Invite my bio mom?

If you don't trust her, don't have her there.

Meg- I barely ever see her, she lives in another state about 5 hours from me. She texts me more than we actually see each other and she has a son that probably wants a relationship with me but I know that would involve her until he gets older. She'll probably be really upset if she's not invited I just don't want the drama if she starts saying stuff that's not appropriate as far as our relationship

So my mom adopted me as well. I don't have a dad, my mom never remarried. My bio dad isn't in the picture, he wasn't stable when my birth mom passed away. I thought about inviting him but I don't trust him. He's reached out to me via Facebook. We've chatted via Facebook, a message here and there but finally we stopped talking. This was after he asked for my social security number so I could be a "beneficiary" if he were to pass away. I'm not naive and dumb so of course I didn't give it to him. This kinda thought he shouldn't be trusted so no, I'm not inviting him.

It's a very personal choice. It's up to you. If you don't want her there, trust your gut.

You still have a lot of time before invites go out. I would wait it out and decide when you send them if the relationship is better then or not.

@Forever - Just some random thoughts. Your younger brother - is he old enough to have is own phone? If so, why not develop that relationship between the 2 of you via text, photos, calls?

Even though you currently don't trust bio-mom (you wrote that 2X), because you asked here, and you have the younger brother, and you have some time, and your mum is supportive, perhaps bump up your communications with her between now and when you send invites next summer? Then you'll have more insight as to whether BM should be invited.

No need to send her an STD (if you send to other guests). They are not required. And if you DO invite her, unless you've grown much closer, let her know in advance that she's invited as a guest. It would be a nice gesture if she were given a corsage, mebbe to match the grandmothers, but again, not necessary. I don't think I'd give her one on the same level as your mum's. Unless that's OK with your mum.

Best of luck to you! Sorry to read about your dad. Will you have your mum escort you up the aisle?

@Ashley - My aunt & uncle asked for my SSN when preparing their wills, as they listed me as secondary beneficiary. And our financial planner wanted our daughter's SSN when we opened some investment accounts, as she is listed as beneficiary. Its to make sure the correct person is paid when the account owner passes. Having said that, I completely trusted my relations, as our daughter trusts us.

A few FB messages does NOT make a relationship, so my personal opinion only, is that you were correct in not providing your SSN. As an alternative, you might ask for the bank's, lawyer's, investment counselor's, etc, contact information. And then call the person preparing the documents to confirm the accuracy and legitimacy of any beneficiary paperwork. You could provide your date and place of birth, address, etc, for forms of ID, but still, I'd be very, very cautious about giving up that SSN.

I vote no. It sounds like you don't really want her there

I wouldn't invite her. Extra unnecessary stress. If she really loves you she will get over it eventually.