Inviting people to the ceremony but not reception

Hi I think it is perfectly fine in the age of covid to invite people to showers only and invite them to live stream the wedding due to keeping numbers down. I disagree that a reception is to thank people for coming to the wedding. Its an honor to be invited into one of the most sacred days in a couples life you don't need to be compensated for that. People who are going to give a gift will give a gift whether they come to the entire wedding, ceremony only, reception only, shower, or video stream. Those that won't wont and those that will be offended, well that couple probably doesn't need at their wedding any.....

Covid is not an excuse to be rude. Etiquette exists to navigate social situations to avoid being awkward or rude, as long as people continue to interact with each other. A pandemic does not cancel that out because some people find it inconvenient.

Whew, this is a tough one. I knew someone, prior to covid, who want a "big shower, small wedding." Um, that isn't how it works and she finally came around but not without a lot of dramatics. I truly think she didn't know ettiquette, and it sounds like this bride doesn't either. It sounds tough but I think you need to have a heart to heart with the bride about the ettiquette involved and help her understand WHY we don't invite people to extra gift giving events when they aren't invited to the most important event. I couldn't be part of hosting that shower.

I agree with you and a lot of prior posters as well. I'm glad you're standing your ground! Your house, your rules. And you shouldn't be forced to do something that you feel super uncomfortable with (I would feel ridiculously uncomfortable too!). If the bride and other MOH want to continue to plan the shower with the original guest list at a different venue, that's up to them. And you can cross that bridge (about how/if you'll host/participate) when you get to it! Again, I'm glad you're standing up for yourself because you wouldn't want people to think that you're gung-ho about hosting people at a shower when you know (and they likely don't) that they won't be invited to the entire wedding. Please let us know what ends up happening. Good luck!

Did they already send out save the dates and are now uninviting people?? Since it's in September I would assume they already sent out save the dates at least... I agree with everyone else that it is completely rude and poor etiquette. I would definitely cancel the shower with apologies that the couple is needing to change their plans. Then wait and see who is still invited after they send out their "un-invitations" before re-planning a shower. You can just tell the bride that you'll wait to plan the pre wedding activities once the new wedding plan is in place. It's not your responsibility to inform her guests of the change of plans to the wedding. If she still insists on inviting people not invited to the wedding you should bow out as a hostess. You could still offer to help or support as a friend just not as the hostess. If she is going through with it, I would also suggest including something along the lines of "your presence is present enough, no gifts please" since she knows she won't be hosting everyone at her wedding.

Same here.

As MOH you could try to have a conversation with your friend about wedding etiquette and enlighten her. But either way don't let yourself be put in a situation where you are supporting this behavior.

That is SUCH good news. What a relief that must be for you!

Excellent!! I hope things calm down for her a bit, and I'm glad y'all collectively avoided offending a bunch of people. Thank you for updating us!

The only time someone can attend a shower without being invited to the wedding is when coworkers or fellow church members/book club members, etc host a shower. They know they are not invited but they still want to share the bride’s happiness. That is a completely different thing than inviting people to a shower that will not be invited to the wedding because the couple wants more gifts.

As long as people interact with each other, etiquette will continue to exist and be valid. And etiquette says that only those invited to the wedding (ceremony and reception are one event, not separate) are invited to the shower. People can say until they are blue in the face :”etiquette is outdated “ but that doesn’t make it so. It’s an excuse to do what you want without regard for anyone else.

If you wish to get together with those not invited to the wedding, you have a separate non wedding related event at another time.