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Savvy June 2024

I’m not sure how to feel.

Paige, on July 5, 2021 at 3:27 PM

Posted in Family and Relationships 47

Ok. So my fiancé and I have been together three years now and he proposed one night and I said yes. Well he wanted to keep it a secret until he got me a ring which I was ok with at the time. The problem is it is now two years later and still no ring and I told people because why be not be excited...
Ok. So my fiancé and I have been together three years now and he proposed one night and I said yes. Well he wanted to keep it a secret until he got me a ring which I was ok with at the time. The problem is it is now two years later and still no ring and I told people because why be not be excited about us getting married. When I ask him about the ring he says he’s saving for it and to be patient also that if he really wanted to he would make it happen and go get it now but he wants it to be something special. The problem is he problem with his finances and lives his life paycheck to paycheck. We are now saving for this wedding but we haven’t paid for anything yet and there’s still no ring. He also is ok with saving but is in no rush to really do anything until he gets the ring but he is showing zero effort towards it. The more I ask the more annoyed he gets and I’m so frustrated because this is not at all how I expected an engagement to go and I feel like I’m the only one taking any of this seriously. We have even had time lines. Like ok it will happen by this month and it never happened. He’s an amazing guy otherwise and I love him to death but this is really upsetting me. We have even gotten in a fight or two about it and he acts like I’m telling him he’s a piece of crap when that’s not the case. I feel like it will never happen and I don’t know what to do. I feel like just calling the entire thing off. I just don’t know if I’m being selfish or expecting too much from him.
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47 Comments

  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    I'm not sure what details he's referring to because you don't even officially have a date until you have secured a venue. It sounds like he's completely out of touch with the reality of wedding planning or he's just making up excuses. Either way you need to decide if you are okay with not being able to plan until he buys you a ring which he keeps delaying.
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  • P
    Savvy June 2024
    Paige ·
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    I’m not ok with it like I don’t even need a ring. I even said in the beginning I don’t need one or to get me something cheaper end he said no.
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  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    I would try telling him that one last time and if he doesn't listen then you are going to have to decide if you want to stay in this relationship because to me it seems like he's just stringing you along as he continues making up excuses. You deserve someone who is so excited to marry you and doesn't argue with you about marriage. Also if this is how he is marriage I would worry how he would be about how he would be about having children (if you want them).
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  • Kari
    Master May 2020
    Kari ·
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    1) Engagement rings are not required. You can be engaged and get married without there being a ring. If it is important to you, then its worth further discussion, but if getting one is just something that he and you want to do because "its what other people do" and that is holding up actually announcing your engagement and getting married, I would consider having a discussion about skipping the ring and focusing on the wedding.

    2) The finances issue is a much bigger problem than just the ring, and would be an absolute red flag for me here, in addition to constantly moving dates and not sticking to deadlines. Once you are married, his money problems will become your money problems, your credit problems, and possibly your bankruptcy problems. He's either not getting you a ring and constantly pushing back the wedding because he isn't serious about getting married OR because he isn't responsible enough with his money to save for anything of value, or both.

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  • Samantha
    Expert October 2021
    Samantha ·
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    As I see it, the biggest issue is that he is not listening to your opinion. You don't care about the ring so he should respect that. Have you asked him why the ring is so important? If he really wants to get you something you live then next time you are passing by a jewellery store stop, pick out a ring and tell him that is the one. If he refuses then, either he is more concerned with what he wants than what you want or he doesn't want to get married. Either way, you may need counseling to reach a healthy place.
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  • Shara
    Savvy August 2021
    Shara ·
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    Seems like this guys lives in a fantasy… he likes the idea of marriage but in reality, he can’t afford it and is completely procrastinating because he really isn’t mature enough or in the right place financially to make a commitment like that. I know that sounds harsh, but I’ve been with a lot of men like this in the past… and I gotta tell you, it never worked out. Not saying this will happen to you, but you do have to speak up and KNOW you are not wrong. He can accuse you of putting pressure on him and being “unreasonable” but literally show him all these comments from everyone. You’re not wrong to be upset!
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  • P
    Savvy June 2024
    Paige ·
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    Thank you. I honestly do feel almost crazy feeing this way. But at the same time I’m not in the wrong for wanting what I want.
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