Idea: Parents have to pay for the people they want invited?

Totally fair! Also fair to say no to them inviting people that you don’t know or want there. It’s your day and your money!

I think that is fair. I would probably be the same way.

It’s fair to say no if you both a picturing an intimate wedding with only people you really want there. It’s also fair to say his family can pick a few people to invite if they are offering to pay, because otherwise you can’t afford it. I would only make that concession if you really mean it though, not if you’re going to be annoyed down the road.

That’s completely fair if you’re paying for the wedding yourself! It will also make them consider who they really want to bring because once money becomes a condition they’ll only invite as many people as they’re willing to pay for, which very likely will be a smaller amount than they initially wanted to invite. This will hopefully keep your numbers low like you wanted as well.

That is completely fair. I was really upset when my mom and FMIL added all these people to our list when we don't even want them there. They ended up offering to pay for the extra people. If you're struggling to afford the wedding you want, it's crazy they'd want to invite more people they know you can't afford.

That is very fair. You guys are on a tight budget, so are me and my fiance. No one is really helping us with our wedding so no one can tell us to invite more people.. unless they are putting money in our hands! LOL sounds harsh but it's true. Your parents should pay if they want to invite more people. Especially since it's THEM that really want these additional individuals there.

I think this is completely fair and I would also want a percentage when invites go out because deposits are usually due before you get final numbers and if they were to back out at least you'd have something.

Wow!! Weird reading this because the exact same happened to me. My fiancé and I wanted about 30ppl tops at our wedding. Well his mother have decided to invite 7 people that I’ve never met in my life or maybe I have, I wouldn’t know. Like you said I wouldn’t be able to pick them out of a line up (lol). My mom, as soon as I told her we were engaged (she happens to be in our country— Belize— with her side of the family, decided to tell everyone and so everyone self invited themselves. she has about 10 siblings who are all married and with many children. She also gave me a list of people she’d like to invite from the states. I told her we will talk when she comes back. But honestly, I find it very rude for them to do that. I told them both we wanted small and intimate. Sorry, back to your question, I also considered telling them if they want to invite people then they need to contribute financially, but then I don’t feel comfortable saying that. My wedding still very far so I will have to figure out what I do. Please let us know what you end up doing.. and Good luck!!

Its fair but understand that once u add these people other expenses go up not just food and drink. Small weddings r easier to do with no dj, pro photographer etc. The more guests u have the more accommodating u have to be to ensure they have a good time thus running up ur budget. Don't be forced into a big wedding if its truly not what u want even if they offer to pay.

That is a.more than fair compromise

I know a few people who have done this, and think it a gair solution under the circumstances. But 2 of those 3 the people ended up in a mess, not because the plan was wrong, bit because they did not do their math correctly up front, and did not require the parents to pay well in advance, so one family the showers were held and invitations out, then parents paid only a small fraction ( one) , or got mad when original figures were revised higher, and so refused to pay a cent, leaving the couple 4 weeks from the wedding taking a loan against the little equity in their house. (one.). The other family, the bride did proper figures up front, the parents agreed and split the additional seats available after couple's invited list, and gave the sum to the couple 6-7 months before the wedding. Great, everyone happy. Preparation is the key issue. >>>Know your real price per person. It is figured differently in different regions, and different venues. Do not just use cost of the meal, the mistake that cost two of my friends so much grief. Cost of meal, plus cost of share of bar bill, plus cost of $3-10 corking fees for every bottle of wine or champagne they open in some places (even if you get it from then) . Plus cost if much bigger cake, which may increase cost per piece not just in proportion to number. Cost of serving a piece of cake, called a plating fee, may be $1-4 for every piece of cake, on top of the price per serving from bakery. Over a certain number , every extra table with 8 or 10 chairs may cost $25-$60 with basic linens. You will have to allow for extra if you pick special stuff. Extra centerpieces. >>> then the % fees. Many places charge a $20% administrative gratuity or fee. Plus a 20%gratuity for all serving staff. Plus any state tax, 4% to 11% depending on state meals tax. Even if you figure the original per person cost correctly, adding up yo 50% more that you did not think of will mess up your original budget, and any figures you get from parents. Then add ons: If you double guests, you may need to add $200-$400 more for bartender tip, coordinator tip, wait staff tip. You need to know your extra fees and extra rental costs, so you do not have the parents ( or yourselves!) thinking at first, each guest costs $35-100 each, when the fees and percentage addons make costs $50-175 in reality. Depending on whether you chose a low budget all inclusive to begin with, ir one with a lot of corking and playing fees, and huge bar overhead, even your own budget for 30 cam be strained. But if you do mot check those out before telling parents, and say, price per guest not counting venue is $60 per person, and it turns out to be $100, they may not pay. The idea that these people are strangers to you, and because you are keeping a low budget, you cannot add guests without parents paying the extras, is entirely reasonable as a plan. But go through your contracts for every little fee, or overall percentage fee on total. And get it upfront for the total, with the understanding that for those who decline on time, you will give back the extra. Open an account, separate, just for their money, so you are aware of what you have available, theirs plus yours. I hope it works out well for you. Money can be a bear with families. And the better you know real figures up front, the better everyone's attitudes throughout. We paid all of our wedding and honeymoon cost, just after paying grad school, with a lot of extra work hours, and many economies. But my parents paid for all rooms at the Inn where our wedding was, beyond ours. And FI did that for numerous ¼ mile away resort motel rooms. And it meant about 40 of our closest friends and family, in or just out of college, grad school or the military, too poor to do anything but drive a few hours to and from the wedding, were all able to stay 2 or 3 days, overnight costs on our parents. And My parents paid 2 nurse caretakers for our babies nursing room for 13 under 15 months, so we only paid one. And FI's parents paid group sitters for their grandchildren whose parents were on tight budgets ( the young ones). So their gift enabled people we all wanted to come, no matter their family economics. That mattered. Good luck.

This is fair game. If you're paying, you decide who you invite. If they want these people invited they should pay for them. Especially since you don't have a meaningful relationship with whoever they want invited.

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This is exactly what I was thinking. Chair rentals, tables, linens, gratuity...You would need to factor ALL of that in to the amount that the parents would be paying.

You're giving away the kind of wedding you want and allowing it to be stuffed with strangers. I wouldn't do it. I really don't see selling shares in one's wedding. It's personal and private and not for sale.

I think that's fair. My parents are each inviting a couple friends that they would like there because they are paying for half of everything. I believe they should be able to have some company there as well since most of the family will be mingling all night.

Yes, I think this is a fair compromise! You and your FH are planning a wedding based on your budget for a specific amount of people who you want there on your day. If your parents need additional people there, they should have to pay. Will you also have them pay for extra centerpieces or other additions that would come with a larger guest list? Not sure if you’re doing centerpieces, favors, or renting linens, chairs, etc. that would increase in price with a larger guest list!

Thank ALL of you ladies so much! I'm definitely not going to let them run crazy with invites - we were thinking they could have a max of 10. I think I can live with that and still have the intimate feeling we wanted. GREAT advice on the extra extra extra stuff that even 10 people will bring like another table, centerpiece, etc. I had remembered to add in food, bar, cake increase, tax, gratuity, etc. but not everything else. We're still in the VERY beginning of the process/budget so I don't have hard numbers on any of this stuff yet anyway, just ballpark estimates. I SO appreciate all of your advice!

It's a reasonable solution and i think many have done just that. I've seen so many posts on this site about money promised and not ultimately given for one reason or another. I would collect the money from the parents BEFORE the invite go out. Even with the best of intentions, circumstances change and if you really can't afford these people on your own, please get the $ upfront.