So a music group I'm in is playing our wedding. We've been together 15 years, friends of varying levels, it really does function like a (often dysfunctional) family. Not a ton of weddings in our personal lives but of anyone who got married we played each other's weddings. So not a big deal for us to ask, of course we asked, everyone was enthusiastic right away. Made it pretty chill (the whole event is chill) just one 45-60 minute set instead of 3-4 hours like normal. We are paying them as well as they/their families being guests.
We usually have 1-3 people on my instrument which is kinda the superstar instrument of the band. Like, can't do the gig in this style of music without it. Well, I'm not playing (or maybe was going to sit in only on one or two). That left 2 guys both of whom said yes in Feb. Recently one guy expressed he wasn't sure since he knew he had to help with elderly relatives around the time of the wedding, Delta variant, etc. OK. Sucks but he communicated that he is unsure- not just about this but also other gigs coming up.
Today other guy- who is the main guy on our instrument- sends a very casually worded email to me and the band leader saying he just booked a vacation leaving 5 days before the wedding for a month abroad. Just saying he wants to make sure a bunch of gigs are covered (not all are- so now I have to take off extra time of work during a time I already had maxed out time off due to wedding and a tour/other gigs)...and also, "sorry, will miss your wedding!"
I am so upset. First off- we have been in the same friend group for 15-16 years. I wasn't best friends with him by any means but we certainly hung out many many times over the years. Also- we have been in the same group for a total of 8 years, on the same instrument playing together. This was over a 14 year period (I left the city for a few years).
I wrote back (I'm at work and can't call) to express that I was upset and his response was that he's been trying to book this trip "since June". Um, ok, well you committed to this in FEBRUARY. He said he felt sorry I was upset he didn't anticipate it being a big deal. I wrote back that this is telling me both professionally and personally he values this other experience more than the commitment he made, how else would he expect me to feel? He also did not get a replacement (unprofessional) and TBH it's going to be hard if not possible to do that for this- there are no other people who play this style in our city and everything harder now with covid.
How do I move on from here with this person that I will have a continued working relationship (probably not friends with how I am feeling now) for the forseeable future?
Am I being bridezilla or just deservingly p$$d that now maybe we have no live band for our wedding (bc other guy might not be able to do also)? OR having to rearrange everything for 2nd guy (he now says he will consider it only if everything is 100% outside...which will be possible but tricky/more expensive to arrange. We are doing wedding on $5k budget in NJ so you can understand that stress). My fiance and I are all about live music and specifically around this group we have so many experiences with.
