In laws screwed us over

Wow. I am so sorry this is happening to you. Your FMIL is being ridiculous. Your mother did not disrespect her. You even asked if that day was okay and she said yes AND your mom changed the time to accommodate her. I would move ahead with your shower as planned and ignore your FMIL's tantrum.

As far as everything else goes, I really hope you can smooth things over with FMIL just until the wedding. Maybe then she will allow you to have the wedding in their backyard. However, to be safe, I would start reaching out to local venues and see if there are any open dates due to cancellations and whatnot. And what your parents pay for or don't pay for is none of your FMIL's business. Let her know that if it is a problem, you and your fiancé will take care of the catering bill on your own.

This woman plays little kids games. Cut her out of your mind and book another venue. Look at park service permits, other friends, etc. Prepare to pay for catering yourself. The fact that she rescinded an offer she extended makes her and her husband look like controlling fools. You and your FH should be treated as adults, and honestly, you can't predict when Mama will be able to let go. So just plan without her. They should still be invited though.

Protect your FH and tell him you are preparing next steps and all will be fine (while he handles his own disappointment). You have 2 months. He should not feel responsible pushing his parents towards maturity.

Man that really sucks and I'm sorry you are dealing with this. It sounds like your mom did her best to accommodate your FMIL and its really unfair for her to back out of offering her backyard. It might be really hard to find a new venue at this point and get all your vendors switched to a different venue. Maybe give her a few days to calm down, and then you and FH can approach her nicely and explain that her pulling the venue might make it impossible to have your wedding at all. In the meantime, check around and see if anyone does have an opening, or if maybe another local family member is willing to offer up some space.

I have nothing helpful to say. I just want to sympathize and say this really sucks and I hate that your FMIL is being like this to you and to her own son.

There are some people you will never get along with, because they simply do not want to get along with you. I encountered this with my husband's grandmother, the one who raised him. I was the wicked b$%ch taking her cherished baby boy away, so no matter what I did, I was the bad guy. When I was going to medical school, she told everyone I was a bad wife because I was away from home a lot. I was a bad wife because I wouldn't give my husband children that he didn't want. I could have been volunteering to save orphans from warzones and she would have found some reason that this made me a bad wife.

The fact that they've been interfering with your plans since 2019 suggests to me you're dealing with something similar. They don't like you because they just don't want to. Maybe it has to do with your FH (like it did with mine), or maybe it doesn't. Whatever it is, it's their problem, not yours. You did your best. Now it's time to do what's best for you and set your boundaries. I had no relationship with my husband's grandmother. I didn't speak to her once in the six years before she died, and I'm not sorry about it whatsoever.

I know you will be able to pull it together without their help. But I am still so sorry you're having to deal with it.

FH needs to realize that since she reneged on the offer of her backyard once, she'll be likely to do it again when she gets the next bee in her bonnet. You're right - better off not accepting any offers of any sort of help from her. She's shown she's untrustworthy and unreliable.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I'll keep my fingers crossed that the firehall will work for you! If you have a local wedding swapsite/facebook group you might reach out through them to see if anyone has some venue recommendations for last minute bookings.

Overall, I'm glad you've taken a firm stance in the past. When FH talks to his parents, he's going to have to tell them how hurtful their behavior is, especially this close to the wedding. However emphasize that it's hurting your relationship with them, not between the two of you, and if they want to stay in touch with you guys they need to shape up or the wedding will be the last major contact you have with them.

I would strongly advise against not having them come. Let them make their own determinations there, but if they come skip the mother-son dance, or just make them significantly less prominent than you otherwise would have.