Invite my bio mom?

The person who adopted you is your mom.

Edit: Hit enter too fast lol I don't think you need to invite your biological one, especially since you said you don't trust her.

How would your adoptive mom feel about it?

I think this is completely personal to you. I have no advice.

IMO I would not invite her, if she brings nothing but annoyance I would keep her away from such an important day.

Edited: spelling

My mom (adoptive) is super supportive of me having a relationship with my biomom if that's what I choose. She's all about what I want but she also wants me to have an open mind. When I met her my mom was ok with it, my dad (rip) not so much lol he didn't want somebody to come in and take his "little girl" away

I was adopted at birth. I wouldn't invite her. Sounds like she doesn't respect your relationship with your mother.

I think that says it all. Your mom (adoptive) wants you to be happy and is supporitve, while your biological mom seems to want what's best for her.

Just the way you write about her makes me think you don't want her there.... if you don't want her there, don't invite her

It is up to you, and you can decide in what capacity you extend an invite. I can understand your feelings about it. I was also adopted and my biological mother and I have been in contact since I was 20. She is sweet, but not as mentally healthy and it took time of me explaining that I need to be the one to make the initiative. Check in your mum, let her know you are thinking about it and get her opinion and gage her feelings of inviting her as just a guest. I invited my biological mother and she and my mum had a good happy cry. You may also need to make it clear to your bio mom she is a guest, she doesn't have a role in the wedding. Hope this helps

I am sorry to hear about your dad. If you do not trust her and do not want her making claims about being your mom, I would keep her from the wedding. You have a bit of time, you do not have to send her an invite until next summer, take the time to think about it and do what you feel most comfortable with.

Thank you all! I guess I just needed the extra reassurance.

She's text me a few times asking me if we've set a date and says "hope I can come" I just keep ignoring it

Also, just want to say, you don't owe here anything just cause she "gave you life". Your parents are the one who gave you a great life and raised you. They are the ones you owe something to IMO.

LB that's how I feel too! My mom is just trying to be nice

I don't feel that the simple fact of her giving you life compels you to invite her in the least. Do what makes you comfortable.

LeAhna, my parents were always supportive of me meeting my biological parents if I wanted to, I just really never had the desire. Maybe sit down with your mom and explain that although you know she's trying to be nice and inclusive, this is why you feel that you don't want to invite your biological mother. She sounds very supportive so I'm sure she'll understand where you are coming from. Best wishes and here to talk if you need it

I can't speak from experience but if I were in your shoes, if I haven't developed a real relationship with her, I wouldn't invite her. You want to be surrounded by loved ones, and while it's a nice gesture to invite her, I say trust your gut. You still have a bit before having to send out the invitations; maybe somehow she'll turn around and be more open with you so that you can trust her?

It sounds like you barely have a relationship with your biomom and don't particularly want one. There is no problem with that. You shouldn't feel the need to invite people to your wedding that you are not close to and don't even want to be close to.

My SIL was adopted as a baby and knows/ has a relationship with her bio mom. They're not super close but they will hangout every now and then. SIL didn't invite her to her wedding. She didn't (and still doesn't) owe her anything just because she birthed her. SIL parents are the ones who dried the tears and read the bedtime stories. Same with your parents. I don't think you need to invite your bio mom just because she gave birth to you.

I was adopted too. I invited my bio mom, only for my little sister. We are 13 years apart. I didn't trust her at all. She told some of the craziest stories and I didn't want to be embarrassed. Fortunately she lived in another state and couldn't make it. I was looking forward to having my little sister there, though. I say stay away from crazy and especially if you don't trust her. She may have given birth to you, but she's not your mom. My mom and dad were there always. Many things have happened since then and we don't speak at all. I am so glad she didn't make it. Who knows what kind of damage she could have done!

If you don't want her there, definitely don't invite her.

What kind of relationship do you have with her though? Do you see her often enough that she will ask you about your wedding in person? I know no one should assume they are invited until they get an invitation in the mail, but will she be upset/ will this end the relationship? I really have no opinion, I'm just asking these questions to get a better understanding. I completely understand why you wouldn't want her there, and at the end of the day it is you and your FS' day.