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Savvy March 2020

I'm worried my wedding will be super tacky...

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Rachael, on February 14, 2018 at 5:40 PM

Hi all, I'm new to WeddingWire, primarily because of this post. I'm super worried my wedding is going to be tacky. We don't have anything set in stone yet, but we've been talking a lot about what we want and while he isn't as bothered, I'm really worried. I've been getting a lot of weird messages...

Hi all,

I'm new to WeddingWire, primarily because of this post. I'm super worried my wedding is going to be tacky. We don't have anything set in stone yet, but we've been talking a lot about what we want and while he isn't as bothered, I'm really worried. I've been getting a lot of weird messages from vendors in my area and other people when talking about my wedding and what we want, and it has me super on edge.

Firstly, we're working on a VERY limited budget. We really can't afford to go over 10 grand, and we'd like to stay under if at all possible. We're very unwilling to go into debt over our wedding, considering the fact that I'm already buried in student loan debt. And it's been really hard to find anyone in the Pittsburgh area who will take anything less than 10k just for the venue, food, and drinks.

Here are currently all the things I've been told are tacky about my wedding:

Having it in a fire hall or banquet hall, having it literally any place except a ballroom, not having anyone walk me down the aisle or dance with me in place of my dad, having either BBQ or Mexican catering (which we want) rather than a fancy catered meal and just that as a late night snack, having only beer and wine and a couple signature drinks rather than a fully open bar, having a memorial table, having sheet cakes for guests rather than them eating from the big tiered cake, doing a dollar dance (which ive never EVER been to a wedding without), having a honeymoon registry, having a halloween themed wedding, not inviting my coworkers, not wearing a full length wedding gown....

The list goes on and on and on. I'm really working myself into a frenzy over this to the point where I've said to my fiance on multiple times that we should just elope because I'm too stressed about trying not to be tacky, and make everyone happy... so I'm asking for advice. Which of these are people just being picky or trying to upsell me things, and which of these are things that are ACTUALLY tacky and bad to do.

Thanks in advance.

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169 Comments

Devoted April 2018
Vivian · on February 14, 2018 at 8:55 PM
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Okay, I was just confused by the "just that as a late night snack." Did you mean that AND? Because if you're doing BBQ or Mexican as a main meal served earlier on, I love that! Just want to make sure you aren't just serving it at the very end if the reception is at dinner-time.
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Expert June 2018
Denise · on February 14, 2018 at 8:57 PM
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UO, but I didn't find anything that you listed as tacky, including the dollar dance and honeyfund. It MAY be tacky to some (you will never please everyone and there will always be someone that's offended), but if you and FH love it, then run with it! Those that truly love you will support. Your guests don't have to LOVE every aspect of your wedding to love and support you two as a couple That's just my two cents. No right or wrong. Simply my opinion!
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Expert August 2018
Jill · on February 14, 2018 at 9:02 PM
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Not tacky to me. I'm in Lehigh Valley, PA. We are getting married in a fire hall, I'm wearing a short dress, only having wine/beer/signature drink. Our budget is also $10,000. It sounds like you described my wedding.
You can have a great party, if you do it well, and smart, even for little money. Look for sales and deals, you don't need to splurge to have a good time. A lot of DIY can go a long way. It's your day, do what makes you happy. If you're afraid someone is going to judge you negatively, they probably shouldn't be on your guest list anyway. The marriage is the important part, not the fru-fru details.
Skip the honeyfund though, my friends did this and were disappointed in the amount that went to fees. Just have a small or no registry and your guests will get the hint.
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VIP May 2018
plangalCG · on February 14, 2018 at 9:10 PM
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I’m not in Pittsburgh but I’m from the Pittsburgh area, and I think you’re going to be fine! I’ve seen dollar dances at nearly every area wedding I’ve been to. I agree on the honeyfund—I’m just plum against it.

if I could have found a cheap hall in the DC area, I would be doing that!

