Skip to main content
ARE YOU A VENDOR?

Post content has been hidden

To unblock this content, please click here

Tiffany
Just Said Yes August 2022

Inviting the step mother

Tiffany, on December 29, 2019 at 11:36 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 13
Saved
Reply
My fiancé and I just got engaged and are seriously considering not inviting his step mother. She’s been in his life since he was two however she’s been horrible to him. Her and his dad ended up adopting two kids since they got together and ended up neglecting him. You can tell she doesn’t even care for him bc they take family photos without him and he’s in the background of two photos on Facebook. She pretend he doesn’t exist. When we first got together she never gave me a chance and automatically hated me, saying I looked like a “prissy city girl princess” based off my Facebook. When I got to meet her in person for the first time, she asked him if he’s seen me without make up bc I wore too much. Flash forward to when we moved in together she told him he was making a mistake and he would end up coming back home. She’s told his ex that she liked her more than me and gave permission to ruin our relationship and gave her our address. On Christmas morning she refused to announce our engagement to the family saying it was inappropriate and made me cry on Christmas morning by being straight up disrespectful.


We want his dad to come. His dad was the one that introduced us and it means a lot to us that his dad comes. But we don’t want to invite his wife due to her potentially making a scene. Is there an appropriate way to just not invite her?

13 Comments

Latest activity by Sherry, on December 30, 2019 at 9:38 AM
  • Anna
    Super August 2020
    Anna ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    Honestly, No. If you want his dad there then his wife needs to be invited. Its highly likely he wont attend if she isn't invited. Has your fiancé talked to his dad about his wife's behavior?
    • Reply
  • Tiffany
    Just Said Yes August 2022
    Tiffany ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    View Quoted Comment
    He has many times and it only led to him saying “what do you want me to do? She won’t change so just grin and bear it like I do”
    • Reply
  • B
    VIP July 2017
    Becky ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    They are a social unit. If you invite Dad, you have to invite Step-Mom (unless she is/was abusive, and that doesn't seem to be the case from your post).

    You are talking about inviting Dad to an event celebrating your relationship while you show his relationship disrespect.

    • Reply
  • Sarah
    Master September 2019
    Sarah ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    If she’s as dramatic as you are saying she is, I can’t imagine you could just skip inviting her and expect no drama to come from that. Would you both be prepared for his dad not to attend if she isn’t invited?
    • Reply
  • A
    Super February 2020
    Andrea ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    I wish there were a good way to not invite her, but unfortunately there isn’t. You could probably have them sit far enough away from the immediate family on another table?
    • Reply
  • April
    Dedicated November 2020
    April ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    I guess I might be the odd one out here but our situation is similar, we are not inviting FH’s dads current wife. We don’t see her, ever and she has no relationship with any of FH’s family currently. I guess it only differs slightly because she has only been in the picture for less than 10 Years but over that course She has cause MANY problems within the family, which in a few cases have involved the police. FH’s dad is well aware that his wife isn’t invited and she is also aware. So, no there is absolutely no way in hell we are inviting a woman who has created nothing but problems and suffering within the family.


    Have you talked to FH’s dad about your feelings? But if it would come down to him not coming, that may change things. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this, and there is no easy way to go about it.
    • Reply
  • Da Mom
    August 2022
    Da Mom ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    She should be invited. If you don’t invite her you’re disrespecting his dad and putting him in the middle. He may chose to not come to keep peace at home.

    • Reply
  • Laura
    VIP November 2019
    Laura ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    I think you’re just stuck inviting her with FH’s Dad. I didn’t invite my father’s wife, but I only got away with it because she’s too disabled to travel and couldn’t use her wheelchair on the beach. In the absence of something like that, I don’t see a way out for you.
    • Reply
  • Kathryn
    VIP August 2020
    Kathryn ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    I'm really sorry, but most etiquette would dictate that if you invite his father you need to invite his wife. Sometimes people say hurtful/rude things out of spite - it sounds like his stepmom is just a bitter person who can't see the wonderful stepson she's blowing off and the relationship she's not respecting. Maybe she's jealous, if she didn't get a proper wedding. Or maybe she is upset that your dad had kids before her- my stepmom had this issue and was rude to us for awhile before she got over it. My advice is to give her a list of ground rules for going to the wedding, which may include staying out of your earshot if you want. It's your day, and you can draw boundaries with her while still allowing her the courtesy of observing. Maybe stick her in a back corner with another troublemaking family member at the reception. Good luck!!!
    • Reply
  • Jeanie
    Super February 2020
    Jeanie ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    I would have him talk to his father about it. See if he thinks she is going to want to come, or what her reaction would be if she was/wasn’t invited. He probably has the best insight of anyone to know what is going to cause the least drama. I get why he doesn’t want to invite his step mother, but since he seems to have a good relationship with his father, it would be a shame to ruin that by not inviting the step mom. Unfortunately I don’t think anyone can give you the right answer, as I don’t think there is one in this situation. The best case scenario would be to invite her and let her decline, even if it’s an unpleasant decline.
    • Reply
  • Victoria
    Dedicated November 2019
    Victoria ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    This is a tricky one. We didn’t invite a relative but there’s no partner we invited. It was awkward enough when my aunt asked if my cousin’s invite was not lost or included in someone else’s. Either way a conversation should happen. I had to explain to my aunt that it wasn’t against her but my husband and I didn’t want him present. Not inviting his wife definitely needs to be discussed ahead of time so you don’t hurt him in the process. If you end up needing to invite her, make sure you notify your coordinator or planner so they are prepared. Defusing any sort of family drama is part of their job and they take it seriously. You could also notify your photographer or videographer to avoid filming or photographing anything if you’re that worried about a scene. Most vendors are professionals and know how to deal with drama if they are prepared for it and they keep it discrete or confidential. Good luck.
    • Reply
  • Taylor
    VIP October 2020
    Taylor ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    Does his dad not see the way she treats y'all??? That's so sad! Usually I'd say no, you can't just invite him but I wouldn't invite her either! Just be prepared for his dad to be really upset.

    • Reply
  • Sherry
    Master September 2019
    Sherry ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    You aren't required to invite anyone to your wedding. If you are questioning it, don't invite them.

    • Reply

You voted for . Add a comment 👇

×

Related articles

23 Ultra-Romantic Floral Wedding Invitations for a Fairytale Vibe
Invitations & Stationery 23 Ultra-Romantic Floral Wedding Invitations for a Fairytale... These botanical beauties will give guests a first look at the theme of your...
22 Modern Wedding Invitation Suites for a Trendy Aesthetic
Invitations & Stationery 22 Modern Wedding Invitation Suites for a Trendy Aesthetic Share the news of your wedding day in style with these chic, contemporary...
21 Beach Wedding Invitations for Your Waterfront Nuptials
Invitations & Stationery 21 Beach Wedding Invitations for Your Waterfront Nuptials Get your guests excited for your big day with this coastal-inspired stationery.
Read more articles
WeddingWire celebrates love ...and so does everyone on our site! Learn more

Groups

Show more

WeddingWire article topics