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Just Said Yes July 2021

“I will ruin your wedding if he’s there...”

Brittany, on January 30, 2021 at 3:23 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 23

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Hello! I am looking for guidance or advice on dealing with my divorced parents at my upcoming wedding. My parents split in 2012 and it was ugly divorce; still ongoing. My Dad ended up remarrying very quickly to my Step-Mom, who we don’t have a close relationship with. My Mom has been dating her boyfriend now for 5 plus years and we think he’s great. My Mom and Dad obviously hate each other, so when I got engaged all I could think of was “yay, now how the hell will we be able to have them both there?” I got engaged in May 2019, was supposed to get married in August 2020 (f you COVID), and now we’re scheduled for July 2021. I am at the 6 month mark and now my Dad is voicing that he doesn’t want my Moms boyfriend at the wedding. This came as a shock because he’s never even spoke about him until now. He ripped into me yesterday when he found out my Mom would be bringing someone to the wedding, and told me “I won’t be able to control myself at your wedding if he’s there and I’ll ruin your wedding.” I explained that he’s a grown adult (62) and can behave himself for one day. If he loves me, he will not do anything to hurt me like that. I explained it’s about me and my fiancé (not him), he won’t even have to interact with him, and everything will be fine. He is now considering not coming to my wedding if he’s there. I stated that if my moms boyfriend cannot come, than his wife cannot come; which pushed him over the ledge. If he doesn’t come, this is going to have way worse negative impacts on our decent relationship. I am heart broken, stressed and truly hurt. How should I deal with the wedding planning, navigating them, and still having the wedding me & my fiancé deserve . Thanks!

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Latest activity by Th, on February 9, 2021 at 4:27 PM

Master September 2019
Sarah · on January 30, 2021 at 3:31 PM
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You should let your dad throw his temper tantrum by himself and not give in to what he wants. The fact that your parents have been apart for 9 years and your father plans to ruin your wedding day over your mother’s boyfriend attending is childish and he needs to understand that that won’t be tolerated.

“I’m sorry you feel that way, you’ll be missed” next time he threatens not to come.
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Dedicated August 2021
Lw · on January 30, 2021 at 3:35 PM
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I agree with Sarah. If he’s making your wedding day about him, it would be better if he didn’t come. Your moms boyfriend is just as much part of the family as anyone else and it’s sad your dad is still hung up on that relationship even though he’s married. I personally wouldn’t want him there but I also understand he’s your dad. It sounds like your dad might enjoy drama and the best way to deal with someone like that is to not give in and end the conversation.
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Champion July 2019
Veronica · on January 30, 2021 at 3:40 PM
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I'm so sorry, but your dad is acting like a child and being completely unreasonable. If he can't behave like an adult for one day, then he doesn't need to be there. I would suggest focus on others around you that actually are supportive and don't want to cause unnecessary drama.
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Just Said Yes July 2021
Brittany · on January 30, 2021 at 3:41 PM
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Thank you so much. I am going to ignore him for now, he has 6 months to grow up. And if he is still acting this way I’m going to let him know he does not have to come. I have a close relationship with him too, which makes it hard. This whole situation came out of no where, which is why I’m so shocked. I just know if he comes and “ruins my wedding”, I’ll never speak to him ever again OR if he does not come, I’ll probably never forgive him for the heart break he’s caused me. I’m praying he grows up, realizes it’s about me, and will just put on a smile for an hour or two. ❤️❤️
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Super October 2020
Eri · on January 30, 2021 at 3:51 PM
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I'm so sorry. How someone can act so immature and selfish when it comes to their children is beyond me.
Agree with the PPs, but hoping for the best for you.
Whether you end up inviting him or not, if you have security at your wedding, I would make sure they're aware of the situation just in case.
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VIP August 2020
Katie · on January 30, 2021 at 4:00 PM
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Hi Brittany, I think you have the right outlook and chose the right words 👍 I have faith he will cool off and come to his senses before the wedding. Although your not close to his wife, I would imagine she is telling him “we’re not going to miss your daughter’s wedding”.

