In laws

Also they are trying to convince his grandma to leave early because she doesn't aprove of drinking nor do they but my fiance works at a bar for a living and loves it so it's really hard for me to get really defensive and I think I unintentionally just holding it against them and not letting them help with the wedding

Personally, if someone tells me their opinion on my wedding, I just tell them I’ll take their opinion under advisement. Or “that sounds like a good idea” doesn’t mean you have to actually do it. My FMIL didn’t like the dress my MOH or other bridesmaid are wearing & told me so(she liked the dress my last bridesmaid choose since she’s had a double mastectomy & is conservative). I just said that I liked it & that’s what matters. Boundaries have to be set.

View Quoted Comment I agree with Michelle! General statements that don't commit to anything ("Sounds like an interesting idea!", "Thanks for your suggestion! We'll consider it.", etc) are usually good responses to when people offer unsolicited opinions on what you should do for your wedding. You could also say something like, "Thanks for the idea! But we already decided on __." Another option is to limit what information you give them about your wedding so that they don't have a chance to tell you they don't like your idea or try to get you to go with their idea.

Honestly I would not share much about my wedding and if you are forced to then I would do what the PP's said.

My FH's stepmom is the exact same way! She wants to be part of "the inner circle" (her words), but they haven't offered to help financially at all. I like her and want her to feel included, but she would 100% take over if I asked her opinion on anything and has very different tastes from me and FH. We are just gonna give her updates as we make decisions so that she can feel like she is in the know and not just another guest. Any of her suggestions have been met with similar responses to what the pp'd said- very neutral answers that kind of difuse the conversation.

I recommend you stop discussing the wedding with them. Simply smile and say "can't wait to celebrate with you on our big day."

I have a somewhat similar scenario where my MIL, wants to be super involved and has lots of ideas, but they don’t fit what I want and I want to do a lot by myself. What has been working for me thus far, is giving her specific projects to work on. Things that I’m not super passionate about or have a vision for, but things that will make them feel involved. My fiancé and i are paying for about 70% of the wedding, with my family contributing 20% and his family at 10%. I’m having her plan a Bridal Shower, Rehearsal Dinner and games and activities during Cocktail hour while my fiancé and I take photos.


Another piece of advice is when you talk about the wedding, make sure your enunciate how much your fiancé likes and picked or supports your ideas, usually if they hear how much their kid likes it, then that can help get them on board.

Sounds like good practice to lay the groundwork for your marriage if they're pushy you can diplomatically tell them you respect their opinions but you guys are doing what you want. It may be uncomfortable but guess what? They will most likely get the idea, it's not likely they will cut you guys off unless they're really THAT toxic, but when they get the picture you'll feel much better and hopefully have less interference and a healthier married life in the long run. Good Luck!

I would def stop talking to them about your plans and maybe try setting boundaries with them. When they start to compare I would say "that hurts my feelings, so can you please stop doing that?" Or I'd walk away. Sometimes subtle hints don't work and you have to be blunt

My mother in law was really opinionated about the wedding too.

i tried to accommodate some of her ideas that i found fine but i didn't always accommodate every one of them because at the end of the day there is a boundary there

Have a discussion with fiance and be on a united front. Do not share details with anyone.

I suggest you don't share anything with them related to your wedding. Just keep calm and start plannings for your wedding with your fiance. Do whatever you both want at your wedding. Don't care about anyone else.