Is being a guest not an honor?

While being asked to participate in a wedding (whether it's as a wedding party member or a reader or other role) is a huge honor, I love being invited to a wedding just as a guest! It's fun to sit back and celebrate with them, and experience everything they have planned. I do think that often, people just like to feel included and like they're being helpful to the couple. I also think that people worry a lot about others feeling left out if some friends are included in the wedding party and others aren't, so they try to find roles for everyone. If someone isn't interested in accepting that role, they can always decline the offer, and instead attend as a guest.

I really wouldn’t want to have a role in someone else’s wedding besides just attending it. I would feel kind of weird & obligated especially if I wasn’t part of the wedding party.

I wouldn't mind helping my friends out if they needed it, that's for sure. a lot of my friends helped me out at mine.

I loathe the idea of asking friends and family to be involved on the wedding day (from readings to MCing) as in my opinion, it imposes an obligation on them that they really shouldn't have / can be quite awkward for the guest as they generally feel like they can't say no.

Some weddings remind me of elementary school plays where everyone is in the show, wheth

I agree!! For this reason, FH and I selected not to have any bridesmaids or groomsmen. We want all of our invited family and friends to sit back and enjoy the day as special guests, without any stress or expected obligations. Too often on these forums, I read about bridesmaids causing “drama” and I always think to myself that there’s no way those ladies can truly be their good friends. Other times I read about brides trying to find random roles for people to fill. I don’t see the point of creating something when there isn’t a true need for a specific task. But, I think it just comes down to brides who are pleasers, who are overly concerned with what others will say/think and who simply can’t say no. Then they wonder why they’re stressed while planning their wedding. 🤦🏽‍♀️ Lol!

Oops. whether there is anything to do or not. I think it is totally meaningless when someone chooses their 8 best friends and 2 sisters as BM, and others for readers. Yes, let more family be guests, no need to find a role for everyone. Honor a few as WP, not a whole parade. A couple years ago my daughter had been to the rehearsal of friends of hers' mom. She made the mistake of telling me it was like clown cars. And I had a hard time not laughing. First, they did not seat mothers and grandmothers and their spouses or SO, until the processional. And 6 ushers 1 at a time, led a couple of grandmothers, a great aunt, a grandfather and 2 mothers and a step mother. All the way down to front seats. then the GM came down the aisle, instead of waiting up front with the groom 10 of them. athen the children, some picketing the wedding, and one appeared to be walking for the first time, with her mom coming down backwards before her. The ten BM followed. Altogether 38 people cam down the aisle 1 at a time, except 2 flower girls, and bride and her dad. Sisters, brothers, cousins, friends. Maybe a hundred at the wedding, and only fifty or so seated. A soloist was nice. 3 readers were 2 too many. We were expecting pets next. And all were in the receiving line. People were laughing at them. I don't know what started it, but weddings should not feel like karaoke night at a tourist bar. Let a meaningful few be in the wedding. And let the others enjoy watching. Please.

No, not in to asking my friends and family to be involved with my wedding.

I think that besides the wedding party and maybe parents, then the guests should come strictly as guests. At least that's how it was for my minimony & it'll also be that way for our big wedding. Guests shouldn't have to work unless they want to

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Couldn't agree more, Yasmine! The wedding party and parents should really be the only ones helping with anything wedding related! Personally, if I'm a guest, I want to be treated as such. Now, I myself offered a close friend help on her wedding day, but that was strictly because things were falling apart left and right and I could see she needed help.

"Wedding Industry TV/magazine idea that being a guest is a chore unless there is a job assigned as incentive"

I have literally never heard of this. I would prefer to just be a guest unless I was truly in the couple's inner circle. Guests should not be made to work at a wedding.

Thank you for all the responses. I agree that no one should be asked to work. It's very interesting though since so many threads, both new and old, say "ask this person or that to be a reader, usher/greeter, coordinator" and the list goes on in trying to make someone feel included because they weren't asked to be a bridesmaid/groomsman.

View Quoted Comment I have never understood this. Or the number of people who are sure everyone they didn't ask to be a bridesmaid will be crushed.
I blame Un-reality TV.

View Quoted Comment I completely agree. The expectations of people have changed dramatically since "reality" wedding tv became a thing..when it's all fake drama for ratings with zero basis in reality. There is no common sense anymore it seems.

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Agree completely

View Quoted Comment We’re just having our adult kids as wedding party. And paying for whatever clothes they need, so that really takes the pressure off all of us. We have a really eclectic group of friends, most of who don’t know each other, and I can’t imagine the struggle to get them to agree on clothing LOL. I’m talking blue haired heavily tattooed who would never wear a dress to someone who wears a skirt, cardigan and pearls everyday. I’d go nuts!

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This makes sense

I was asked, 4 yeats ago to be a groomsman by my big sister's fiancé and by a female cousin . I declined twice for 2 reasons :
#1: I only wanted to enjoy the wedding as a "regular" guest
#2: We weren't , (and still are not) close.I never believed the " asking a future bro-in-law or a future sis-in-law to be a groomsman/bridesmaid will help the 2 of them to bond thing".My sister is still upset with me LOL.However, if she had asked me to be a bridesman or a man of honor , I probably would have accepted .

To answer your question: I DO think that being a guest with no duty/job is still a huge honor, unless you find out you were on a B list of course.
I'm not sure why some people are hurt if not asked to be in the wedding party or to perform a job/task such as a reading or ushering.
I was stuned a few days ago, when I read a thread here on WW, a bride explained that some uncles and aunts said her mother they will not come because their kids weren't asked to be in the wedding party but will attend if she change her mind and ask them !
If I were in her shoes: I would not only uninvite all this bunch of toxic people but also won't talk to them anymore.

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I completely agree with everything you mentioned!