Hi There!
I'm looking for a bit of perspective on including my father in the guest list for our upcoming wedding. My immediate friends group and fiancee are all from nuclear families, and I'm hoping to get a handle on this situation from others who may have experienced similar.
Apologies for the long post!
My dad split when I was a kid, and we only saw him every other weekend and some holidays. He re-married immediately after he left, and was extremely out of the picture for my youth. His wife was pretty cold and uncaring towards my brother and I (we weren't allowed to speak with our mother when we were at their home/my brother would be blamed for unreasonable issues, etc.), which still resonates today - I still have no relationship with this woman after 25 years of marriage to my father. My dad and I have a strained relationship as it is, and he has not really worked to have a relationship with my brother and I unless it's convenient for him/his schedule/his wife's schedule. I tell my fiancee that if this man wasn't my father, he wouldn't be in my life at all considering the way he's treated us over the years. Don't get me wrong, he's not a cruel man - it's just difficult for him to see outside of himself. My issue is that I've told him that I was considering not inviting his wife to our wedding, as I've never had a relationship with this person, and she still represents a lot of hurt that I've experienced as a child - if this is meant to be one of the happiest days of my life and future, I would prefer to leave that hurt in the past. We're trying to keep the guest list way down by saying we're only inviting family and friends that are family (fingers crossed for a head count of only 120!), are not inviting work friends, or even distant cousins. My dad is (understandably, I think?) hurt by this, and feels that I'm putting him in an uncomfortable position. Not that this matters, but my fiancee and I are splitting the cost with my mother, who has insisted on contributing, and my father has not offered to contribute anything to the day. We were budgeting to pay for the wedding ourselves, and never expected anyone to contribute anything, but now that my mother has jumped in, she feels my dad should contribute as well. I feel like it would be different if my dad were contributing, as I feel he would have more of a say. At this point, my father is being invited to my wedding as a guest, simply because he's my father.
My question is - am I way off base not inviting my father's wife?
Thanks in advance!
