To start, I am extremely close with all my maternal cousins. We were raised as siblings and growing up I always told people I was one of nine.
When I got engaged I knew I was going to ask 3 of my cousins to be bridesmaids (one being my MOH) this was decided based on the ages of these cousins (we range from 31 to 23) and who I was closest to at the time.
My mom convinced me to ask another one of my cousins, she’s the same age as me and up until we graduated high school we were extremely close, spent every day during the summer and weekend during the school year together, talked on the phone every day close. We didn’t have a falling out, life just took us in different directions. I originally wasn’t going to ask this cousin cause lately everything we try to involve her in turns into a big thing that it doesn’t need to turn into and she puts her anxiety on everyone else and I have my own anxiety I need to deal with on my wedding day.
I ended asking her cause my mom doesn’t ask me for much, and honestly I wasn’t asking my bridesmaids to do anything besides buy a dress they like in sage green and show up and walk down the aisle on my wedding day. My MOH did plan a shower and bachelorette for me, but I didn’t ask for any of it I told her I didn’t care if I had them or not and it was up for the bridesmaids to decide. In my opinion I’ve been probably the chillest bride known to man, I’ve only used our bridesmaid group chat twice once to remind them to buy their dress and again to give them the rehearsal information (which I told them I didn’t care if they made it to or not)
This past Sunday my oldest cousin got married and this 4th cousin I asked was her maid of honor as it’s her oldest sister. After the ceremony I went up to my bridesmaid to tell her how beautiful she looked and she just blurts out “I don’t want to be in your wedding any more” so I say ok that’s fine and she again goes “no seriously I don’t want to be in your wedding anymore” and I say “ok that’s fine” and walk away cause this wasn’t the time or place to have this conversation. I found out the next day at the welcome breakfast she went up to my MOH and told her she didn’t want to be in my wedding anymore but she felt like she has to and my MOH told her she didn’t have to do anything just to tell me what she wants to do.
On Tuesday after sitting on it I texted this bridesmaid telling her it was completely ok if she didn’t want to be in my wedding I completely understood and I was ok with it as I want her to have fun at my wedding and if being in my wedding party is going to stop her from doing that I’d prefer she not be in it cause her having fun is more important. I got a response back saying she realized she didn’t love being in a wedding party and doesn’t think it’s for her but if “I want her to do it she will” which I don’t want anyone up there with me out of obligation. I told her to think about what she wants, and to take me out of the decision cause I don’t care.
But honestly, I’m annoyed that she brought it up when she did (she’s had over a year to come to this conclusion and she waited until a month and a half before the wedding) I’m also a little hurt and upset that it even crossed her mind to begin with, I’m not a girl who asks for much, and when I do this is what I get. I understand having anxiety (I’m also diagnosed with an anxiety and depressive disorder) but I feel you should do things for the people you love. My brother has a grocery list of mental health issues and 100% does not want to walk my mom down the aisle, but he loves me so he’s doing it.
I’m sure I’m just too much in my feelings right now cause it’s still raw, but I’m at the point that I don’t even want her to do it. I love her and she is important to me, but she said what she said and I can’t seem to get past that.
