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A
Beginner January 2022

In-law struggles

Abby, on June 22, 2021 at 3:50 PM

Posted in Family and Relationships 26

Hey ladies and gents, this is kind of a rough topic. So, me and my fiancé got engaged back in February and have been working our butts off to prepare for our January 7th, 2022 wedding. Well, my family is fully supportive (funny because my family is significantly more toxic than his typically) and...
Hey ladies and gents, this is kind of a rough topic. So, me and my fiancé got engaged back in February and have been working our butts off to prepare for our January 7th, 2022 wedding. Well, my family is fully supportive (funny because my family is significantly more toxic than his typically) and his parents aren’t thrilled to say the least. His mother didn’t even congratulate us on our engagement it was just a “oh thank god you’re not pregnant”. I’ve always had a great relationship with his parents. Here’s the difficult part. How do I handle this situation???? His parents think we are young and naive and rushing. I will be almost 23 and my fiancé will be 22 when we officially get married. They’ve been incredibly controlling on the subject. They say we aren’t ready for life, they’ve taught my fiancé nothing about the real world.... and they blame him for that lack of knowledge. Do we go ahead with our wedding plans?.... or do we give up our special day to appease them? I’ve tried to respectfully show them our side and they just get frustrated with us more. Any insight would be highly appreciated.
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26 Comments

  • A
    Beginner January 2022
    Abby ·
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    I see your point completely, but I won’t be able to live with him until we’re married is the thing. Not with my religious beliefs. Sadly.... it isn’t always a place of love. They kinda treat my fiancé like trash sometimes, but thank you for the comment and the insight I appreciate it
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  • Katie
    Expert August 2021
    Katie ·
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    I agree that for some people those ages are young. But I don't think it makes a difference in today's world. I know people who got married at 18 who are celebrating their 20 year anniversary. I also know people who had their first marriage at 30 and are already on number 5. I don't think you should try a please anyone but you and your fiance. If you 2 believe you guys are ready then that's all that matters and you should go for it. Everyone will have an opinion on your life and no matter what you choose you are going to be wrong in someone's eyes. Forget others opinions and do what makes you happy.
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  • Kari
    Master May 2020
    Kari ·
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    I agree with others that this feels more like a "wanting to make sure you are ready and what's the rush at such a young age" thing rather than anything personal.

    I have always been pretty independent and mature for my age and I still did a ton of growing in my 20s. Who I was at 22 was very different than who I was at 27. Marrying in my early 20s (or to the person I was dating then) would never have been the right choice for me.

    If you and your partner are financially independent, have discussed your goals for the future, have a committed, trusting, healthy relationship, and feel like you are on the same path and ready for marriage then maybe you just accept that his parents aren't there with you just yet. If the support of his family is super important, maybe you consider having a longer engagement and discussing with them their concerns and hopes for your relationship together.

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  • A
    Beginner January 2022
    Abby ·
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    Thank you Katie, I appreciate and I’ll try my best to work on that
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  • Natalie
    Super November 2020
    Natalie ·
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    Ultimately, do you think you would be in such a “rush” to get married if the two of you lived near one another or if your families weren’t “toxic”? I am not sure of how often you see each other, current living situations (with parents, on own), etc., but have you considered living separately in the same town? Also, you mentioned being fearful that your parents could steal your money again. You need to get your own bank account that they do not have access to.
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  • Florida Marlins
    Expert October 2017
    Florida Marlins ·
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    Okay, I am the 56 year old voice coming through: Please wait. From what I have read you are waaaaaaay too dependent on what others think and want. Please work for a few years, support yourself financially then see where you are in life. Not saying break up so please don't read it that way. Sounds like you got together young. Trust me on this: What you want when you are twenty is NOT what you want at thirty. Please become 100% financially independent on them and limit what you share. Sounds like there are some boundary issues going on, too, although I could be misreading them.

    And if you decide to get married, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE wait to start a family. That is a HUGE life changing event. For everyone, Best wishes. Smiley heart

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