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Jada
Savvy July 2022

Inviting some guest to the resort but not ceremony.

Jada, on October 27, 2021 at 1:47 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 1 30
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Hi all! Question, my fiancé wants to invite some people who aren’t invited to our ceremony to still come have fun with us at the actual resort (more family and friends) We are only inviting 28 people to our ceremony and reception. The only friend we are inviting is my best friend and his best friend, the rest are close family members. But because it’s all family, he wants to make it like a wedding/family vacation by inviting more people to just the resort to be amongst the festivities outside of the wedding, which I’m totally cool with but is that tacky? I want people to still feel good that we’re inviting them on the trip cause honestly we’re picky about who we have around us during our wedding trip so it still means a lot to us that we even want some to come even though it’s just to have fun with us at the resort. But I don’t know if people would take it that way. HELP! Lol I’d rather not do that if it will offend people . The point of us doing that would be for the opposite. There’s even some friends of mine that I can’t invite to ceremony but I still want them to be there. Is it best to not invite them at all?? Ugh, this is tew much 😩🤦🏾‍♀️

30 Comments

Latest activity by Elycia, on October 27, 2021 at 5:19 PM
  • H
    Master July 2019
    Hannah ·
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    Personally, I feel like it's rude to invite people to a wedding that they aren't actually invited to. If they aren't actually invited to the wedding festivities, I wouldn't invite them to "just hang out" at the resort.
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  • Jacks
    Rockstar November 2054
    Jacks ·
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    I feel like it's rude.

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  • W
    VIP September 2020
    Willow ·
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    Super tacky, rude, gift grabby, and an imposition. I know you mean well, but please don't so this


    It's saying, "We can't be bothered to invite you to the real thing or pay for you, but travel to the place of our choosing, wait around, and celebrate us when we have time for you."
    If you want to celebrate your marriage with these extra people, do so when you're back home and it's convenient to them
    • Reply
  • W
    VIP September 2020
    Willow ·
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    I'd offer them a livestream option since this is a small destination wedding. It's not an honor to be "invited" to travel to a resort that is open to any paying customer anyway.
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  • Chloe
    Devoted February 2022
    Chloe ·
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    If I were one of those friends, I would decline such an invitation. If you want to celebrate with your friends, then you should throw an informal party after you get back home. Otherwise you're asking them to come celebrate an event they are not allowed to attend.
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  • M
    VIP August 2021
    Michelle ·
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    I think you both need to be on the same page with your guest list-- you're either picky like you say, or it's a family reunion instead of a wedding. Define your boundaries. Then if you need to redesign your wedding at a different location, do so with full invitations and meals. It will now be intentional rather than your loved ones as an afterthought.
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  • Natalie
    Super November 2020
    Natalie ·
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    Incredibly tacky! You would be inviting them to travel to a vacation that is solely your choice of date, location, and price point while intentionally excluding them from your wedding events. While typically vacationing with others is fun, this feels like saying “Please pay to travel with us to get an in-person view of what you are being excluded from!” My feelings would be hurt by this sort of thing, even if well-intended.
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  • Cece
    Rockstar October 2023
    Cece ·
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    Yes, this is in poor taste. I know your intentions are good, but please do not do this! While you are looking at it as including friends and family in fun, it actually comes off as you “inviting” others to spend a lot of time and money traveling in order to celebrate you… while you exclude them from the main event. This is basically signifying that they weren’t important enough to “make the cut” for your wedding or for you to pay for their meals and drinks at the reception (your way of thanking your guests for taking the time out to attend). If you want to celebrate with these “extra” people, either invite them to all the events for your wedding, or host a celebration when you return.
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  • T
    Expert May 2010
    Theresa ·
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    It's best not to invite them at all. If you want them there, include them in the wedding festivities. Otherwise, no.

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  • Stacey
    Super May 2021
    Stacey ·
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    It's really hurtful. That's a lot of money to ask people to spend, and then they aren't even invited to the main event? Nope. If he wants a trip with friends, plan a separate vacation.

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  • C
    Super July 2020
    Cool ·
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    This is not be appropriate. You aren’t really be inviting them to anything, just asking them to go on vacation at the same time and location as you. If he wants to go on a trip with his friends, he can plan that at a later time.
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  • Jada
    Savvy July 2022
    Jada ·
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    Why would I ask for gifts at a destination wedding? Nothing in what wrote said anything about gifts.. but great lol
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  • Susan
    Devoted October 2021
    Susan ·
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    No, I don't think this is a good idea. I'd be totally offended if I received this type of invitation.

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  • Jada
    Savvy July 2022
    Jada ·
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    I see what you mean, I guest the only difference would be coming with us you can experience it for around $200/night vs the normal rate of 700-1000/night coming regularly. But maybe people won’t look at it that way lol
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  • Cece
    Rockstar October 2023
    Cece ·
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    I guess my question is, if you are “picky about who you have around you during your wedding trip”… why aren’t these people just invited to the ceremony and reception also? If you are being picky about who you would invite, that would signify that these are people who are important enough to you to invite to the ceremony and reception. I guess I am confused as to why you wouldn’t invite them to the actual wedding?
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  • Jada
    Savvy July 2022
    Jada ·
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    We only have 28 available spots available budget wise. Once we invite our immediate family there is no more spots.
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  • CountryBride
    VIP April 2022
    CountryBride ·
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    Very rude I would be offended if I got an invite just to hang out and not be invited to the evening think of your guests they would have to pay for hotel flight and time off work just to hang out

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  • Cece
    Rockstar October 2023
    Cece ·
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    Gotcha. And that is totally valid. I think if you can only afford to host 28 guests, then you should only invite 28 guests. Inviting certain people to certain events makes it look as though you are ranking their importance to you. I couldn’t imagine friends would be upset that they were not invited on your wedding trip since the only guests you are inviting are family. Or, you could continue to look for a different venue that would provide more affordable options so you could host more people.
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  • C
    Super July 2020
    Cool ·
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    Based on the responses you’re seeing, I don’t think people will take it that way.
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  • needmorewine
    Expert May 2016
    needmorewine ·
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    I would only invite the people you can afford to properly host for the wedding to the entire vacation. Otherwise you're asking for people to spend time and money to travel to the location of your choice at the time your choice for the sole purpose of celebrating your wedding when you aren't inviting them to the wedding itself or hosting them at all, which isn't appropriate.

    People tend to feel more pressure to attend weddings and wedding related events than other events, so they may feel obligated to go on this wedding vacation when it may not be within their budget or is in a location/resort they would not choose to travel to on their own. It's the same with gifts, which are inherently expected for weddings. They may feel obligated to give a gift since this is a trip related to your wedding even though you're not specifically asking for gifts.

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