Interracial Brides/Couples

@Shannon, where in China are you living? I lived in Hong Kong for nine months when I first left college. Man, talk about racism lol!! Or just a lack of tact when encountering the unknown? It took three months to get used to people blatantly staring at me 6 inches away from my face.

@BlessedandFavored, I just had 2 (yes 2) experiences of racism last night. After I picked up DH from work, we ran into Costco for diapers, detergent and other items. DH dropped me off at the front door and went to park the car. As I was going into the store, 2 Caucasian women were standing out front. As I walked past, one of them said, "I don't mind if a white man dates a black woman, so long as she's light skin." I didn't turn around because sadly, I'm used to it. I grab a cart and make my way to the diapers. Standing there is an African-American woman. We strike up a conversation about motherhood, and are having a lovely time. DH arrives and I introduce them. Her attitude changed slightly, but I didn't think much of it until her husband (also African-American) shows up. DH extends his hand and he begrudgingly shook DH's hand. We said our good-byes and I heard him say, "All the successful black men, and she goes and gets a blue-eyed devil." She then said, "The only reason she's with him is so her children would be light with good hair." Because we have dealt with this since we started dating, we both acted as though we did not hear them.

When I think about, I'm not sure which one offends me more.

@Kit oh NO!! Rude. I really don't understand people. It's amazing to me that people don't realize that their families and friends have programmed them to dislike something for absolutely no reason.

@Erica and Brian, I know. It just amazes me when I hear uninformed and ignorant people making racial comments based on unfounded information. Even more amazing, as an attorney, when I go to conferences, most of the male African-American attorneys are married to non-African-American women. These same mean do a double take and twist their face when they find out DH is not African-American. Double standard.

And its so wrong, no matter what race or sexuality. Its just wrong. Like I said previously, I don't play about my FH or my kids. So yeah it's time for people to have a reality check in their lives. Races mix, sexes mix, we're all a melting pot. God didn't say not to date or marry outside your race and it sure as hell is not against the law. So all these racist bigots and ignorant fools need to just fall off the face of the earth and leave other people alone and let them be!!!!

I'm sorry you have to deal with this. It's not ok and it shouldn't be happening. My sister's now-husband is Indian (from India), and they definitely got some looks when we were all in upstate NY for my grandfather's funeral. It's really stupid and it shouldn't matter.

@Blessed, it's not against the law anymore.

Exactly @kit and @erica and @kahlcara

@Kit I know and even if it was, I would still be marrying my FH.

Im African and my fiancee is Italian/French/German/Irish. We live in New Orleans and yes people stare at us when we are out in public. No one has ever said anything out loud to us but i notice people staring. Hes never mentioned that he notices this. Our families are very accepting of our ethnic backgrounds. One time i did get an "i cant believe that" look from an older black man after i mentioned i was marrying a white man. Overall the experience has been good for me. Hes the only white guy ive ever dated....and hes the only guy ive ever truly been in love with

I'm glad you have never and hopefully will never have to experience that either @Vita

@OP my jaw dropped when I read your post. I am so sorry that such terrible racist people have been saying these things to your FH, I hope he put them in their place.

@Kit those comments are just terrible. I'm a teacher in Berkeley, CA and work with a very diverse set of students. Last year I worked at Berkeley High school which is a very large school. It really saddened me to witness the residual effects of institutionalized racism (as well as current overt racism) that my African American students lived with everyday. A few of my female students self identified as being "dark skinned" and would talk a lot about the pressure of needing to date someone who wasn't as dark as them (and eventually have kids with someone who was lighter). They felt that even within their own community that they faced discrimination for being darker, and hated that there weren't that many fashion models and movie stars that they could relate to. This way of thinking was established and perpetrated by racist white American long ago and apparently is continued by both whites and African Americans alike.

Growing up in California I witnessed more overt racism on the part of whites towards Mexicans (this was probably because I grew up in a town with approximately 30% latinos, 69% whites, and 1% everyone else). My FH is Mexican American and we haven't really experienced any overt discrimination out in public together. He does, however, experience terrible racist comments when he plays video games online with his friends. They will be speaking in Spanish to each other and there will be random (I'm assuming white Americans) guys that hear them and say things like "go back to Mexico" "Arriba arriba, andele, andele!", "beaner", and "la migra, la migra".

It probably makes it a little easier right now for us since a lot more people are dating and marrying outside of their "race". My niece and nephew are half Laotian, 3 of my cousins are half black, and I have a cousin that is half Chinese. It is interesting to see the change within my family in just one generation.

Thank you @Simple. It is just intolerable to deal with. And it even exist in our own race, too dark, too light, too short or tall. It all needs to just end.

@Blessed I totally agree. I come down pretty hard on kids when they start roasting each other over skin color. I know that I'm white and that I'm the cultural outsider, but as the adult in the room I have protect all students and hold them to a higher standard than their interactions with each other after school. I work with sixth graders now and will always remember how one on my normally confident and "tough" male student's face just fell when another African American student told him that he looked like a tootsie roll. It's totally unacceptable and just perpetrates these feelings of inferiority.

Can someone tell me what color love is? Sheesh.

In a world where everyone is labeled this and that why can't love be just what it is? Just love. SMH.

Right @Simple and that's what the hell I've been wondering all these years @Mrsaj2b

I can't imagine what you're going through...fortunately FH and I haven't had the sort of outwardly racist experiences yall have. Over in Spain we surprisingly get a lot less looks, we kind of just go about our lives. But in the States, and more in NY than anywhere else (surprising, I know) we've gotten people on the street making comments. You gotta have a fuck you attitude for people like that and keep them out of your life.

It's very sad this is still going on, but I am not suprised. Yes, it's 2015 and people need to wake up. But we have the younger generation (e.g., SAE ni**er chant) carrying racist ways into the future. Racism is alive and still being taught. There are still MANY people who have never had someone of a different race in their home for dinner or only hang out with people who are their own race.

I am in an interracial relationship as well. Words do hurt, sting and can have a long-lasting impression on people. Imagine being told that you can't go to grandma's house because your'e black??!! I can not sincerely say to just ignore them. I've received racist remarks and stares as well. I handle it by not giving them the satisfaction of a response. However, we can teach our kids, family and friends. I do speak up when a friend or family member says or does something that is prejudicial. I would not keep a racist friend. Our society is still working towards the days when we are not judged by the color of our skin. Love your man; hold his hand when you are out; keep your head up. Those people saying racist things are not worth your time.

@EricaandBrian we are in Chongqing so it's not quite as modernized as Hong Kong. When we travel to Hong Kong I feel like it's a breath of fresh air because we don't get as many looks and ignorant comments.

Move. Seriously I can't believe it's still like that down there. I live in NJ, no one even thinks twice about it here. I'm sorry you have to go through that. Best of luck to you and your man in the future!

Eta: I just read a bunch of your comments and man! I can't believe this type of stuff really goes on. Yes I'm white and so is FH, so I don't have experience personally but interracial relationships are just so common here that I don't even think twice about it. Maybe it's different coming from family members because well family will have an opinion about anyone you bring home, regardless of race but complete strangers?! That's so bizarre to me.