Imbalanced Guest List

First let me say I'm so sorry that so many of his family are unable to attend. Maybe you should not have a groom and bride side. Let everyone sit on either side. Remind your family that it's not about who didn't come, but who is there to celebrate with you all.

Does it bother your fiance? I'm sure your guests will understand/not even notice, it's a long way to come!

I'm British and out of our 100 people guestlist, about 15 are my family and friends from the UK, probably about 65 are his family/family friends, and the rest are our mutual friends. In my opinion, the wedding is a place for everyone to meet and mix, it doesn't matter who is from where, just that they want to celebrate with you!

I agree with Arkilla. You might what to think about having ushers seat guests instead of having specific bride and groom sides so that the imbalance of his guests isn't so obvious.

Also it might rub people the wrong way if they were invited to a wedding after the fact simply to fill empty seats. It might be a good idea to look over seating charts and see how you can rearrange things while you still have a few months left.

My cousins wedding was wildly imbalanced. His wife must have had 50 cousins, who spoke no english, come from Italy. It was too much fun!
Friends got sat on our side and given honorary family titles (mostly cousin, aunt or uncle) and we were all completely lost during the mass, never knowing when to sit, stand or kneel. Meanwhile her side didn't even speak the language and never missed a beat.
I know this is disappointing. I hear that, and you're totally entitled to feel that way. It's really fine, though. I'm sure your family and friends will reach out and make it feel less like there are sides.

The are in England, just because you can travel there, doesn't mean they can travel here. Stop worrying about imbalance. My wedding is a 100 people. 80% of that is my family and friends because my FH doesn't really deal with his family. No one is embarrassed. I'm sure everyone understands the situation. That is a very small thing to be worried about. If your FH is fine, then you should be too. Go ahead and invite other people once you get a no.

Maybe don’t have a chart seat, have all to mingle so no one notices.... how he feels about not having all his invites coming... if bothers him, probably have a celebration in the UK as well. I would for he to enjoy his folks/friends that cannot attend the ceremony in the US.

Thanks for your comments. I will be able to avoid people sitting on specific sides in the church and event venue. But weddings are meant to be unions of 2 people and families and it will just look like a celebration of me! Also, the photos and speeches will be awkward.

My family and friends will be very welcoming, that I do not need to worry about.

It's not imbalanced you will be celebrating with your family and his family that can attend. Regardless of the number.

I'm sorry he has so many people declining. That must be disappointing. I would not worry about the imbalance though. Even if everyone on my guest list RSVPs yes, my guest list is still less than half the size of FH's. That's just the way it is. FH has a lot more friends then I do. I'm an introvert and have only a few really good friends that I wanted to invite. FH is an extrovert who still keeps in touch with a lot of his college friends, and his family is bigger than mine is. It just worked out that way.

So sorry to hear that, but try to stay positive! Even with an imbalance perhaps you can see it this way; your families will become one and the guests from his side will surely be treated as such. I am going to have a similar situation my Costa Rican FH has a huge family and I have only 5 family members and we have some European common friends who are attending but the majority will be Latin-Americans. But this is the day where we will merge our families and friends into one big family

It really won’t matter, unless it’s upsetting your FH. My wedding was 25 people including us, and only 8 were from “my side”. No one noticed or felt awkward, and it was still the joining of two families.

And who knows, since you have 4 months left, more people from his side may be able to make it. Definitely do not invite more to fill seats, that just seems disingenuous.

As far as the ceremony goes I would just have people sit where they want and I agree that ushers might be a good idea because I feel some people still sit on “bride’s side” and “grooms side” even if it’s a sit anywhere ceremony.
Like HowCo Industries I also went to a wedding that was imbalanced and the brides side was also Italian and a bunch of them traveled from Italy. The grooms side (our friend) had a very small family and of the 200 guests I think only 15 or so were his family (everyone else was a friend or her side). When you’re seated for dinner no one will know how imbalanced it is especially if all the tables are commingled.
I’m sorry so few of his family can be there. I don’t want to add more expense for you but would you go there at some point to celebrate with those that can’t make it? Even if it’s just a quick dinner while you’re there.

We were in a pretty similar situation! My husband is Australian and I’m from the US. We had our wedding in the US. We knew from the beginning it would be pretty unbalanced which bothered me more than it actually bothered him. I felt really bad about it and similar to you didn’t want it to feel like “my” wedding. My husband kept assuring me he didn’t really care and as long as the people that really mattered were there. We invited a lot of people and only about 20 total from his side made it (vs 75ish on my side). Two of his best friends/groomsmen dropped out about 2 months out. Both his remaining grandparents couldn’t make the trip. But all of his immediate family were there, a few aunts/uncles/cousins and one of his good friends made it as a groomsmen. He said in the end he was really happy with the turn out. I felt like at the rehearsal dinner/wedding everyone was excited to meet “the Aussies” that my side and his side all talked together and meshed together really well. It definitely didn’t feel to me like it was my huge side over here and his tiny side over there. It ended up really feeling like just one group of people who cared about us. Not to sound corny lol but it really did. I know it can be disappointing but as long as the truly important people can make it I think it will be okay!! Good luck to you guys!!

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Thank you, this is helpful. Yes, I am much more bothered about it than he is... I am bothered that he is not bothered! I think I just expected people to come, as we have been engaged for a while. Several have come for holidays here, I will work something out. I am just concerned about a best man speech with no one there to understand the references and the photos with most of his family missing.

I think this is more common than you think. I have no family, he really doesn't have friends, so it was all his family, and all my friends, lol! But in reality, it really didn't feel that way because everyone was so welcoming of each other and we had a wonderful time mingling with everyone.