Inviting Family Just Because They're Family - Do i Have to Do It

No. Do what you want to do .

I always say you don't have to send them if you don't want to! I'm not inviting ANY of my step dad's side of the family because, frankly, I'm not close to any of them and don't care about damaging a relationship with them because we haven't talked in years which makes it pretty clear that we mutually don't want to have a close relationship.

We're cordial when we're around each other of course, but I am not close enough to any of them to invite them.

No. No obligation invites. IMO, if your parents want a family reunion, they can plan one.

View Quoted Comment Yeah I always have said that I don't want my wedding to become a family reunion.

You have to put your foot down and invite whoever you want. I made this deal with my fiance that if he hadn't heard from them in over a year we weren't inviting them. Also, I have a large family and they are overseas so I couldn't invite so many, only immediate family. His side are in US and also rather large and doing just immediate family and very close friends we have about 100! So I can fully understand that opening cousins can of worms and if they have kids too it adds up so fast. Just state it's a very small wedding and the venue can only hold so many.

I had to learn this the hard way too. It was mostly my grandma who is also my best friend who kept saying "ahhhh mija don't forget about your tio or don't forget about my cousin" I finally said "grandma, we only payed for a certain amount of people and I want the people there that has watched Mark and I's relationship prosper, people who have positively been an asset to our lives. I don't need anyone there that I haven't seen since I was 10" We both laughed and called it a day. She is just proud of her granddaughter and wants everyone to see me on my big day.

I am sure they mean well. You just have to tell them there are boundaries and you want your wedding how YOU want your wedding.

No. I ran into the same issues. You do not have to invite anyone you don't want there.

I'm kind of in the same situation, a lot of my cousins and I are not close anymore and we haven't been in a long time. I want to invite them all but, when my sister got married most of them didn't show up and we were all close then. I don't want the same thing to happen to me. What I decided to do is put the invite on social media just to let them know because, I do talk to most of them on there, I'll give them a little time to make plans to be there then request a definite yes or no so I won't look for them then be disappointed when they don't show up to support and celebrate like when it happened with my sister. It' s your choice!

Whew I feel this on so many levels. My guest list number is larger at 150 but each person is hand selected. I want my wedding to be filled with people who know me and FH. My grandmother just did a, "your cousin wants to come..." and I was like who?? She responded, "you can meet her at the wedding," and I don't care for that at all lol Why if you've never been a part of my life would my wedding, that I'm paying for be time for a family reunion? Clearly you can tell from my rant I understand you lol Keep your head up!

Cousins or not if you have not talked to them in a while (years or more) dont do it. It is your weddding, have the kind you want!

It's YOUR wedding, so you have final say on who makes the guest list. However, if your parents are the ones paying for the wedding they do have a say.

I'm doing the same thing--aunts & uncles, but no cousins. Explain to your parents that you're trying to keep things small, uncomplicated and even inexpensive. They can relay that to the rest of the relatives and keep the drama to a minimum. It makes complete sense that you wouldn't be invited to the small, intimate wedding of a cousin you never see, wasn't invited to your wedding and is marrying someone you've never met.

I just went through this with my FH. I’m close to my cousins so we will be inviting them and their kids. His family was a whole different story. We’ve been together nearly 8 years and I haven’t met anyone outside of his immediate family. He thought we “had to invite them” so it didn’t hurt their feelings even though he thought none would come. Never invite guests on the assumption they won’t come! They will surprise you. Lol. We compromised and didn’t invite any of his family who we thought wouldn’t come or he’s not seen in 5+ years (or spoken to). Since I’ve invited much more family I’ve invited fewer friends to keep the guest list down. We’ve invited everyone we want there, family or not family and we’ve not invited anyone who we haven’t kept in contact with or think wouldn’t show (except for maybe one aunt who might or might not be able to travel for it).

This was one of my biggest problems. There's a lot of people on the list that either we just don't know who aren't close to us at all. So we decided to do a really small intimate wedding with only like 20 people. And then the next day we're having our reception and that's where all the family will be invited to. I did this to appease both my "I want a small wedding" and his "I want a huge wedding" We compromised that way. If it makes you feel better I straight up asked my dad what he thought and he said "It's your day Nise, do what you want, you don't HAVE to do anything" I'm not even inviting my own brother (Long story)

I am also having a small wedding, 60 people. Don't invite people who you don't know. MY FSIL is getting married this month, and she even says her and her fiancé wish they were doing an intimate wedding like us instead of having people they don't even know there. My rule of thumb is if they are going to be a part of your future together, send them an invite - if not, so what. The people who are asking you to invite them should offer some money if they want them to come so bad. Personally, my parents aren't invited (we don't speak) but I am close with a lot of extended family who are invited. But these are people I talk to and have relationships with. You are not obligated to invite people you don't want or even know.

You don't have to invite them if you dont want to like you said yall not close and you want small and intimate they will get over it

We decided not to invite cousins, except my two who we lived with growing up and are more like siblings. Our reasoning was main because we wanted to keep the guest list small- it would add more than 35 to invite all of our cousins and their families, but also we aren’t close to them. I haven’t been invited to my cousins weddings and we follow each other on social media and say happy birthday but that’s really it. I don’t think you should feel obligated to extend an invite to anyone regardless.

I had to have this talk with my mother as well. She wanted to invite every family member she could think of. I know she is just really excited because I am her only daughter but I just reminded her of the costs and that my budget wouldn't allow it. I only invited my close family that I see often. For me I do not care if the other family members who aren't invited are mad because I haven't spoke to them in years. Its my wedding and I will make it the day that I want.

I am in the same situation, anxiety/introversion and all, but my parents are paying for my wedding. We didn't even want one but i got guilted into it and I only agreed because my mom PROMISED it would be "small." Well, 100 people later and a bunch of blowout fights and we have gotten nowhere. I feel stuck! I've called it off like 3 times, but she keeps moving full steam ahead. She doesn't understand my feelings b/c she is the opposite of me, miss social butterfly, and is like ohhhh but they're fammmillyyyy. Ugh! Poor FH is only inviting like 15 people, maybe 4 will come, everyone else is from my side.