend's wedding). I guess I'm saying there are other options to include you without being a brideszilla.

I’ve fired a bridesmaid before but for extreme actions and a bad situation. honestly, she’s not being a good friend. i don’t care what she has going on, it’s a bachelorette party and a freaking stupid expensive one at that. i’m sorry $900??? that’s almost as much as my wedding dress! i would never expect that from my girls and i don’t.
shes not a good friend and if i were you i wouldn’t go unless she apologizes.

Shes being insane! My best friend lives in SC and I live in TX plus she has a 7 mo baby so I new she wouldn't be able nor did I expect her to be able to attend my pre wedding parties but I would never ask her to step down for that reason. The only thing I cared about was her standing next to me on the happiest day of my life!

She isn't a good friend, she's being a self absorbed jerk who thinks her wedding and the optional extras surrounding it should be everyone else's top priority, no matter the cost in time and money. Her actions show that she cares more about what you do for her than about your friendship, and if it were me, I wouldn't even go to the wedding at all. I would also be seriously reconsidering if I wanted to continue with the friendship altogether if she's willing to treat you so horribly.

Hope you have a great time in the UK! Don't let her actions take away from this good time in your life.

She just cut you out with no warning? That’s the strangest thing to me. Usually you talk to your friends if you’re unhappy with something, not cut them out of your life. Life happens to everyone, and both you and your friend have a lot going on right now. If she doesn’t understand that, she’s got some growing up to do. Also, there is no requirement to attend a bachelorette party, so that’s not even an excuse to treat you this way. I would not go to someone’s wedding if they told me I was out of their wedding, especially if it wasn’t a conversation we had and mutually agreed on.

View Quoted Comment That’s what I figured was the most important thing too! She’s definitely been different the last few months from this wedding, it’s changed her.

She’s definitely being unreasonable. My bridesmaids both live over 3,009 miles away. I send 1 ideas to bounce off of her and chat about the wedding, but that’s it. I don’t expect them to come all the way out here or go anywhere for a party. As long as they can get a dress and come to my wedding, that’s all I care about. Some people have extremely (and unfairly) high expectations for their bridesmaids. The movies have made it seem like they should be your slaves for the entire planning process and that really shouldn’t be the case. Your FH surprised you with an amazing trip overseas. I’d much rather take a trip with my FH than go to my friend’s bachelorette party if I had to choose 🤷‍♀️

I'm sorry this happened to you. I agree with others what she did is very rude. I also appreciate you sharing your perspective of being on the receiving end of a "BM firing." There are so many posts on this forum from brides, who seem a lot like your "friend," who get so upset when everyone they know doesn't spend all their time and money fawning over them and attending events honoring them, and then ask the question, "shouldn't I FIRE her????" To them, I say, "No, no you shouldn't, and OP's post gives insight into how that feels to the 'terminated BM....'" Good luck to you -- have an AWESOME time on your trip!

View Quoted Comment It's always sad to see things like that happen to the ones closest to us. As far as deciding to go or not I say just kinda wait it out and see if she reaches out to you and tries to mend the friendship or if she just let's it kinda die out, I feel like the ball is in her court now

If she does not think about it, and apologize, then likely at this time the friendship is beyond saving. Bachelorettes have exploded from a single evening out, talking and eating or drinking, maybe live entertainment, or a show -. to 3-5 day extravaganzas, often planned by the bride herself, with an expectation people will pay $500 to 1500, far more than ever expected for the wedding itself. Many brides have expectations far out of line with tradition, or with traditional good manners. People with busy lives themselves, and tight finances, at a time of buying houses, paying off school, and having little time off from jobs with little seniority, frequently find that expectations that they will be give multiple days to a secondary party, or half days to nails, makeup, and spas, are just too much. When asked to be in a wedding, people usually expect 6-10 hours on wedding day, and a few hours each for a shower, or bach, or rehearsal and RD. And everything is voluntary, except the wedding. But there are frequent pists up right now, from bride's. Bad bridesmaid, firi g bridesmaid, all kinds of things. Brides who think it is expected that people will spend money and multiple days on bach, shower, and destination days, on events and parties the bride's often planned themselves. With little sense that most people who accept BM honor, think they are committing to many hours wedding day, and 3-4 hours a few times for parties or shopping. And expect to give showers only if they volunteer. Same with bach. Not to have it expected, or have others plan things they have neither time nor money to do. . . It is not just you. There are half a dozen bride posts up now, as well as that many attendants, and most come down to different expectations . Weddings should not divide friends. When brides or others planning for them, plan multiple days and great expenses beyond what is usual , they find many BM want the traditional: show for the wedding dressed and groomed, plus a few, 3-4 hours for parties if possible. It has gotten out of hand. I have been in many weddings over year's time, and never thought I would see the time when brides started feeling entitled to plan elaborate things in their own honor, to be done and paid for by others. And so angry when BM offer the traditional, few hours here and there, dresses in reasonable budget, and nothing more expensive than a BM dress. Or more time for any one event, than the 6 hour wedding. Your friendship is, sadly, broken. And you have been reasonable. A person has to be able to say, enough . I did for the first time when a bride thought I should skip my 2 days if professional like ending exams, because she was surprising us with a soap day and luncheon, with Manis and pedis the next day. The other MOH was "rude" too, would not skip her Bar exam. And there was no reasoning with the bride. Whose years of school for a law or medical professional, are as important and drinking while you have facials, and a morning of getting your nails done? Right. Sometimes, friendships end . Badly.

She is really being a Bridezilla!!! I wouldn't attend her wedding. Now it's time for you to focus on your own wedding and FH. She just showed you who she really is.

Thanks everyone for the replies, I thought I might be crazy and actually felt bad and like I did something wrong. Especially finding out that she got a replacement bridesmaid literally 3 days after she told me I was no longer a BM. I told her when she was planning the bachelorette party that I didn’t think I’d be able to go because I was in the muddle of buying a house (stressful as it is) , planning a wedding and that I didn’t think I’d be able to get it off or afford it. She told me recently that it felt like I didn’t even try and that if the situation was flip flopped she’d do anything to make sure she’d be there. She ended her text with “I hope you don’t have to deal with this for your wedding”. Silly thing is, I know I won’t! For one, I’ll have a one night bachelorette party locally and won’t be upset if someone can’t make it. I guess I just can’t wrap my fingers around the situation.

Some friend. She was in the wrong, 100%. That's an awfully shallow and selfish reason for her to treat you like this. And getting a "replacement" is also incredibly rude. I wouldn't attend her wedding as a guest even. You deserve to be treated better than this by a friend!

It really depends on whether she's being genuine (you did say you are very busy & stressed, so much so you had to push your own wedding), or is trying to punish you for missing her bachelorette. Personally, I think a $1000, 4-day out-of-state excursion is a ridiculous thing to demand, and it was absolutely reasonable of you to decline. But, if you were having a hard time staying involved/ engaged, or doing things like getting your dress/ helping to plan... I guess, I'd err on the side of assuming she isn't trying to be hurtful (especially as she urged you to come as a guest), and is just handling it in a less-than-ideal-way because of stress.

Not saying your wrong, at all, just that I probably wouldn't drop a lifelong friendship over this.

I don’t understand this. All of my bridesmaids plus my family live out of state, so all wedding related stuff is being planned by me and FH. All my BMs live in different states and 3 different countries for that matter. They’re not going to all be in the same room together until the wedding weekend because of logistics, but they’re all there for me and that’s what matters. Not petty crap. Your friend is being a bridezilla.