Inviting Someone in Prison

Katheryn, I'd recommend hiding this as the topic of family members in jail can get a bit heated.

Yeah I definitely wouldn't send an invite.

Wow such great responses everyone. I wanted to add a few more clarifications. He has been in jail for a few years already. He is in Georgia and I am in Illinois so there is no visiting going on. He calls my step dad often though. I havent spoken to him since he has been in jail. We were not close prior to him being in jail. He never lived near me.

The last time I saw him was at my cousins wedding in 2007. But I am not one to shun him because I am not close to him. He would for sure be getting an invite if he wasnt in jail. He just made bad decisions and now is stuck there for a long time. I may just send him a picture after the wedding with maybe my step dad and step sister in it. But even then I still feel like we are rubbing it in his face. Haha you werent there, this is what you missed! Maybe when he calls step dad next I will have him ask SB if he wants pictures or anything.

I agree, don't send an invite. Wait and show him pictures afterwards.

Why? My brother actually landed himself in juvy for a day as a teen for robbing cars. Most were unlocked. When we picked him up, coincidentally, we got locked out of our car. I turned to him and was like "Hey, isn't this your specialty?". My mom almost killed me.

I thought it was funny...

I wouldn't do it. You said you're not that close to him. I don't even know if I would end up sending pictures if it was someone in my family.

Glad to hear that you wouldn't shun your step brother because he has made serious mistakes. I think sending pictures after the fact would be nice.

I wouldn't send it. I agree with the others about just sending a letter and pictures.

My cousin went to jail for something really stupid. We all agree that he shouldn't have done it, but we aren't going to be jerks about it to him. He learned his lesson. He deserved his jail time, but he also deserved the support and love of his family while he was there.

ETA: If I was sending invitations while he was in jail, I would've sent him one, probably along with a letter saying how much I wished he could come.

I wouldn't send an invite- but maybe a letter with pictures from the wedding.

I wouldn't send one because I wouldn't want other inmates knowing when and where my wedding is going to be... I know... I watch too many prison dramas.

No way. Letter and photos afterward

@Jen Good point. I am watching Prison Break right now, that is kinda scary. I am watching Orange is the New Black at the same time. Boy is life different in woman's prisons...

Depends on the relationship. My dad was in jail for a few years and my relationship with him has always been great, he fucked up, did his time and owned up for everything from the beginning. My little sister on the other hand landed herself in juvy a second time and is going to turn 18, no remorse on how she acts and doesn't care about any shit she causes, blames my mom for everything because she can't take responsibility. I don't know how she'll changed in the years or so to come, if at all. If she decides to take responsibility and grow up, I'd love to have her. Otherwise she can stay the hell out, whether she's locked up at that point or not.

He would get an invite and a sweet note, she would not. Given my example maybe it could guide you to what you think you should do. You know your brother way more than any of us. Maybe ask your stepdad to see what he thinks since he talks to him. Good luck!

ETA: OITNB isn't how women's prisons are, it's based off a nonfiction book but everything is dramatized to make it a Netflix dramedy.

If you sent a letter with one picture after the fact I really don't think that is rubbing it in his face. I think that would be a nice gesture.

I think it would be a slap on the face honestly. I understand why your mom might think it'll make him feel included, but in reality it's saying "here's where you could be but instead you're here, so just kidding" I agree with the others to show him pictures after the fact and a wish you could've been there note

I can see where your mom is coming from when she asks you to send your stepbrother an invite to the wedding, but I agree with almost everyone else on here: don't send the invite. I'd maybe send him a letter letting him know you'll be thinking of him at the wedding and missing him, but an invite would be rubbing it in. I do like the idea of sending him some pictures afterwards.

I think it depends on how he would feel about it. My best friend is in prison and he said when things like weddings and graduations are planned and he doesn't get an invite he feels as if the family is forgetting about him. Either way he feels "bad" because if he gets the invite he hates that he is going to miss it, but to him, he feels worse if he doesnt. Can you have someone ask him if he would like one or not?

I wouldn't send an invitation, I think that is kind of like taunting him that he can't be there. I would write to him and let him and keep him in the loop. Maybe you could send him some commissary/put some money on his books for the wedding so he can have a nicer meal that day, and send him pictures afterwards.

I would send him a letter now with some pictures of how you are doing, or engagement pictures, something like that. I'd include in the letter that he will be missed, but you'll be sending letters to him after the wedding. I don't think it needs to be a actual invitation-

I know it sounds silly to send him a invite since you know he can't go- but what about asking him if he would like one? I don't think it's rubbing it in his face. I personally have never had the issue of possibly inviting someone who is in prison, but I know a lot of people who were very sad when they didn't get invitations to things even if it was certain they couldn't attend. if nothing else, I'd send him a letting updating him on the wedding, then send him pictures later. I think sending nothing would be very cruel-