As hard as it is, keep planning and keep the door open for him as I have a lot of confidence he had a moment of insanity and will come back to his senses in due time ❤️
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Devoted October 2021
Chantelle · on January 30, 2021 at 4:23 PM
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Hi I agree with the previous posters! I’m sorry that your dad is acting like this. Like you said, he is a grown man and in charge of his actions. If he chooses to not attend or if he chooses to come and act out, (both obviously horrible) that only says everything about him and not about you. I hope he comes to his senses, but if he doesn’t, then just carry on with what you want to do. Good luck!
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Master 0000
Judith · on January 30, 2021 at 4:43 PM
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It came out of the blue because it is all about him, and not at all about you.
The decision you make has to hold through every holiday, and if you have children, at their birth and occasions for them, for years. If he cannot be civil and act like an adult, he and Stepmom lose all those occasions. You certainly are not living your life, and any kid's, under threat. What kind of father does he want to be? What kind of grandfather? A good and well loved one?
Or an absent one?
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Master April 2021
Michelle · on January 30, 2021 at 4:46 PM
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I’m so sorry you’re father is acting like a child! Jeez! 62? Start acting like it! My daughter is gay & just married a wonderful girl. Seems that was too much for him to handle. Her wife’s mother didn’t show up either. I told them both- it doesn’t matter if they don’t show up. The people that are here, turn ones that support you & love you are your family. Doesn’t matter if their blood or not!
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Devoted May 2021
Jasmine · on January 30, 2021 at 6:19 PM
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I think you have the right attitude and you should stand your ground.
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VIP July 2017
Becky · on January 30, 2021 at 6:39 PM
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Wait. So your dad got remarried, but your mom's not supposed to have a relationship NINE years later?! He needs to grow up and be an adult. If he won't be able to control himself and will ruin *your* wedding because he's acting childish, then he doesn't get an invitation.
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Master April 2021
Mrs. Spring · on January 30, 2021 at 7:04 PM
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Wait, hold up. Your dad is not okay with your mom's bf being there, but if the gentleman was married to your mom then he would be okay?
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Super March 2021
Kimberly · on January 30, 2021 at 10:21 PM
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“ How should I deal with the wedding planning, navigating them, and still having the wedding me & my fiancé deserve .”

First, you continue with your wedding planning just as you want. 2nd you don’t navigate them. As you said, they are grown adults that make their own choices and with choices come consequences. You told your dad exactly what needed to be said and he now has to decide is he going to act like a grown man who loves his daughter more than he wants to embarrass his ex wife OR does he want to be a father that decides his daughter’s wedding isn’t important enough to him. And finally, you have the wedding you and your fiancé wants and let your dad figure out his own issues himself. I hope he steps up and chooses to do the right thing, but you can’t worry about what he may or may not do and how that may or may not hurt your relationship. That will be on him.
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Savvy October 2021
Dana · on January 30, 2021 at 11:04 PM
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Honestly... Have a talk with your dad with the Ultimatum that if he can't behave like an adult, he's not welcome at the ceremony.
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Rockstar December 2022
Michelle · on January 30, 2021 at 11:36 PM
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Set boundaries and stick to to them. Tell all parties involved either they act like adults or no one will be invited. End of discussion.
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Master August 2019
Rebecca · on January 31, 2021 at 3:38 AM
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"If you can't behave like a grown man, married to someone else, at my wedding, then your presence will not be requested, nor missed. If you attempt to show up and behave badly, you will be removed by security."
It only sounds harsh if you look at it out of context.
He's trying to manipulate you, put you in the middle of the divorce, and have his cake and eat it, too.
Put in boundaries, enforce them, and let him behave as he will - it says far more about him than you.
I'm so sorry. I know what toxic parents/divorces are like.
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Savvy January 2022
Michelle · on January 31, 2021 at 9:03 AM
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I am so so sorry you have to go through this. I agree with previous comments. If he is being selfish and unable to put his feelings aside for one day, YOUR day and has indicated that he will end up ruining it then he can stay home, or he can get a zoom link and watch virtually from the comfort of his own home with his wife. I know it’s easier said than done when your not in the situation but at the end of the day you need to remove the negativity from your special day. I hope everything works out for you.
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Dedicated July 2021
Alyssa · on January 31, 2021 at 9:26 AM
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I’m so sorry. That is a tricky situation. It is YOUR wedding day and he should not be making it about his feelings. If he’s allowed to bring his wife that does not have a close relationship with you, then why shouldn’t mom be able to bring her boyfriend that you get along well with! He’s making things unfair to make himself happy. If dad makes the decision not to come then that will be a decision that he regrets in the future. Totally on him! I hope he makes the right choice to come and not act a fool. The fact that he says he will ruin your wedding is soooo hurtful and if it were me I would not want him there if he said that. I hope it works out for the best!
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VIP October 2022
Samantha · on January 31, 2021 at 10:59 AM
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Someone who says “I’ll ruin your wedding” is not someone who is on your side. With some distance, I think you’ll see that this is not unusual for him and that people tip toe around him to avoid his temper tantrums.
I would follow the above advice - tell him that he does’t get a say in who is invited, and that you expect him to behave like an adult. Don’t argue. Then on the day, ask a good friend to be aware of him and if he starts to ramp up, the friend can call security.
I’m just disgusted for you. I loathe my ex and am still polite and courteous when we have to be at the same place for our kids. Even to his gf that he left me for. It’s the adult way to be.
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Just Said Yes July 2021
Brittany · on January 31, 2021 at 10:27 PM
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Thank you all for the support and kind words! I have blocked him and will let him cool his jets. I plan on talking to him at some point, and letting him know it is either you behave or do not come at all. I think this is a good mind set. Thanks again!
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“I will ruin your wedding if he’s there...”

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