In-laws Won’t Get Tested

Ugh. I am so sorry! This is absolutely ridiculous. You are certainly not the only ones going through this though. I have seen multiple posts on this forum about similar situations. Unfortunately, your in-laws aren’t even putting politics in front of their son... they turning the health, safety, and lives of others into a political agenda. And while I can understand people not agreeing to receiving a vaccine for an event, getting a simple test to ensure they are not actively sick with a potentially deadly virus is certainly not asking too much. Although it is unfortunate, and I am sure your FH is very disappointed, he can take solace in knowing that you both are doing the right thing. *hugs*

I haven't experienced this with a wedding, but FH's mom is is livid with his brother about the vaccine. Him and his wife are due to have their second child in May, and told all family and friends that if they wish to hold the baby, they would like them to either be vaccinated, or have a mask on when doing so. Honestly, I thought that was a simple request and not ridiculous at all. You have to be careful with newborns anyways, and with Covid, even more careful.

FH's mom has been pitching a fit saying that 'it's so wrong' and that she can't believe they won't let her kiss her own grandchild. I personally feel like she's being a little dramatic and needs to think of the bigger picture. If they feel more comfortable with you getting vaccinated or wearing a mask when you hold the baby, then do it. Otherwise, don't do it, don't hold your grandchild, and don't pitch a fit. And it's literally only if you're HOLDING him. You can be in the same room and not have to wear a mask, but close contact yes, wear the mask or get vaccinated. Simple.

I'm sorry his parents are acting this way! It can be so frustrating, especially when you're just asking for a test, not for them to get vaccinated.

Have they said why they are refusing?

I'm sorry you guys have to deal with stubborn parents. In my state it is mandatory for wedding guests to be tested right before the wedding. In addition to that they also need to leave their info for contact tracing. I had a few family members not immediate ones tell me that they refuse to come if they are forced to follow guidelines, I told them "that's fine we didn't really want to waste valuable space on irresponsible childish adults anyways, thanks for letting us know ahead of time now we can invite others" like it's not my fault we are forced to follow these guidelines. And if I'm not important enough to you to suck it up for a day we'll sorry but I can't say I'll be missing you cause I won't.


But when it comes to his parents I don't know how to handle that because it's his parents. Not like my situation were it was just cousins and aunts and uncles. I guess I'd tell them if I was him this "wow obviously I'm not important enough for you guys to suck it up for one day, I see where I stand with you guys" and leave it at that. Make them feel horrible.

Move forward and maintain boundaries. If it gets more toxic, you may have to cut contact. That is unfortunate that they refuse to share in your happiness but some people aren't willing to do even that.

My in-laws, fortunately, are very serious about COVID and are all getting vaccines. But I know there are many brides who aren't as fortunate. I would say there's not much you can do, since arguing with them will probably make them dig their heels in deeper. I would go forward with your wedding as planned. Sometimes relatives threaten not to come (not just for COVID but for all kinds of reasons) but at the last minute they decide to show up after all.

Are your inlaws anti-vaxers? If so, that is so sad that they would put politics over their own son. I'm so sorry Is there any way you could blame it on the venue, and tell them that your venue requires all guests to have a negative test?

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No, never gave a solid reason for why. Just assuming they don’t believe in testing somehow?

I’m assuming that there may be other reasons in addition to why they no longer want to attend? Would you be willing to make it easier for your guests to do testing on site? Do you plan on your vendors and waitstaff and chefs also getting tested? Also, how do you plan on enforcing this? Will they need to provide negative testing proof of entry? What if one of your vendors forgets to bring their negative paper?

Brides in my state are dealing with something similar so I’m curious to see what your idea would be if you get into a pickle like that.

For me, we are forced to do this by our state and unless I am able to get rapid testing on site, I do feel that many of our guests will decline as they are only given 48 hours to get a negative test result. This presents a lot of problems from being able to book a test to getting the test results back in time, to having your guests accidentally forgot them at home etc. Some people also don’t like going to testing facilities because they feel that it is the easiest place to catch Covid. Will you still feel comfortable knowing that your guests could potentially still catch Covid after they get their test results back before attending your wedding?

If they said no to testing because of the ease of catching it after testing, but got the vaccine, fine. At over 50 they would have no trouble scheduling the vaccine by the wedding. This is a surer thing than testing. If they won't, yes, they put politics over their son. I am sorry for your FI, but he is right, morally, to want to protect everyone.
Be prepared for a marriage full of this stuff. Your pre-natal care, kids care with vaccinations at intervals. Theirs is yhe first generation to have benefited from a huge number of vaccinations and medications others did not had. Unless we all want polio, the deaf, blind, and developmentally delayed children by the 10,000 of babies born to moms with rubella during pregnancy, deafness or sterility with mumps or other people with known diseases and vaccines but no cures, we have to stand up to these non believers on the science of vaccines, and say, someone must stand up for all of.us. A shame they started with the wedding. This will come up over and over, and they likely are not thinking beyond 6 moths ahead.

View Quoted Comment I think this is worth having a conversation with them about it. Could they be concerned about the logistics of it? Maybe they don't think they'll be able to get an appointment and then quarantine after?

Oh no! I'm so sorry to hear about this Has your FH tried reasoning with them to change their mind?

Is it political, or do they just think the request is dirsrespectful and out of line? I feel that way about requests to get vaccinated, and I know many people feel that way about tests. What did they say?

View Quoted Comment There is a lot of charged, unreasonable rhetoric about vaccines on this thread. I am the vaccine coordinator for my office (making sure everyone who wants a flu vaccine, gets one) and a huge supporter of vaccines. I also work with and follow lots of doctors who are non-political and well-respected. Most do not view the covid vaccine as in the same category as the pox or polio vaccine. Most also dont advocate forcing or guilt-tripping people to take it because it undermines trust with the medical community. People seem to forget that MANY communities in the US, particularly women and BIPOC, have good reasons to mistrust the medical establishment. Calling them "anti-vaxxers" or accusing them of being ignorant science-deniers making the problem worse.

Sorry to hear that this happening. If you don’t mind me asking are you guys requesting all guests to get tested just because or is the state/County you live In require it? I’m not trying to be rude or anything but I think it’s kinda wrong to require peeps to get tested. Yes you want to keep everyone safe as possible. I feel the most you can ask is if they are feeling sick or have any symptoms to stay home. We only had one person drop from list due to covid. Idk but hope these go better.

View Quoted Comment I never said ignorant. You can educate someone who is ignorant. But few of those protesting do know the science. And according to 2 generations of physicians before me, I have a window on the times of other vaccines, and they were far from immediately accepted by all. As what is considered the I in BIPOC I know very well. There have been times in the US and Canada when all indigenous people's schools has the vaccinations available, withheld. But it makes no sense to refuse, because others have been unable to get it, in the past or at present. Unfortunately, a lot of politics has been involved, starting with wearing masks. It makes me choke to see people I watched with their newborns, or loved ones out of surgery, who happily gowned and masked up for their own family, and who thought, and think, that us medical types following precautions our entire working days and lives, are fie doing it. Now they are walking and hanging out in crowds with their families, no precautions, with bizarre explanations sometimes about the science, and also a out their political party. As long as this goes on, any forum related to marriage, birth, children, or multigenerational behavior, how parents and children treat each other, is going to end up with discussion on the subject. We are all people too. Some of us are medical personnel, too. And many of us are BIPOC, though why our distrusts have anything to say to parents unwilling to take precautions at their grown children's wedding, is a mystery to me.