Intimate Wedding or all out

I think you should work together to find a happy medium. Maybe you can agree to 100 guests and find a middle ground?

View Quoted Comment I could see if that works, maybe putting a number on it would be more helpful! Thanks

You compromise and have more than you want, but less than he wants. There's definitely a lot of options in between "elope" and "50,000 dollar wedding." Look into alternative weddings, budget options, medium sized weddings with 75ish people, etc.

View Quoted Comment I like the alternative wedding idea since I’m not too much of a traditionalist. Thank you for your suggestions! I will look into these

Similar situation - I wanted to elope and FH wanted a large wedding. We compromised and are having a 65-person wedding, including family and close friends only.

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Ok, I've been recommending this book to a ton of people lately - A Practical Wedding . I bought it for my sister when she got engaged, then she gave it to me when I got engaged, and I plan to continue passing it around whenever someone we know gets engaged lol. It reallyyyy helped with getting out "vision" organized, there's a questionnaire/activity to do together with your fiance to determine exactly what you both want in a wedding, and what that could look like. It also talks a lot about alternative weddings....backyard weddings, hosted in restaurants, parks, train stations, and other alternative venues. cutting out things that don't really matter to either of you to focus on the things that DO matter, etc.

Also just to reassure you on the price aspect (because I did freak out about price as well - we're in NYC, I suggested getting married in central park and going to a bar afterwards, he is Italian-American and wants the big traditional wedding) - we are in a super HCOL area. We are having a wedding for 100 people. And our budget is still 25,000 - half of your hypothetical budget you're worried about - and that's with many traditional elements (1000 dollar dress - lovely photographer for 7 hours - DJ all night - professional hair and makeup, etc). If we realllyyyy wanted to budget we could push that number down even further. You can do it!

My advice would be to find a middle ground. Like a previous poster mentioned, there is a lot of options between eloping and spending $50,000. I would recommend inviting family and close friends only. There is no need to invite people you no longer talk to, aren't close to, or coworkers. Just because you were invited to someone's wedding five years ago doesn't mean they need to be on your guest list unless you are still close to them. I would sit down with your fiance and figure out a compromise because marriage is all about compromising.

View Quoted Comment Thank you, I definitely agree! We have been together for 8 years so we are really good at comprising, but I’m not sure why he’s so passionate about having to invite everyone. I think he just doesn’t want to upset people...but weddings are expensive and people will understand!

View Quoted Comment Thank you so much! I will have to get that book! We haven’t looked at how much things are going to cost yet....I think he will freak when he sees the cost of everything. Maybe that will help him decrease our list hahah

View Quoted Comment That sounds perfect! I’m glad you guys were able to compromise to find out what best works for you both

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You're welcome! One other piece of advice I have is to do preliminary research on how much it would cost to have a wedding at the venues you'd consider and show him how much it will cost per person. This might quickly change his tune.

Why do u think it’ll cost $50k? I live in overpriced NJ and my wedding is at $18k all in.

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Yes, most definitely!

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Because the way things are looking, he wants to invite about 200 people for just him. With the cost of everything else (food, photos, etc etc) I just feel like it's going to be uber expensive. I hope that it's not that much but they say the average wedding is about $30,000 and that just terrifies me! Him and I both have school and house debt and it just eats me alive to think that I could just blow that type of money in one day haha. Weddings are expensive!