Invite fiance's daughter's mother?

I think if mom and dad have a good relationship, it would be nice. Nice for the daughter. I think seeing her parents being supportive of each other even if they’re not together would be good for her to experience. I also think that at 7 she’s old enough to understand the correct way to act. Whether mom comes or not dad needs to sit down with her and let her know what behavior is expected and what will not be tolerated.
I’m not in this situation so I’m thinking ideal world in my head, but I hope I maybe helped a little.

It sounds like it’d be good for the daughter.

Hi Ashley, I’m so glad to hear of the peaceful relationship you all grownups have for the sake of your fiancé’s daughter. It is mature, respectful, and kind. Wish all grownups in this situation were like this ❤️ I commend you and all involved.
I agree with Cassidy as well. One of my friends is a stepmom and she too invited bio mom and stepdad to her wedding.
However, if your gut is strongly saying no, I can understand and respect that too. I think bio mom would understand if she didn’t get an invitation and would respect that. Good luck girlie ❤️

It is often easier for a child to be in one camp, or the other, without the underlying tensions they may feel when both are together. In public, this often becomes either attention seeking or hiding behavior ( literally, hiding face and needing constant coaxing to be sociable, or, acting out enough that you know someone will take you home.) I think it would be nice to have a talk with her mom about how pleased you are that daughter is getting a short, manageable time, good for her age, then swept away to secure home and bed. And how nice it would be in a month or two to have a two families/ are one family, casual dinner or joint cookout or picnic. Without 100 grownups watching and talking. This will likely play out in holiday times and for birthdays for years.
You will not hear it, but a certain number of people cannot resist talking about how this marriage will be for the little one, going on to gossip about, well when he was with her mother, blah, blah, blah. That mostly occurs after dinner with a few drinks, and happens much more if the ex and new spouse attend the wedding. There is a not very well hidden nasty streak in a lot of adults ( read social media) who love to dish dirt, and are not mindful of little ears listening, or the stress they bring. I think your plan would be best for most children it that age group.

I think the way you currently have it set up is best. She can spend time with you and FH, be the flower girl, dance with her dad, then go home with mom before she gets bored and/or tired (when acting out will most likely happen). If you want to foster a more meaningful relationship with her mother, you and FH could arrange a dinner with them.

I think this is 100% a decision to make together, but I do think it would be a very beautiful thing for your FH’s daughter to see everyone coming together. The fact that everyone has such a lovely co-parenting relationship is something to be so proud of, and I also think the ex and her husband would be very honored to be included on your special day. Regardless, kudos to you all for being very adult in this situation and clearly putting this child first! The fact that you’re giving this so much thought shows just how much you all care here!

If it were me, I'd invite them. From what you've said, it sounds like they have an amazing relationship and you said he considers them extended family. This is a decision that I feel you should make together, however. I understand that she acts out around her mother, but there is always a chance that any child in any wedding is going to act out. If you're worried about that, I'd say talk to your fiance about it and see how he feels. I personally feel it would be good for everyone involved to have them there, especially since everyone gets along.

I don't recommend you invite her mom and stepdad.

So I am in a similar situation, except that I'm the one with the kid and the ex. I have a good co parenting relationship with my ex and get along very well with his girlfriend/mother of his daughter. My fiance has a great relationship with my son, who is 9 btw, and he gets along great with my sons dad and gf as well. We are inviting them to our wedding, if he wasn't comfortable with it then we wouldnt. I consider them to be part of my family and he has come to as well. Theres no reason why a situation like this shouldn't work, unless someone is comfortable due to past issues or whatever the reason. Not everyone in my family agrees with how I think but oh well its my day. If you are comfortable with them being there then why not invite them?

Under NO circumstance would my husband’s ex wife be invited to my wedding. Even if the relationship is amicable (in my case it’s toxic as hell). It just sets things up to be weird as hell.
SD is at an age where she’s likely to ask questions about “why aren’t mom and dad together?” And it will do nothing good to help you bond.

I think this is almost entirely up to your fiancé (especially since you said the relationships are all amicable and your future step-daughter's mother is nice to you). What does he want?

As far as your biggest fear: "...that kiddo would essentially ignore her father during his wedding day because her mom is there, or potentially even act out."

I don't really think this should be a factor in your (collective) decision making. The kid doesn't need to focus all of her attention on her father on his wedding day. His day won't be ruined if his daughter pays attention to someone else. And, she's a kid, she might act out no matter what; it's important to accept her where/how she is. But since you are already planning that she has to leave after the ceremony, I think there's little chance for any of these fears to materialize.

I think it all comes down to what would be best for the family dynamic. My SD and I don't have a tight bond although we have primary custody of her. The other "parent" is a big pile of crap and has been absentee. Were things different I would consider it. Your blended family seems to have a good dynamic. Your FH and the child's bio-mom should have a sit-down with the daughter and set the standard that your SD needs to behave properly. She's old enough to know better but still test the limits of what she can get away with. If everyone is amicable I don't see why not. The more love, the merrier.

I would never invite my step child’s mother. No matter the age. It creates unnecessary distraction and stress of how she’ll act or what she’ll say- no thx 😂😂