I'm bored and want to hear your "crazy aunt/cousin/grandma/etc." stories

I have a couple stories to share that may make you laugh and pass the time a bit...both are NWR and very old stories.

For the first one please remember this took place 35 or so years ago when times were very VERY different. I was about 5 and my brother 3. We would go to visit my grandma (dad's mom) and it is in a very small town. It basically consisted of 4 roads and no stop signs or anything. In this town there was a Catholic church, Catholic grade school, public grade school, 1 bar and 1 bar/restaurant (right next to the bar). My grandma would call down to the bar and tell them that we (my brother and I) were coming for her "medicine". We would go toddling down the sidewalk, maybe a couple hundred yards at most as it wasn't far at all, with the money in hand. When we got there we would get a 6 pack of soda, a candy for each of us and grandma's "medicine". Grandma's medicine was a fifth of brandy.

The other story involved the same grandma. Every year the church has an annual fall festival and one of the fund raisers, as I am sure most of you would expect, is to sell raffle tickets for stuff. Every year my grandma would send the sold raffle tickets up to the church with my mom and every year when they opened the envelope with the ticket stubs and money in it. The stubs would be there but grandma forgot to add the money. This happened to my mom several years before she decided to check the envelope before taking it to church.

Hope this makes some of you chuckle and helps pass the time.

My aunt made this for me. To use at my wedding.

(Spoiler! I left it at home)

OMG, fuck the buckles just made my day @MoonRide lol.

NWR:

My GrinGran (grandma on my mom's side, who I was ridiculously close with) passed away 26 days before my 21st birthday.

When I was about 10, we were at the store (me, her, and my sister) and she was on one of those motorized carts. (She was a very obese woman with arthritis and a bad heart, and could barely walk.)

She couldn't find the bacon...and so she was driving around the store like a madwoman shouting "BACON! BACON!"

So embarrassing...but so endearing.

I've since decided that someday, I will own a teacup pig, and name her Bacon so I can run around shouting "BACON" like my GrinGran.

NWR: When I was in high school and went to see my Grandpa. He told me he took the lady down the street on a date after fixing her flood light for her. He took her to see Apocalypto. She excused herself from the movie during the scene where a guy's head gets chopped off and bounces down a pyramid.

Gotta love my Grandpa, he's a charmer!

@Yasmin your grandma is awesome! Love these stories. Today I am definitely riding the struggle bus. Only 2 more hours to go!!!!

Bump because these are hilarious and today is the slowest day in history!

My parents had a very short engagement and since my paternal grandmother was traveling for most of it she didn't get much of an input (this wedding was VERY low key so there wasn't much to have input on). She never asked my mom her colors and wore a totally different color to the wedding (my mom didn't care though). She didn't offer to help pay for anything at all (once again my mom didn't care). But when the photographer asked to do some family photos (during the reception since my parents got married in the middle of the reception and didn't have a formal photo time) and asked for the bride, groom, and their parents to come to the dance floor for the picture, my paternal grandfather's "new" (10 years by this point) wife got up to be in the picture. My grandmother threw a fit, saying that she had an idea of what pictures she wanted and this was NOT it, and she stormed off the dance floor in a huff. My parents don't have a picture with her at their wedding because of it.

My 71 year old aunt/god mother (mom's side) , who hates my dad, told me "Man, you really are marrying your father!" She said this because FH went out with a small group of his guy friends last Saturday to have drinks and party a bit since they're not really his groomsmen... but they still wanted to hang out with him before the wedding.

Let me add...My dad cheated on my mom for 10 years with a woman who is 17 years younger than him (only 5 years older than my oldest sister), and then he married her after he finally left my mom with three kids and didn't pay child support until the state was forced to remove it from his paychecks every week.

She compares them because I don't keep FH on a leash and we actually can enjoy time apart from each other.

-_-

Also, every time I say "FH is just annoyed/stressed/in a bad mood/whatever" she goes, "Well, do you think he's having doubt about marrying you?"

NWR sad but also funny story: My grandma passed away in 2008 after a long battle with cancer. When she was sent home with hospice care to finish out her time, she wanted to be involved in the planning of her memorial service with my mom and aunt. My grandma was always a yeller, but she never swore and never said a harsh word to anyone but my grandpa (they were married for almost 60 years and fought like crazy haha). My mom and aunt were in the kitchen talking about memorial service plans and someone suggested a Simon & Garfunkel song for part of it. Grandma yells from the other room "No! I'm not having any of that fucking Garfunkel!" We just had to laugh. She was feisty right up to the end.

Well my wedding is going to be interesting. My family is hillbilly as in they have never been to a catered wedding. FH's family is rich south like factory owners and huge land owner farmers. Then we have our church family and friends. We have friends that are in same sex partnerships and yes they are coming to our wedding. I have a friend that is an atheist that is coming to our wedding also. My aunt and my mother are both crazy and I can never guess what is going to come out of their mouths. My mother thinks she is funny and most of the time she is very inappropriate. My dad refuses to come to my wedding. Yep it is going to be interesting.

My whole family is just crazy. From mental illness to just down right rude.

Little late to this parade but it needs a bump anyway cause this is hilarious.

NWR but the last time my grandma visited Connecticut (from South Jersey) I got a hair cut, just cutting the dead ends nothing big. She tells me to sit next to her on the couch and starts playing with my hair. Then she says, "you're so pretty, you used to not be but now you're beautiful". FH looked over and says "Wait what did she say?" Thanks grandma? God knows if I call her and remind her what she said her reaction would be "(insert gasp) I would never say something like that!"

Nicole: Thanks. She was the greatest woman I've ever known. Always cheerful, right up to the end.

I also remember a time after we went to the circus for the first time, in the car on the way home, she started singing (very dramtically I might add) "I saw an elephant....he went poo-poo...he mad me mad because he said that I was goo-goo....but he went poo-poo!"

this was probably 25 years ago at least, but I remember it like it was yesterday!!!

My sister had to get a bionator for her teeth from the dentist. Of course she hated wearing it. My grandmother had a habit of asking her if she was wearing it. She also had a habit of getting words entirely wrong. She yelled out the front door to my sister, do you have your vibrator in?

My aunts kids and my family were on a vacation together and she and her husband were going out for a steak dinner with my Grandparents. fine with me I was about 5 years old and I hated steak. She came up to me and said now I know you're upset that you are going out to dinner with us but you need to be a big girl and I understand that sometimes grownups have to go out alone. I was totally confused. Did not understand why would I be upset. so I spoke to my mom and she said yeah they're going out for yucky steak and you don't like steak anyway But her boys are going to stay home with us and we're going to have ice cream and play games. All the talk that my aunt did about this wonderful dinner they were going out for just got her sons very upset that they weren't going. They barely got down the street When next thing I know her boys were fighting like crazy in the sandpit of all places. What was supposed to be a fun evening of ice cream consisted of my mom and dad separating the boys and hosing them down to get the stand off and clean up The younger ones bloody nose. You should have seen the look on Cinderella's face when she came strolling down the way already to brag about her Cinderella evening and she ended up crying her eyes out to my grandmother about how my parents allowed her babies to get hurt and messed up and ruin her evening and it wasn't fair because my mom always got to do wonderful things and she didn't and that mind mom probably ignore the boys and didn't watch them on purpose so evening would be ruined. after that the boys were not allowed to be at the at the vacation house at the same time for about another 3 years. BTW, my grandparents had to remind her that she was a adult and she needed to behave like one about this