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Amber
Just Said Yes July 2021

In crisis mode

Amber, on June 27, 2021 at 8:32 PM Posted in Planning 0 18
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I am beyond stressed out today we were doing our 1st premiereable counseling session with my pastor at the church we're supposed to have our wedding at Now it's not like we ever tried to hide my future husband's faith and I'm positive we've told him before so I don't understand why this is such a big surprise but as soon as he found out that my future husband is not a Christian and I am he decided he would not marry us and now it looks like we're not even gonna get to use the church to be married at so I no longer have a venue and I no longer have somebody to marry us and my wedding is in 12 days I have people flying in I can't just change the date I don't know what to do We've already paid off the cake that DJ the cater but we don't have any more money to try to get a thing you and I'm not sure what we're going to do

18 Comments

Latest activity by Elyssa, on June 28, 2021 at 1:40 PM
  • K
    Expert September 2021
    Ka-Rina ·
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    Yikes! Have someone local with a marriage license marry you. You can even have a friend or a close family member officiate.
    Honestly they don’t even have to have a license to officiate cuz you could get “legally married” by the towns clerk and then have a ceremony in front of friends and family
    If you are set on getting married at a church only I think you are screwed. I never heard of someone from another faith being allowed to get married in a Christian church. I could be wrong
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  • mrswinteriscoming
    VIP December 2021
    mrswinteriscoming ·
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    I would immediately look into the documents you signed and what the church's policy is regarding other faiths. I myself am not religious but my understanding is many churches are ok with either the bride or groom being the requisite religion/denomination, however it is best to check first.

    Once you have this known, get on the phone to the applicable contact at the church and advise what has happened and that it is prudent you have a solution reached before the end of day as your wedding is in less than 2 weeks. Immediately send them an email confirming the telephone discussion.

    Make specific note that you've previously mentioned your fiance's faith and that it is unreasonable for the pastor to act the way he has. If need be, see if they'd be agreeable to you bringing a pastor from another church if anyone is available.

    Good luck!

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  • Jm Sunshine
    Jm Sunshine ·
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    Amber, I am very sorry you are finding this out now. I don't know your reasons for choosing a church wedding if your fiance is not a Christian (purpose of church wedding is to get married in the eyes of God with Bible readings, blessings, prayers) but could you have a civil ceremony at your reception venue? There are plenty of people certified to officiate civil ceremonies (Google officiants in your area). Otherwise for $50 you could have a loved one (dad, grandpa, friend) become ordained through: themonastery.org/landing/get-ordained and officiate your wedding.
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  • Amber
    Just Said Yes July 2021
    Amber ·
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    We were only using the church because my mom works there and said the the pastor told her we could use the church for the ceremony and reception and he wasnt charging us
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  • Michelle
    Rockstar December 2022
    Michelle ·
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    Wow that is a time crunch. However it is very common for ministers to not be willing to perform weddings for couples who do not attend the church or who don’t belong to that faith. Get on the phone aaap and find out if the local parks department has a venue you can rent inexpensively and find out what the laws are in your state for one day ordinations or contact a local officiant via thumbtack.com
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  • Gabby
    Devoted October 2021
    Gabby ·
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    It doesn't matter her reason. That wasn't very helpful of you.
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  • Gabby
    Devoted October 2021
    Gabby ·
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    Do you have a contract? I'd say fight this if you have a contract but I'm not sure what you can do if you have no contract. Churches are typically cheaper to rent than wedding venues so I'd be calling around and have your fiance and possibly parents call around too.
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  • Jm Sunshine
    Jm Sunshine ·
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    Ummm, because if her reason was because she was a member of the church then she would probably could appeal. There is a big difference between church ceremonies and civil ceremonies which is why I also suggested having a friend or relative become ordained instead. I also didn't know until her 2nd post that her reception was also supposed to be there as well which does make everything even more complicated. Which leads me to this...
    Amber, if your reception is in a multipurpose room or grounds you should still be able to use it (with a different officiant). Churches rent their facilities all the time to outside groups.


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  • M
    Just Said Yes May 2023
    Melissa ·
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    Is it possible to use the venue as the place for the ceremony? Or are there any open and affirming churches in the area, they may not have the strict requirements. Good luck!
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  • J
    Judith ·
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    Are there any Unitarian Universalist churches in your area. You most make a statement including believing in God ( look online) but they're not Christan. Being Christian is okay, but not necessary. They are all about acceptance and doing good work s for others. About 1/2 of the one my husband attends joined at time of marriage, one Christian or Jewish spouse, one not. Short notice, but try.
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  • Aleann
    Savvy October 2022
    Aleann ·
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    That is so awful. I would’ve thought with you both already signing paperwork, and paying for the venue would mean you’re already locked in. I don’t see how in such short notice due to someone’s religious background, that you can’t get married in that church. Definitely look into it, and keep looking around for another venue, let your vendors know to change the address, and let guests know.
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  • Michelle
    Rockstar December 2022
    Michelle ·
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    Excellent idea if a local park venue is not available
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  • Gabby
    Devoted October 2021
    Gabby ·
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    Wow where are you located? Our unitarian church is mostly people that don't believe in God. Many are atheists that miss the church community. It's the first church I've actually felt comfortable in.
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  • Amber
    Just Said Yes July 2021
    Amber ·
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    South austin
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  • J
    Judith ·
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    Most are unhappy with the church they grew up in , but are not atheists. Our area was largely Catholic, Methodist and Lutheran, so the local UU has more of those, but there is quite a mix. It does vary regionally..
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  • Gabby
    Devoted October 2021
    Gabby ·
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    Interesting. That's good to know. We live in a very liberal city so I'm sure that has something to do with it. I know they have some paganish type rituals and ceremonies.
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  • Samantha
    VIP October 2022
    Samantha ·
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    First…breathe. This is super stressful, so take a bit to calm so you can communicate well.
    Then look at your contract and see if there is any language in it about this. If not, call the pastor and ask where in the contract it allows for them to cancel for this reason. He may not realize that contracts are legally binding. He isn’t required marry you, but if you’ve contracted with the church as a venue, it’s likely he can’t deny you use of the venue.
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  • Elyssa
    Just Said Yes October 2021
    Elyssa ·
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    You just to have to stay come and have fun with it
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