Is anyone’s parents judging you for how much your spending g on your wedding?

In that situation I would say sit down with your parents and explain to them that you wouldn't do anything that you and your fiancé cannot afford. My husband and I paid for our wedding on our own and we didn't experience anyone really questioning what we were spending, except for his little sister. She's younger and didn't understand why we spent so much on food, lol. I would say if you want any side comments or questioning to stop, tell your parents you and your fiancé can comfortably afford the type wedding you two are paying for.

My husband and I spent between $20,000-25,000 our wedding. My mother-in-law tried numerous times to change our minds about different things we wanted, but my husband's view was to let her say what she wants to say then go about doing what we want. So even though I didn't agree with everything she said, I listened to what she had to say then continued planning the wedding the way I wanted. We didn't share with her what we spent on what. I wouldn't share with your parents what you plan on spending on things. It is frankly none of their business. If they are covering the cost of something then yes they need to be involved in that aspect, but not everything else. For instance, my mother-in-law paid for our rehearsal dinner so I spoke with her about that. She told us what she wanted to spend and asked me to find a place that we liked that fell within that price range. After I found a place, she helped me select the menu. Otherwise, we didn't involve her in other planning decisions because we knew she would think we were spending too much.

I’m sure they intended to contribute more until their financial situation changed, and knowing their financial situation changed, I think it would be expected that they wouldn’t have as much to give. 20% of a the bill for a large, lavish wedding is a lot of money and very generous. They really didn’t have to give anything at all, as nowadays it’s more common for the bride and groom to pay for their own wedding. If it’s the wedding you want, and you have the means to do it without digging yourselves into a financial hole, then I don’t think you should be made to feel bad about it. I’m sure it’s just hard from their perspective, to not be able to follow through on their previous offer, which is probably why they’re encouraging an inexpensive wedding. I think they deserve a little more grace and appreciation for what they are able to contribute.

Along with the points the pps said, you could also gently remind your parents that you are not your sister and shouldn’t be constantly compared to how she had her wedding. This wedding is for a different couple, a different love story, and you and your fiancé want your day to reflect the pair of you.

My mom says the same to me all the time. Here’s the thing, she hasn’t paid for anything wedding related and has no idea how much we’re spending. She just thinks whatever it is is too much. Whatever. Lol

I wanted to spend $10k-12k and ended up spending $20k. I was so naive about how much things cost. The wedding industry has exploded. When my parents got married in 1989 they had a special church they grew up in that they could use for free. My great grandmother was a cook and made all their food for free. When my dad got married in 1999 to my stepmom, they used a public park and the whole thing was $3k. The most expensive thing was the cake. In both weddings there were no flowers or special music, no professional photos, just a small scrapbook of pics people took. All of those things are completely fine, but it’s just different. My dad always told me whatever I wanted I had to pay for myself. And that’s fine. But in chatting about our wedding plans I think he almost had a heart attack and I stopped telling him how much things cost. Thanks to my parents getting divorced and constantly moving I didn’t have one special church to use. Add in flowers, music, photography, food and the numbers just sky rocket. Get what you want, this is a special time you won’t have again and it’s worth it. Just take what your parents are saying with a grain of salt.

Weddings are expensive! My mom is paying for ours, but with COVID, we had to postpone the big celebration to next summer and still got married this summer! My in-laws complained the whole time they were here for this summer’s ceremony that it’s “stupid” to spend more money on actually having the wedding I want next summer because the day was “so beautiful” and “there’s no point.” It was nice, but it was limited to 10 people and I had to do most of the cooking. Definitely wasn’t a “bridal moment!” If you’re financially stable enough to afford the big wedding of your dreams, do it. In all reality, it isn’t much different than going on an extravagant trip. Everyone has their opinions, but yours is the one that matters!

I totally understand what you are going through... My parents are not in anyway struggling financially, but that does not stop my dad from comparing me to my older brother who got married last year and their wedding was only about 15K, because they wanted to set aside more money for a down payment on a house and to keep paying for my SIL grad school.
But my fiance and I already own (we both bought condos before we met and now use one as a rental property until we move his mother out here for some better care) and we have paid off all student debt.
Different people have different priorities and I'm sorry you're parents are laying on additional guilt for treating yourself to the wedding of your dreams. I think parents don't really understand what a wedding costs these days and should let people make their own decisions.

My dad won't help pay for our wedding because he views it as a poor investment- so I get where you're coming from. Every time we go out to meet with a vendor he not so jokingly asks how much more that one is going to cost. I've just gotten to the point where I ignore him. It's a wedding FH and I know we can more than afford and its what we want to spend our hard earned money on. Family always thinks they are entitled to an opinion even though they aren't. Next time they say something, just let them know that you guys have made your decision and you're happy with it. If they still feel the need to pipe up, kindly (or not so kindly) remind them to shut up.

My mom nagged at my for not spending more to make it a better wedding. i am low maintenance too and i already spent a lot because my guest list was significant but i didn't spend anything to make it as aesthetic as she would have liked. i didn't care about decor, i cared for the experience such as the food. sometimes parents are just kind of annoying about stuff aha. i mean they mean well though but sometimes they just need to lay off

As long as you're both being financially responsible about your budget, I'd suggest straight out telling your parents that you're not your sister and your financial circumstances are not the same as hers. You guys have made a budget that you are both comfortable with being able to maintain to pay for the wedding you want and that is all that matters.

