I'm tired of always being left out of wedding parties

Hope you feel better for having vented. When it comes time for you to make choices, perhaps you will have more empathy for the difficult choices others have had to make.

I totally feel ya! I was in my first wedding this past fall at 28 years old. My cousin is my MOH and I wasn't her bridesmaid. Two of my bridesmaids say they either aren't having a wedding or won't have a bridal party. So yeah. One for me for probably my entire life lol hope you feel better!

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Look I get that it's difficult to make to choices. But, not one person has ever given me a chance to stand up with them on their day. I'm always the one that is passed over even though I've done so much for other people. I'm tired of being left out every single time. Not even one friend or relative could give me a chance. I hated that as a kid none of my aunts, uncles, or cousins gave the chance to be in their weddings while every damn niece and nephew was included.

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Even if it was just one wedding I would be ok. I'm a bit older than you. I'm 33 and time is probably running out.

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I understood you the first time.

I say this out of a place of love and understanding, but you need to work on having thicker skin when it comes to things like this. I'm a giver and doer by nature. It took me many years to realize that my level of doing and the level of the people receiving weren't always going to be equal. It's not that they don't neccesarily appreciate it or that they're ungrateful. A big problem is the expectation of reciprocity. Give and do as you feel led, but realize you don't have to. Start making choices about when you'll do something and who you'll do it for. One of the most freeing sentences I've ever learned is, "No."

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I do say "no" sometimes. I've been there for friends during hard times.

I hate always been stuck on the sidelines for major events. It was embarrasing as a kid to have relatives and other wedding guests ask why I wasn't in the wedding. However, as a kid I thought that as an adult I would be asked to be in weddings. In college was when some friends started getting married and then I started to hope that my time would come. It never came and I just keep getting sadder.

I totally get the hurt, and I’ve felt left out before, but quite honestly, both having been in one wedding now, and having gotten married, it’s not that great. Being in my friend’s wedding was not at all fun or even an honor. It cost a lot of money, and I felt like an accessory. i felt like people were pretending to have fun more than they were actually having fun. In my wedding, I had only a maid of honor, and she didn’t really do anything in the wedding. My husband didn’t choose a best man because he didn’t want hurt feelings. We only had 20 guests...so naturally we had to leave people out, even people we really do like and care about. It’s the same with wedding parties.

I also as I have gotten older, realized that I shouldn’t rank my position in a friend's love lineup. Love isn’t a limited resource, and just because they’ve chosen others over you doesn’t mean they don’t like you. I sometimes feel jealous of friends’ closer relationship with others, but then I also realize that I have certain friends I feel closer to than others and I don’t have to be involved in everything every friend does. It’s only natural to feel a little twinge of envy, but it’s also only natural that people have to make choices.

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It's hard for me to not rank my position especially since wedding parties are usually about the ones who are considered the closest and most loved by the bride and groom. I know being in wedding isn't always fun. For me, it would show that at least one person loved me enough to ask. I have always viewed love as a limited resource. The one wedding that really hurt me was when my brother got married and the whole wedding party consisted of his now ex-wife's relatives. I realized right then and there that I was so stupid to think that my brother actually cared about his own blood family.

View Quoted Comment Well, you can’t depend on others for your self worth—and it sounds like your brother let your former SIL call the shots, which is probably part of the reason she’s an ex. Chin up!

I'm a bride and this will be the first wedding I've been in. Yeah, it sucks I'll never get to be a flower girl or bridesmaid; but it's okay. Just pick who you want to be in your wedding with confidence and grace. Who do you want by your side?

I know this must be hard for you but it's out of your control. The sooner you can accept it and let it go, the happier you'll be. Look at it this way, being in a wedding party is a lot of work and can be very expensive for those involved. When you're not in the wedding party, you get to show up and party and go home when it's all said and done. I hope looking at it from a different perspective will help.

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I know it's work and money and I'm fine with that. Being a wedding party is in honor and does show everyone else who are the favorites and the most loved in friends and relatives' groups. It's not about the time or money for me. It's just wanting one person to love me enough to ask.

As a pp said, stop judging your self worth by insignificant things like being asked to be a groomsman. You already have someone who loves you. You have a fiancee who agreed to marry you and spend the rest of her life with you.

Have you ever seen a therapist to deal with your issues? Harboring this much ill will is only hurting you, not anyone else. You are carrying a heavy burden of resentment.

There are lots of people who've never been in a bridal party at your age. I'm going to be a bride and I was never a bridesmaid, I'm 34- not sure about all of the groomsmen but the one I'm close with I know this is his first time. My MOH is the only one of my girls that had been a bridesmaid and she was never a maid of honor before and she's 11 years older than me, so there's no age limit. My other 4 were never bridesmaids and 1 of them is my engaged sister and she may not even have a bridal party, another is a FSIL that got married twice while I was dating FH and I wasn't a bridesmaid. Other FSIL is 33. I'm leaving out 3 or 4 neices and nephews because I have 7 and 3 are too young and one may be with his mom/unable to come. I'm sure they didn't all have a conspiracy to always leave you out it just worked out that way. One of the people I love the most isn't even going to my wedding, since she lives halfway around the world, it isn't the end all be all. Maybe they think you're sweet and understanding and wouldn't get mad at being excluded and someone else would so when they had to pick that's what they did or some other silly reason you're never going to know.

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For me, I don't know anyone my age or a bit younger or older who hasn't been in a wedding party. I do get very envious seeing them makes speeches at weddings, take formal pictures, getting gifts at bachelor parties, and then seeing the pics of them being on wedding parties all over Facebook or Instagram.

My fiancee has been in three weddings. The last one was last summer and she was a groomsmaid on the groom's side. I got so envious seeing how her friend from childhood cared so much about her to include her on his side.

I am wondering if you should see a therapist and talk through this with someone who is a professional. At age 33, it seems like you should have better ways to measure friendship/closeness of a relationship than bridal party selection and your overall happiness should not be so dependent on other people. You really need techniques to move beyond comparing yourself to others and to start focusing on you and your happiness. There is so much extraneous stuff that goes into bridal party selection (budget, in-laws, the # of people your FH wants, venue size, overall size of wedding, etc.). Being chosen or not is something you should try not to take personally. For example I am getting married without any bridesmaids or groomsmen.... I have a lot of friends and they will all be at my wedding as guests. None of them are upset at all (in fact, I think they love not having to spend so much money on attire). We have the SAME friendship whether or not they stand up in my wedding. You have the SAME level of friendship with your friends as well.

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I always feel like a lower level friend when Im not asked to be in weddings or other events.

I agree with plangalCG.

But after reading a lot of your responses to these posts, it seems like you're just throwing yourself a pity party. Being in weddings is totally overrated and often times just over-hyped. It's about changing your attitude to look at the positive things...like the fact that you get to celebrate people getting married and eat and drink for free!

YOU are in charge of YOUR OWN happiness!

View Quoted Comment I find your responses aggravating lol I know this post is old but I wonder what is the point in expecting empathy to be extended towards people who didn’t extend it to the original poster?? When people get married, somehow they think normal social cues don’t apply. If I’m not good enough to be at your wedding or if we’re close friends and you included everyone else with similar relationships/friendships then there are obvious implications for the relationship overall. Things will not be same moving forward after that.