i wasn't asked to be in my brother's wedding and I'm very hurt and sad

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He's 9 years older than me, however he lived at home during college and he always lived in the same area as the rest of the family.

I do get why you are upset. I would not wantyou to ruin your relationship with your brother. None of us can say why he did what he did. I would take a deep breath and talk to him about it. If you truely find that impossible write him a calm letter on how you feel. I am sure that he did not mean to hurt your feelings.

Tyler, again I am very, very sorry. I think many times, the younger child wants to be with the older child more than vice versa. Sometimes parents even make the situation worse, by forcing older child to "play" with younger child, and older child regards it as babysitting. I feel your pain.

I understand your hurt. And your right it sucks to realize you are not as important to someone as they are to you. I have a very complicated family dynamic. Both of my parents are dead, i have multiple step parents, and siblings from different moms and dads 4 half a in total. But none of my siblings are in my wedding. I am having my cousin as my MOH and my friend of 20 years as my BM, people who have really supported me. Blood is not always thicker than water in my opinion. And He has his 2 best friends. I am sure our siblings are all hurt. But in the end it is our day but there are only so many jobs. However I have reached out to those I have relationships with to explain that I hope they know how much I love them, it's nothing personal, and I hope they can come celebrate and enjoy our day. Hope this helps.

View Quoted Comment A lot of people prefer to have friends as Groomsmen, not brothers. And many brides do not choose family. In your case she opted for family, he for friends. You need to accept that you will always be family, and should not let being jealous of others' roles, or disappointment, ruin your relationship with your brother. The fact that you have more time or money to do things for him should not matter to the groom. He is choosing closest friends from his point of view, now. To choose or not choose someone because of how much money or time that person has to spend on you is a very selfish thing, and I applaud people who do not let that influence them. That is a good character trait in your brother, not a fault. Accept that he sees you as a younger brother, but wants groomsmen that are friends. That is his choice, and he is the one getting married. The fact that a person can accept changing roles in their family over time is a sign of maturity. You need to stop looking just at what you want, and see it from his perspective. He has spent the last few years becoming an adult who is independent of the family he comes from, still loving family, but developing strong bonds with his peers. And this is the transition, a last hurrah, when he spends time with them as a priority. From here on in, his wife, and any family they create, will have more claim on him than any male friends. So understand, and let him have this time. A few years down the road, as you get older, you will be more his peer as another adult , but now he sees you as younger brother. Do not let your brotherly bond be destroyed because you are not getting what you want, now. He is getting married, and this is his time. If you really love him as a brother, you will respect him, and not sulk over his choosing friends.

View Quoted Comment You are looking at everything as though all your brother's choices should revolve around you. You need to be less self focused, and realize that not all the world puts family in wedding parties, some choose only friends. To say, well if he does not see things as I do, I will cut him off or no longer go to the wedding, is cutting off your nose to spite your face. You will lose and look foolish, not what you want. No one will think a thing about it if he has friends not family. I have 8 brothers and sisters, and we all get along and see each other as often as possible. But I was in one of their weddings, several had one family member and all the rest friends. I had 3 friends, and my grandmother's younger sister (godmother.) No one thought I did not care for my family. They were all there, proudly watching me get married. All the family together, a nice sight. So stop focusing on this as a loss, it is not.

So sorry to hear about what your going through. That's your brother's loss for not including you and the rest of his family. Just remember God got you covered.

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I think your over reacting a bit honestly. Yea i get it that its crappy and sucky that your not his best man. But if you've looked up to him and idolized him for so many years that has to be for a reason right??

To literally let one day and one action ruin YEARS of being on good terms is flat out childish and immature. Before you do something that you'll regret later and ruin your relationship with your brother, you need to step back and cool your jets a bit.

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I don't believe in God.

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A few people at the wedding will at least wonder why a sibling was left out.

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For me it's a loss. It's loss of not being a part of the big day of someone that I looked up to. I won't get to be up at the altar as best man and doing the duties that I would have loved to and would have been honored to do.

View Quoted Comment You are making this all about you. He is the one getting married, not you his 9 years younger brother. Brothers have no claim on the job of best man, or groomsman. If every really good friend of any groom for years, and every brother, and every close as a buddy first cousin, broke of off a relationship with the groom because they got in a snit over not being in the wedding, the average groom would lose 4 to 10 of the people closest to him, because every one of them was not chosen for 2-3 positions. That would be lunacy. Brothers are not entitled to be in their older brother's wedding party, ever, no matter how much they are loved. The groom may choose all friends, soon to be inlaws he has spent enough time with to be friends. Brides have no obligation to choose sisters over friends, or friend, or their own children. But as they are making a choice, it is up to them, no one is entitled to be asked as a proof of their love. It is quite possible you will never be in anybody's wedding in your lifetime, huge numbers of people never are. People who get upset over this , are like children who cannot understand why they are not chosen for every thing they want , just because they want it. It is considered a sign of maturity that by their early teens, and at the latest, late teens, people can look at things from other people 's perspective. Your brother chose people he is regular companions with. A very common thing. For you to take that as a sign he does not love you enough? Maybe you are rather immature for your age. Maybe part of why he does not see you as a buddy, and peer, only as younger brother, is because you act so much younger. Your inability to accept this is a sign of it. In a few years, you may see things differently. Don't ruin all these years of a bond with your much older brother, because you arbitrarily see it as proof he does not love you, because he did what millions of men do , and chose companions for his WP. If you do this, the loss of a loving brotherly relationship will be entirely your fault. He cannot mean that much to you, to cut him off because you did not get what you wanted for 1 wedding day.

