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Just Said Yes July 2021

“I will ruin your wedding if he’s there...”

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Brittany, on January 30, 2021 at 3:23 PM

Hello! I am looking for guidance or advice on dealing with my divorced parents at my upcoming wedding. My parents split in 2012 and it was ugly divorce; still ongoing. My Dad ended up remarrying very quickly to my Step-Mom, who we don’t have a close relationship with. My Mom has been dating her boyfriend now for 5 plus years and we think he’s great. My Mom and Dad obviously hate each other, so when I got engaged all I could think of was “yay, now how the hell will we be able to have them both there?” I got engaged in May 2019, was supposed to get married in August 2020 (f you COVID), and now we’re scheduled for July 2021. I am at the 6 month mark and now my Dad is voicing that he doesn’t want my Moms boyfriend at the wedding. This came as a shock because he’s never even spoke about him until now. He ripped into me yesterday when he found out my Mom would be bringing someone to the wedding, and told me “I won’t be able to control myself at your wedding if he’s there and I’ll ruin your wedding.” I explained that he’s a grown adult (62) and can behave himself for one day. If he loves me, he will not do anything to hurt me like that. I explained it’s about me and my fiancé (not him), he won’t even have to interact with him, and everything will be fine. He is now considering not coming to my wedding if he’s there. I stated that if my moms boyfriend cannot come, than his wife cannot come; which pushed him over the ledge. If he doesn’t come, this is going to have way worse negative impacts on our decent relationship. I am heart broken, stressed and truly hurt. How should I deal with the wedding planning, navigating them, and still having the wedding me & my fiancé deserve . Thanks!

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23 Comments

Master October 2019
Meghan · on February 1, 2021 at 2:37 PM
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I am so sorry that you are having to deal with this! At this point, I would probably tell your dad that his presence is not needed. Your mom has every right to have her boyfriend there, especially if your dad thinks he has he right to bring his wife. Don't let him stress you out or bully you into not inviting your mom's boyfriend. Your dad needs to stop being so childish. Good luck with this!
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Devoted April 2023
Afrangram · on February 1, 2021 at 7:39 PM
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Your father is being childish and rather selfish. I would save myself the worry and stress and just tell him, "Well don't come. You'll be missed" and keep it moving. No sense in having ANYONE stress you about your wedding and who will be in attendance. I am sorry but his behavior is preposterous.
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Dedicated September 2021
Th · on February 9, 2021 at 4:27 PM
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I’m so sorry. I know for my cousins wedding we were all wondering how it would work with his parents together because altho they have been divorced for 20+ years they still do not get along/issues along the way, but both are married and were able to do their own thing at my cousins wedding without issue... it sounds like your dad is trying to make you and your FHs day about him and honestly it’s bs. My mil threatened my fiancé about not coming over something she wasn’t going to get her way with initially and we caved. I honestly regrets it and If she tries it again my response is going to be fine don’t come bc I’m sick of her making our wedding about her. At the end of the day, if he has a good relationship with you, I’m betting he will rethink that threat pretty quickly and do the right thing. I hope it works out for the best. For now I wouldn’t engage in anymore conversation about it. Best of luck to you
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