Intimate wedding, entertainment and ideas

I'm confused about recharging rooms to guests? Do you mean the guests are paying for your venue?

Paying for their room for the night. We went to my cousins wedding a couple of weeks ago and had to pay 2 nights for our hotel room as it was a different town and no way of getting home that night, it's the same thing we will be paying the majority of the costs for the whole stately home, wedding dinner, rehearsal dinner, breakfast for both mornings, all the alcohol and drinks for the 2 nights but our budget cannot cover the all the bedroom costs as well. I went to a similar wedding last year and no one was worried about the cost of the hotel for the night before and the night of the wedding, it's just not exactly a hotel as it's self catering!

Are you self catering your wedding?

I wouldn't charge people to stay at your venue.

No the main wedding dinner will be brought in and served by the venue we will be going all out and fancy on that! But we will prepare the rehearsal dinner and breakfast for both mornings (it will be a buffet type thing). The guests are family and very close friends I am not worried about them not being waited on for the whole 2 days we aren't that kind of family everyone will want to muck in and help!

So again, your guests are paying for your venue? Hmmm. Everyone is cool with that?

Gee, I had no idea people always paid for their guests hotel rooms! Im feeling pretty hard done by as i have always paid for my own hotel room, even when my bedroom was in the same hotel as the wedding and reception.... Maybe because it's not asking your guests to pay for the venue?

As already stated we have actually spoken with the majority of people who will be asking to attend, not one of them has raised it as an issue (or the cost of it) and are looking forward to spending a couple of days with everyone together as a family, which is the most important part of it.

Asking people to pay for their rooms is not asking them to pay for the venue, even if it's a "packaged deal". If it were at a different venue where there were no rooms, the bride and groom wouldn't be paying for everyone's hotel. This is no different.

I forgot to answer the question. It would probably be a good idea to provide some kind of entertainment for a couple of hours in the morning, although I have no suggestions on what. Or maybe just mention a few things to do in and around your venue and let guests choose?

You should always make sure you can afford your wedding regardless of what anyone else does. Unless you can afford this venue 100% even if not even one guest stays there, you should find another place. Otherwise, if one of your guests gets engaged or pregnant and another one needs to replace their car, you could find yourself unable to pay for a wedding you are contractually obligated to have.

To clarify, I never said the guests were obligated to stay there, I was just saying it wasn't rude to ask them to pay for the room if they do. The guests don't have to stay there, and yes, the OP needs to be aware that she may have some empty rooms to pay for. But it's not rude to ask them to pay for the rooms if they use them.

I, personally, wouldn't have a problem with being asked to pay for a room I was staying in so I don't consider it rude to ask guest to pay for their bedroom and the ones we have asked have not found it rude at all either. We aren't that sensitive and would rather ask than worry about being too tight on the budget and not having the wedding we would love for the sake of having a realistic conversation with those we are the most close too, would you all really rather see your siblings and children not have the wedding of their dreams because they didn't ask you if you would pay for your own bedroom? Seriously?

You don't have to say yes and your not obligated too at all but if you can't have these open conversations with the ones you love the most who can you have those conversations with?

We are aware that there is a possibility that not everyone will be able to make it on the day as it is a kind of desitination wedding and that we may have to pay for empty rooms and if that is the case then so be it we would have to cross that bridge if we come to it.

Thank you to those of you who have been positive and kind in your responses.

The issue is that you're requiring these guests to stay there, not giving them a choice. How much are they being charged for both days? It sounds like you're really trying to have a beautiful, elegant wedding with your closest family and friends, but we are just pointing out something that could upset your guests. I personally don't anticipate going to weddings where I need to spend more than $100-200 and that's for gifts. If I had to stay in a hotel even I wouldn't go. FH and I don't have the money to waste. We did go to a wedding that was 1 1/2 hour away and we drove there and left around 10 to drive back so that we didn't have to pay to stay in the room. Some people can't afford it. We don't drink so we were fine driving back, most people need to stay because it's not safe driving home, but requiring a specific place isn't considerate.

Please, please be careful. Paying for your wedding shouldn't be "bridge you cross when you come to it". That's really, really dangerous. Of course, if you have the money to hand but it's just more than you ideally wanted to spend, it's totally up to you to decide whether or not to take the chance. But if it could actually hurt your financial safety, you might want to rethink.

When I first joined here, there was a bride who was havng a DW in the Caribbean and inviting 50 people. If a certain number came, her wedding would be free. Everyone told her not to count on it, but she was insistent that her friends, parents, siblings and FILs had PROMISED. And she knew them and we didn't and her family was so close and all of it. In the end, the only people who went were her, her FH and their two kids. All 46 other people either chose to decline or were forced to by other circumstances. It's a thing that happens, no matter how much people love you. It's best to plan ahead for the possibilities.

No one is obligated to stay or even come to the wedding! Just because you are invited doesn't mean you have to go to it.

It's the main reason we are asking up front in planning stages, if too many people say no and we can't take up that cost in the contingency budget it's back to square one with the planning and looking for a venue.

The venue is literally in the middle of nowhere other options for people to stay are few and far between and pricier than we would be charging for people to stay and get merry (on us) for many of the guests it isn't practical to get home either we thought this would be a great option and our family and friends agree. As I said previously we would rather ask our families and friends what their opinions are up front, they are an honest bunch and if they didn't want to pay or go then they would say so.

So ask them and not us if you don't like what we're saying. They may, like Del said, tell you yes great idea now and when it's time to rsvp tell you something came up. It's a lot of money to expect people to spend for your day.

I didn't ask that as a question, my question was about entertainment for guests and I included that bit to highlight that it's a small budget and people would have been there 2 nights and are paying!