Not it sure how you feel about it, or where you are exactly, but there are several Italian restaurants in the eastern part of the area (Greensburg/Latrobe) that have decently priced wedding packages.
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Devoted November 2023
Crystal · on February 14, 2018 at 9:10 PM
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Where I am from people give cash at weddings and an open bar is expected. If you have a cash bar then that money is coming out of your gift.
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Dedicated July 2018
Melanie · on February 14, 2018 at 9:34 PM
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And that's fine because where I come from open bars rarely happen and people give gifts. I was telling the OP to do her day how she wants. Etiquette is so different than it ever has been in the past and people are not having weddings "by the book" anymore. Do what makes the couple happy because it's their day to remember.
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Devoted March 2019
AF412 · on February 14, 2018 at 9:51 PM
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I'll look at my notes and post some venue ideas on your wall!
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VIP October 2018
Victoria · on February 14, 2018 at 10:07 PM
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That is incorrect. Your wedding day is ALWAYS your day. People come to celebrate you.
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Expert April 2019
lilchameleon · on February 14, 2018 at 10:09 PM
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Everything sounds fine but the honeymoon registry and the dollar dance. Both of those are tacky- unless you’re from a culture where a money dance is normal. But that’s usually different than a dollar dance.
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Master December 2016
Elizabeth · on February 14, 2018 at 10:33 PM
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It is not incorrect. I would encourage you to spend some time getting to know the forum and you will learn all about proper etiquette, including the fact (and yes, it is a fact) that once you invite a single guest, you become a host and the day is no longer just about you. This is Hosting 101. Pick up any etiquette book.
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Just Said Yes November 2018
Sharon · on February 14, 2018 at 10:53 PM
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YOU are the one getting married. Do whatever you want, because it will be perfect to YOU. As for the honeymoon registry. My fiancé and I are doing a “newlywed fund” because we have a house full of stuff and would rather go on a more expensive honeymoon than get more plates. Do you, and don’t worry about anyone els. If they aren’t paying they don’t get a say.
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Devoted March 2018
Amburgerr · on February 14, 2018 at 10:53 PM
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I 100% agree with this! I think it all sounds delightful and fun!
Eat what you want and wear what you want. My SIL had BBQ in a meeting hall early morning, it was an absolutely beautiful wedding! Don't let others sway you, if you don't back down they will have no choice but to accept it. People always find something to say. If you don't do what you want to do they will say you weren't true to yourself. I'd rather people judge me,for who I am and what I like vs a toned down or different version of me
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Devoted April 2018
Kelly · on February 14, 2018 at 10:58 PM
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It’s all amazing!!!! Just make sure you’re doing it bc it’s you and not bc you want to keep a low budget! We found awesome affordable catering that was more laid back but so delicious. It needs to be reflective of you, not your budget. But if this is you, it’s amazing and it sounds like a wedding I would want to go to.

the honeymoon registry is fine as long as you’re having them purchase outings, spa treatments, dining options, etc. if you want money, don’t make a registry at all and just tell people when they ask you don’t have a registry. They’ll get the hint
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Dedicated September 2018
Marissa · on February 14, 2018 at 11:08 PM
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I'm getting married in a barn and having pizza. It's your day you know what's best
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Super October 2018
MaltedMilk · on February 14, 2018 at 11:13 PM
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When I started to read your post I thought "Uh oh....." but your ideas are great, except for the honeymoon fund and dollar dance. If you are really set on the dollar dance go ahead but please skip the honeymoon fund. Not sure when that became a thing but it needs to go.
BBQ or Mexican? Hell yes! A firehouse or banquet hall is great - all your other ideas are great, too. Don't discuss your wedding with others - it invites criticism and comments. You are doing great on your own!
We are having a budget wedding as well - keeping it classy with a low guest count. Best wishes!!!
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Dedicated August 2018
Ashley · on February 14, 2018 at 11:15 PM
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Idk if you're into podcasts but there's a podcast called bridechilla lol. Its amazing and all about how weddings should be a representation of us, its super supportive, funny, and always calms me down. Btw i loves all of your ideas! Good luck! Love your fellow low budget bride! ($5,000)
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VIP November 2018
ISaidHallYes · on February 14, 2018 at 11:50 PM
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Yay!! I’m a Pittsburgh bride too!!

To the op: don’t think any of that is tacky. You are hosting with alcohol! It doesn’t matter exactly what type.

I don’t see a problem with the honey fund personally. However, People will give you a gift anyways so it’s unnecessary and can come off as tacky depending on your crowd.

As for the dollar dance I have never been to a wedding without one. It’s not the fact of actually wanting the money and more of a tradition. It’s fun. I love them at weddings! But there are Brides from all over and allllll different backgrounds so it’s a personal and social decision!

Dont worry! As long as you have alcohol, food, and general good hosting then just enjoy the day!
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Savvy September 2018
Leeann · on February 15, 2018 at 12:01 AM
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First you shouldn’t care what others think. You should do what make you both happy if others don’t like it than they shouldn’t be invited. Second a lot of those things are smart decisions especially because you have your budget. I’m considering no cake because we don’t really eat cake but a sheet cake is way cheaper than a dolled up cake. It can be stressful but it shouldn’t be. This is suppose to be a happy time for you. I hope I helped.
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Devoted October 2018
Brittany · on February 15, 2018 at 12:12 AM
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Everything you listed is totally fine. Our budget is $7000 and we are doing well at keeping it at that. If it's what you want then to hell with other people's opinions. No pay then they don't get a say. Now the honeymoon you need to pay yourself instead of asking for other people to contribute to it.
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VIP January 2019
Heather · on February 15, 2018 at 12:24 AM
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Everything is fine. The only opinions that matter are yours and FS. Also, interesting fact, when Macy's created the wedding registry in 1924, it wasn't well received, yet look at it now. The truth is, there isn't one way to do a wedding. Everyone is going to have differing opinions, and some will scream their opinions at the top of their lungs to try and sway people. But at the end of it all, you and your spouse are the ones who will look back on this day. It should be what the two of you envision, not what strangers on the Internet, vendors trying to sell you something, or even friends and family who want to feel special on your day tell you. Good luck with the planning. Try not to feel too stressed. You got this!
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