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I feel siblings should be given a priority in certain things because sometimes friends come and go. To me wedding parties are a good measure of who is the most loved. To be chosen to be in a wedding is a big sign of love and respect. The fact that I'm his only blood brother and I was shoved aside does hurt especially since the fiancee's two nephews that he barely knows are in it.

I'll add that I've been ok with friends not asking me to be in their weddings, but when my OWN brother doesn't even ask that's why when it really hurts.

View Quoted Comment You feel brothers should be given absolute priority. But most people in US feel that selection of of the wedding party by the couple is their choice, and may be siblings, other relatives, friends, Godparents, any ones the groom or bride chooses. And no one else, including family, has a right to question choices of who is in the wedding family. You seem to think your feeling is more important than anyone else's. News: This ceremony is about the bride and groom, not you, and your refusal to accept that is what is causing your pain. Meanwhile, one must assume bride's nephews were chosen by the bride, and your brother agreed. You do not seem to understand that they are a couple noe. Marriage is a time when you semtep away from the family you come from, though you continue to love them , and put your fiancé, your wife or husband to be, ahead of all others. He made his choice for the friends he wanted, as he should have. Then decoded to please his his bride, the one he will now put ahead of all others,, (unless they have kids. ) This is his wedding , he is supposed to do that. He obviously considered those positions okay for her to fill, sin r the rest of the WP was her kids. How old are you, that you still see things only from your own perspective?

Edit: Marriage is a time when you step away from the family you grew up with ( not semtep)

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Look I get he to put his fiancee ahead of others. But, when it comes to the wedding party it hurts that I was left out and no one else from our side is in the wedding. I'm 26 and I think part of the reason this is hurting me so much is because I have never gotten the experience of being in wedding while almost all of my friends, cousins, and work associates have either been groomsmen, best men, or were ring bearers as kids.

I try to see things from other people's perspectives and when i think of the fact that my brother chose his friend as best man it hurts because from his perspective it's clear to me that i i don't mean anything to him and i'm NOT GOOD ENOUGH TO HAVE ANY OTHER ROLES IN THE WEDDING.

You probably don't get how embarssing it's going to be for me to go to that wedding and have all my relatives and family friends see that i'm not even good enough to have a role in the wedding. people are going to see that i wasn't worthy enough to be in the event.

Judith, it's clear to me that you can't empathize with someone who was shoved aside by a blood relative. you can't see how hurtful it is to be left out by your own flesh and blood.

I also get that my brother and his fiancee are a couple. But, it sucks that they can ONLY ACKNOWLEDGE HER SIDE OF THE FAMILY AND NO ONE FROM MY BROTHER'S SIDE OF THE FAMILY.

ITS CLEAR TO ME THAT MY BROTHER'S SIDE OF THE FAMILY DOESN'T MATTER AT THE WEDDING AND WE ARE BASICALLY SECOND CLASS CITIZENS.

Honestly, your reaction is ridiculous. I can understand being hurt and confused that your brother didn’t choose you, but siblings can come and go just as easily as friends can. The fact that you think your brother not choosing you is him saying your family is second class citizens is absurd. You’re completely overreacting and it’s going to look ridiculous on you, not him, if you make this your reason for a) not attending their wedding or b) not continuing to have a relationship with your brother. I know plenty of people who chose to not have their siblings in their wedding. It isn’t the end of the world and it’s only a big deal because you’re making it one.

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He's my only sibling and as I've stated the rest of my family is pretty much left out of the wedding and none of the roles in the mass or receprition are filled by people from our side of the family.

We are just basically showing up to the events and it's like we don't matter to the couple.

I've had to see the bride's side of the family get all the involvement of wedding planning and being in the wedding and I can't share in that joy because I don't have a role and I have to also see friends be in the wedding or have other roles and I'm just a stupid guest at the wedding.

It's going to hurt that i can't make a speech on behalf of our family and it's hurts that my parents are also pretty much left out as groom's parents usually are in weddings.

we care about my brother, but yet can't be a part of his day in any capacity and it hurts like hell to know that friends and bride's side are only seen as imporant and the groom's family isn't important on the day.

View Quoted Comment The fact that you think being a guest at a wedding is stupid is part of the problem though. You can still join the couple in celebrating their day as a guest and if you weren’t important to them at all, you wouldn’t be invited.