So my grandparents had this huge lavish wedding that my grandma hated (my grandpa is kinda neutral about it lol) but she is always saying “it was a wedding for other people” and is annoyed at how much of a face she had to put on that day, and that the money would’ve been better used for something else.


Nevertheless, they gave us a generous amount of money when we got engaged. They told us it was a no-strings-attached “engagement gift,” not necessarily a wedding contribution. We were free to spend it on the wedding if we wanted, but we could also elope if we wanted and keep the money for a house or something. We chose to spend that money (and some more of our own) on a wedding.

The entire time we were planning, my grandma -tried- to be supportive, but every time something would go wrong with planning or be stressful in any way, she would constantly make remarks about “you should’ve just kept the money and eloped!” etc.

Anyway, we had our wedding, and my grandparents literally had the best time of their lives 😂 they are both HUGE homebodies (literally my grandpa says that since covid his life hasn’t even changed all that much because he leaves the house so infrequently anyway 🤦🏻‍♀️) and they were so not expecting to have a fun time at the wedding, but they did. They said it was one of the best days they’ve ever had, and it was by far the best wedding they’ve ever been to. My grandma ADMITTED SHE WAS WRONG (something ive NEVER heard her do in my entire life 😂) and said it was a good call to have the big wedding and she agrees it was worth every penny!

Moral of the story is: trust yourself! Have the wedding you want! Don’t care what other people think! Spend your money how you want! Maybe they will come around, and maybe they won’t. But I always reminded myself, you can always make more money. You can’t redo your wedding.

My husband's mom is pretty judgmental about people spending money in any regard and his father & stepmother aren't used to lavish parties. My parents paid for our entire wedding and it cost around $60,000. I think they each made one comment and we both totally ignored it, and never brought up budget again. It's not my problem nor is it any of their concern since they aren't paying for it.

Since you’re paying for your “very gorgeous Pinterest wedding” yourselves, I wouldn’t even respond to your parents or anyone else. You mentioned that you and your FH agreed to “burn a hole” in your pockets for the sake of a wedding. You two are comfortable with everything that you’re planning and spending, so why focus on what someone else says?? Statements should just roll off of your back and not matter (unless somewhere inside you actually DO feel uncomfortable about the amount you’re spending and hearing that truth makes you feel bad). Just a thought. And also, the best way to keep from hearing anyone’s mouth about your wedding is to pay for it yourself. So it might be best to decline your parents’ 20% assistance. FH and I are paying 100% and no one else gets a say. We agreed to only blow a small amount of our savings and budgeted a max of $20K for our 65 guest wedding. That way we aren’t in debt, we don’t owe anyone, we still have lots of savings and we can live our newlywed life without any regrets for overspending in an attempt to have a wedding that we couldn’t afford.

I am in the same boat, I went to college for finance to become a financial advisor so I knew how to manage and save my money, but my mom told me she wanted to be "old fashioned" and pay for my wedding. Although I was in college and my fiancé worked full time so I told my mom I could take out a loan if I could not save enough, but the agreement was as long as I finished college and it was local to her (OUT OF STATE for us) that she would pay for everything up to 100 guest. Well after having us sign contracts and agreeing to all of this stuff she is backing out and her and my dad are spazzing at me for how much it is costing even though we only went the route that my mom had agreed on the whole way! The wedding is coming up and my "in laws" added about an additional of $10,000 on top of it to have stuff there they want claiming they would pay for it and saying it is a once in a life time that money should not be an issue and so far have yet to pay for anything, but are trying to get us to cut cost for stuff we want but keep what they want. Well now we are having this elegant wedding with almost 200 people out of state from us and had it how everyone else wanted in agreement that they would help otherwise we wanted it locally, but I understand being told one thing and planning accordingly and then last minute being screwed over. I would say have it YOUR way it is YOUR day and if financially you and your fiancé agreed on it then it should not matter what others say because in the end it is your money and your day and everyone else is a guest to you guys. From my experience, it will save a lot of headache if you did not listen to what others say and if they have a problem with it then they do not have to come. I understand parents worry and want what is best for their children, but if you guys have it planned out and they are not paying for it all then it is your choice how you have it and they should be accepting of it. My mom kept telling me if someone does not like how something is being done, but it is not for them either do not invite them or do not tell them about it and then they can wait for their invitation and show up like everyone else. although, my mom also claims that a wedding is "for the parents" and my inlaws are trying to make it into a huge party on my dime, so I would advise just not keeping them in the loop of the cost or advise them you are a grown women capable of making these choices for yourself and that you and your fiancé are in an agreement and have been planning for this that they will not always be there to have your back and they need to let you make the choices and face how it effects you because they will not be holding your hand through your marriage telling you what house to buy or what to spend your money on (I hope) and I hope this helps!

My parents are judging me too for our pretty modest (according to the industry) budget. Just because our parents got married for 2k and had a beautiful wedding doesn't mean we can do the same thing now!

We are paying for our own wedding (no one offered any assistance, nor did I expect it), and I am certain my parents would find what we are spending on it mind-boggling. But, no one knows what we are spending because we haven't shared any of that information! Maybe I am just making this too simple, but if you don't share the particulars with anyone, nobody can say anything about how you are spending too much on your wedding.

No. My FH and I are paying for everything ourselves. We did not expect our parents to pay for anything and nor did they offer. Parents have ZERO obligation to pay for weddings and it annoys me how our society acts as if they do.