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Devoted August 2022

Invite some extended family, but not all?

Bride2Be, on August 31, 2021 at 12:37 PM

Posted in Family and Relationships 26

Our max is 200 and our list has hit 217 so I have to make some cuts. There is a lot of extended family from my moms side that my aunt thinks we need to include. We have a large family tree and they are very traditional with the whole “you must invite the WHOLE family”. My mom passed away back in...
Our max is 200 and our list has hit 217 so I have to make some cuts. There is a lot of extended family from my moms side that my aunt thinks we need to include. We have a large family tree and they are very traditional with the whole “you must invite the WHOLE family”. My mom passed away back in 2012 and my aunt has really stepped in and taken on some of her role with the whole wedding planning and reaching out to me and helping pay for parts of the wedding. It’s a true blessing and we are SO grateful! But I need to make some cuts! Is it bad to only invite some of our extended family who were around when I was a kid? Some of their aunts and uncles were not really around me as a kid and I don’t really know them and definitely am not close to them.


One family didn’t invite me to their kids wedding, and I am definitely not mad about that (I wouldn’t have gone anyways) and my aunt thinks that was crazy we didn’t get invited but I’m not at all close with them so I wasn’t surprised! These are some people I would cut from the list but they have soooooo many brothers and sisters and only some of them I actually know. And by “know” I mean I saw them around when I was a kid, but I’ve grown up since then and they have not been any part of my life. I have no Ill will toward this and I’m the type of person who would be happy to see any family member I’m related to, but I really don’t see the need to invite them.
Is it faux pas to invite only some of my extended family and not all? What would y’all do?
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26 Comments

  • Maddie
    Expert February 2022
    Maddie ·
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    OMG only 138 out of 265 ! I hope I'm as lucky xD that sounds like a dream

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  • Jessyca
    Dedicated September 2021
    Jessyca ·
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    It was amazing LOL! But TBH about 70 people were out of state/country people that we knew were not going to come, but had to send invites because they are extended family. My future FIL says it best (in his heavy Russian accent) "It is our job to offer, it is their job to say no".

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  • B
    Devoted August 2022
    Bride2Be ·
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    Not gonna lie, I just said that in my best heavy Russian accent in my head 🤣🤣 but very true!
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  • Michelle
    Rockstar December 2022
    Michelle ·
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    You answered your own question with saying you don’t care if they attend. Toss out all obligation because that’s not on the table. This is not about what “should” you do according to imaginary people who don’t exist or matter and it is about what you and fiancé want and won’t have regrets with. Who do you want in attendance? If you could only invite a certain number of people, who would you pick that you would not regret choosing? Who do you have an amazing relationship with, including best friends? Anyone you are not super close to doesn’t get an invitation. Dad and aunt and whoever else can have a family reunion picnic at another time. Your wedding is not the time and place for that if you have no relationship with those people and are only inviting them to make dad happy (who already got married and has no say).
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  • T
    Just Said Yes January 2022
    twirlgurl5000 ·
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    Personally, I'm not inviting most of my extended family. I'm inviting my Mom's brother and none of his children, and my Dad's brother&family: one uncle was my grandfather, the other uncle and cousins I saw the most often growing up. Most of my cousins were years older than me and while we saw each other sometimes growing up, they were not super involved. They lived across the country and I saw most of them only once every few years, and certainly haven't talked to them as an adult.

    If you weren't offended by not being invited to their kid's wedding, I can't imagine they would be offended if you didn't invite them. Or, put them on a waitlist and if you get enough "No" RSVPs, then invite them if you have space in your headcount

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  • Lauren
    Dedicated September 2022
    Lauren ·
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    I made the cut off at first cousins. My parents siblings and their children. No one is getting a date unless they are married or engaged. No kids. It won’t be popular with everyone but 🤷🏼‍♀️
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