Invite etiquette

Yes it’s wrong to include people on a STD and not on the invitation. This is why it’s important to figure out how many people you can afford before sending STDs out. Its already done so I’d just see how they rsvp and go from there. Also, I get the frustration about only half showing up, but no shows are pretty common at weddings so I think the possibility of that still exists with your other guests even if you don’t include these cousins’ children.

Anyone above 18 should receive an invitation whether they live at home or not so it could raise questions that maybe they just didn’t get it. I’d prepare for a lot of questions and potential drama because whether or not they usually come to things, feelings really get hurt when it comes to weddings. What’s done is done though and honestly, if there’s drama from it it’ll just be a blip on your radar in the long run.

You absolutely should have clarified this with the parents first. Dropping the children from the invite might make the family think that you are mad the children or something. The only potential way to fix this is to go offer your apologies and reinvite the children. This seems like the type of thing that people will remember so be prepared for a lot of backlash.

Psh, only you know if your family will be ticked. I don't think people pay as much attention as you may think about the technical etiquette things, and if they do, I bet they are *super fun* at parties. :p

If you didn't invite them due to space, and you were consistent (all cousin's kids excluded VS just them) then just say that if it comes up. You're in the home stretch!

Thankyou! That’s more of the answer I was looking for lol! Even some of my family agree with me. I just can’t risk people being flakey. It’s my money!!

Are there other "kids" (not 21) invited? If not, say that originally you thought you were able to host children, but now aren't.

It will look bad if other older children/teens are attending. But hey, I've been known to upset a family member or two.

There are only children in wedding party invited. And two close cousins kids who are already 13/14. They are not distant like these other two families

You sent the STDs to all you must send invite to all you sent STDs to

I doubt a huge deal will be made of it, but I'd guarantee the STD is probably still on the fridge, they'll probably be a little confused, possibly upset. My advice is that it's not too late to send out an invite for the 18+ kids. That way, they think you were just saving postage by sending one STD, also the older kids can rsvp for themselves so you have an accurate number, and they can assume when you said "Mr and Mrs and Family" you meant them and the older kids? Idk... This would not be ideal at all, still rude to the 15 year old, but they're old enough to not need a babysitter and if these aren't super close relatives you might get away with it fine. It sounds like its a little too late for proper communication...if it's really just you're worried about an accurate rsvp, call and tell them the invites went out wrong, as how many are def going and communicate to them specifically that you need an accurate number. I think you're too late to worry about budget for the extra 6 kids, you already invited them on the STD. If I were them, and got the std and invite saying something different, you'd be getting a text about now asking which is correct, so I'd look out for that. If I was a rude, older family member, I could see someone ignoring the 2 seats reserved and bringing the kids anyways.

I will say it now and i will always say it again, etiquette is old and outdated. You are fine!! I honestly see no issue, and if those cousins come back and ask why the kids arent invited that gives you the time to clarify its only for mr and mrs.
I am in the same boat, we have people on our list that i could aee rsvping for everyone invited but then only 3 show up. I hate that! We are trying to prevent that at all costs. On invites we will be putting __ out of __ guests attending. Just so they know how many guests are invited.
I think you are totally fine lol its your day, if you cant afford the kids...then you cant afford the kids. Nothing wrong with that.!

Yes thankyou! I was thinking people don’t remember the addressing on the STDs anyway. I can’t afford flakiness, especially for the ones infamous to do it! It is what it is. I feel bad but also at the same time, cannot afford the loss or no show. Thanks for your words

View Quoted Comment The STD doesn’t include the kids I only included the kids on the envelope and I put “& family”

View Quoted Comment If they show up they will not have a seat or a plate app that would be on them unfortunately