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Expert June 2015

Interracial Brides/Couples

BlessedandFavored, on June 2, 2015 at 7:17 PM Posted in Married Life 0 122

How do you all handle the stares and whispers of your fiancé? I am black and my fiancé is white and we live in Tennessee. He has it more rough than I do, he gets backlash from everyone. But it's like the same people are too cowardly to say the same thing to me that was said to him. They (coworkers, and distant relatives) call him a N lover, and that we are going to have tar babies. It's really hurtful and dumb. I know they're only words but they still do linger. And my 2 sons from previous relationships love and adore him. And they endure it as well. How do other couples and parents handle these types of things?

122 Comments

Latest activity by Cheryl&rock, on June 19, 2018 at 3:30 PM
  • Vanessa
    Expert October 2016
    Vanessa ·
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    I'm really sorry that you have to go through that. My fiance is black but I've never had to deal with stuff like that or at least not to my face. I live in Southern Cali so I don't think it's a big deal here as it is in other parts of the US. It's easy for people to say "brush it off" etc. but I know sometimes that just doesn't help.

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  • GeekyBride
    VIP September 2015
    GeekyBride ·
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    I'm so sorry. It's embarrassing that in 2015 there are still such close minded people.

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  • FinallyMrsT
    Master October 2015
    FinallyMrsT ·
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    Wow -- I am so sorry that you have to endure that! I honestly feel such rage boiling inside when I read about this. I've only ever lived in super liberal areas (the Bay Area and NYC), so I never experienced this, even when I was dating darker guys (I'm half Asian half white). But my daughter is a quarter Nigerian and very aware of how her skin is different from other people's, including mine. I've been thinking a lot about how to start talking to her more about race, and I have no idea how I would tolerate living surrounded by that kind of bigotry. I honestly don't think I would. Are you not tempted at all to move the hell away from there?! You cannot fix the twisted thinking of the people around you, and hearing those things and receiving those stares undoubtedly wears on a person's soul, no matter how "well" they may seem to take it. Sorry that I don't have anything helpful to share!

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  • Adoretamm
    Master May 2016
    Adoretamm ·
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    I'm in an interracial couple, I'm black and FH is white. I still get stares but we don't really care. He hardly notices. I've had black men ask me why I like white boys and they say I should date in my race but I ignore them. It's 2015 people need to get over it

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  • B
    Expert June 2015
    BlessedandFavored ·
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    I've ignored it and kept it moving. But people are so ignorant. I've had black males ask me the same but my reply is because its who I love and who loves me. I feel that no matter where we live, it will still exist. But I guess it comes with the territory, right?

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  • Nikki
    Master July 2015
    Nikki ·
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    As you can see from my picture my FH is white and I am black. We don't really get anyone staring or saying anything stupid. Months ago his aunt made a dumbass remark and that entire side of the family was disinvited to the wedding. Now I've been in interracial relationships before and have been called every name in the book even a sell out by other black people. Honestly I let that mess roll right by if they are that stupid in 2015 let them be. Your love is stronger than that. I now its tough trust me I had two black men approach me and tell me that I was a disgrace to the black race for being such a beautiful black woman but dating a white man...the response I gave was less than lady like.

    We live in Colorado now but when we lived in Northern Virginia we never had any issues. Now when we visited North Carolina we have gotten stares from people even an older black woman pulling me aside in IHOP asking if I was with him for the money (she got a few choice words as well). I honestly just think those southern states are just stuck in the past and really their is nothing you can do about ignorant people. Again I know easier said than done but honestly FUCK THEM, you both love each other and that's what matter.

    Sorry for the rant people just piss me off with the amount of ignorance when it comes to interracial couples.

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  • MrsMorales
    VIP September 2015
    MrsMorales ·
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    I've had people say "Oh, you're not going to take his last name, right?" and I'm like uhhhhh ummm why wouldn't I? Then they get all nervous and reply "Its so...ethnic..." as in I'm white and he's hispanic and they're racists. Gotta love AZ.

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  • B
    Expert June 2015
    BlessedandFavored ·
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    Thank you ladies!! I am so glad that I am not the only person whose had to deal with this type of bullshit! Whew!!!

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  • Victoria
    VIP June 2016
    Victoria ·
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    I'm Puerto Rican and my FH is black so we don't typically get it that bad but we did get a lot of looks when we lived in Tallahassee. It usually came from younger people looking at us like why is he with her but honestly you can't take that shit to heart. Like Alicia said, you love him and he loves you and your kids so to hell with that mess. Its a crying shame that people still say shit like that in 2015 but all you can do is raise your babies to rise above ignorance and hate. Best of luck and stay strong Smiley smile

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  • B
    Expert June 2015
    BlessedandFavored ·
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    Thanks Victoria. That's all we can do. People will be assholes but I will and cannot let that affect us or our family.

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  • Lady O.
    Super March 2015
    Lady O. ·
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    I'm not in an interracial relationship but I feel like my first reaction would be to punch those people. Very very hard. In the genitals, so hopefully they can never procreate. All we can do is foster the idea of love and acceptance, especially to the next generation, so hopefully those miserable twats will just die off.

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  • B
    Expert June 2015
    BlessedandFavored ·
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    Exactly!! Like people get over your flipping selves already!!! People don't have to stay in the same race forever!!! It really burns my cookies!! ??????

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  • Butterflyfinder
    VIP October 2015
    Butterflyfinder ·
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    Interracial bride here also. It's unbelievable that this still happens. I've been subject to similar stuff from members of FH family. I politely say to them it's sad that you feel that way. I'm an awesome person that you will never get to know. My future nephew told my FH that if we have babies we will have trash - he was 6 at the time. Smdh. Hugs to you. As long as FH lets it roll off his back don't let other people's ignorance bother you.

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  • B
    Expert June 2015
    BlessedandFavored ·
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    He's slowly growing thick skin. And we all will have beautifully tanned curly hair babies!! So my outlook on them is screw them and their thoughts and feelings! They just wish they were in our shoes.

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  • Lady O.
    Super March 2015
    Lady O. ·
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    I would also add that mixed race people are hands down the most beautiful people on the planet. Please make more of them.

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  • B
    Expert June 2015
    BlessedandFavored ·
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    Yes they are! I plan on having a few of them with my FH as soon as we say I do!!

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  • Lawmom
    VIP June 2015
    Lawmom ·
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    Blessedandfavored are your other children biracial as well? I'm all about being the better person but I'm not sure I could stay in a place if people were actively being nasty to my kid.

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  • FutureMrsSmith
    Super April 2016
    FutureMrsSmith ·
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    This is insane! I can't believe that people still act like that! I'm not in an interracial relationship, but I have many friends who are mixed race, asian, black, white, hispanic, etc. This is 2015, maybe we should send all those people in a time machine back to the decade where they should have stayed! This must be very frustrating for you! I'm so sorry you and your FH have to go through this Smiley sad

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  • B
    Expert June 2015
    BlessedandFavored ·
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    No my sons are black. But if I even heard people giving my kids grief, I will be the most wanted person in America.

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  • B
    Expert June 2015
    BlessedandFavored ·
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    Thanks FutureMrsSmith. People just really need to grow up and get over the fact that other people love outside of their own race.

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