And oddly, I'm relieved.
Let me explain. In the last year of getting engaged I've been so excited but have found it more of a burden then anything. I've noticed a lot of new behavior in my fiance, one that I might have just been too blind to see until now. He's taken his mother's side in everything, from planning our wedding to picking out my bridesmaids and they've shrugged off my thoughts, but have burdened me with calling the vendors and balancing the budget. He's become needy, as in calls me right away if I don't reply in his timely manner. I always need to find time to see him, or else he'll threaten me. He's even shown up at my work just to make sure I'm there. I feel disrespected and trapped by him and maybe this also something that had contribute to my own dismay when it comes to my wedding.
To make matters worse, in the past few months I've been in a car accident which resulted in my car being a total loss and have medical bills despite being not at fault. I've lost my closest friend. A very special family member died. School has been difficult and instead of the support from my fiance I'd like, he says he understands and it will get better but I can't let it effect the wedding. I''ve become a heavy drinker, as in never sober, and after being hospitalized due to alcohol poisoning and a stern talking to from a sibling, I decided I needed to make a choice for myself.
I told my fiance today I wanted to postpone the wedding. I wanted to get the help I need and take care of myself. I want us to get some counseling because the engagement has shown some shady things about him - always wanting his mother's approval, insecurity. He's angry at me and refuses to speak to me and I understand why. I still love him despite the way he's become and I still hope to marry him, but not as soon as he once thought.
I guess I'm hoping from assurance or advice on whether or not I'm being selfish here.
