Is “getting to marry your best friend” really all that matters??

Sooooo true! If "marrying your best friend" was really all that mattered then everyone would just save their money and go to the courthouse. I get people are trying to help brighten spirits when they make that comment, but it can come off as really insensitive. Just saying, "You're right, it really sucks, and I'm sorry" is so much better than trying to throw some fake positivity into the situation. It is absolutely 100% valid to be upset about not having the wedding you planned and dreamed of.

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Definitely not. We're all aware that we can easily get married without the big celebration but some people want it for reasons that others might not care about. Everyone is different and that's ok. We've talked about moving forward for so long that if we decided not to move forward, we would have had to make that change a long time ago.

I honestly wouldn't have minded going back to our elopement plan but for 1. it's too late because of all the time and money we spent and 2. I'd rather have the slight chance that some elder family members can make it now despite covid than have a celebration later on and them no longer be with us for it.

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Yes, exactly! Sending hugs to everyone that's feeling this way!!

I'm just excited about being able to party & celebrate with our family and friends for our big wedding.

I agree with you, but I also agree with the statement. I was married more than a year by the time Covid hit, so I know it’s not the same.
But I just wanted to be married. I sacrificed my dream wedding so we could get married sooner. I wanted to get married in WDW so bad. We even went and spoke with them and requested all the information a pricing. No matter how I priced it out it came to about $8,000 more than our budget. Not a lot but I was in grad school and there were 5 months I couldn’t work.
So instead of my dream wedding I settled for a wedding at home where I came in about $500 under budget. I have no regrets. Except maybe getting a better photographer with that extra money, lol.

THANK YOU for this post! It is so well said.

We were supposed to get married May 30th 2020, we postponed to July 18th, since at the time we had no idea that this would be going on for so long. We postponed again until October 23rd 2020. We did end up getting married that day in a very small ceremony with just our parents, and plan to have our big wedding on our one year anniversary. I can't begin to say how many people have used that line - and while yes, I am extremely grateful that I did get to marry my best friend, in the end I didn't get to have my big wedding that I have dreamed of since I was a little girl, I didn't get to celebrate the biggest day of my life with my best friends and my family. It's very difficult at times to think that my wedding day was so short and simple, with just our parents. It was wonderful and will always be my favorite day don't get me wrong, but it was not at all what I had thought it would be since I was young and I think we as brides have the right to be sad about that, but grateful at the same time.

Again, thank you for posting this. it helped me, and i'm sure many other "COVID brides" feel like we aren't terrible people for wanting the wedding of our dreams.

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View Quoted Comment Thank you so much for your insight and sharing your story. I’m so sorry you had to compromise on your dream wedding 😭 I know the people that hit us with the cliche statement don’t mean any harm by it, but it really can feel devaluing or dismissive of something sooooo important to many of us brides. Feeling like the wedding is important in addition to getting married is totally ok and none of us should feel bad for feeling that way. You are also completely valid in your feelings of sadness and disappointment at not getting to have the wedding you’d dreamed of. I hope your one year anniversary celebration is everything you dream of!! 💕

I completely agree with this! In my opinion, people who believe that the only thing that matters is marrying your best friend are probably the ones who elope (which is not to say that one is better or more valid than the other). The point of planning a big wedding with friends and family is exactly because it's not just the act of getting married that matters. My FH's and my wedding plans are based completely on the fact that I haven't seen many of my friends and family in more than five years and his will have an opportunity to see where I'm from. For us, having to cancel those plans and have a simple ceremony or signing of papers would absolutely defeat the point of what matters to us in this celebration.

Love this post!!!


Every time I read something about being happy to marry your best friend kind of made me feel guilty for postponing because I want the big wedding with all our friends and family.
❤️❤️

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I like that you mentioned grief, for that is exactly what all the couples who had to postpone/cancel/change/compromise their dream wedding are experiencing. Grief is a complex emotion and one that has a bit of a life of its own. You go through stages of grief and until you do that it is hard to move on.

Okay thanks for sharing your opinion. Let's agree to disagree.
I suspect that we can all agree that marriage is more important than the wedding. The fact that mant of us are entering into this significant legal contract but most have no idea what's actuallt involved in that contract, and spend a lot more time figuring out what kind of cake we should have at the wedding speaks volumes of our society.

Yes!! I think people have said that mostly to just get through this weird time...but it isn’t all that matters. For me, something really important to me is that my dad walk me down the aisle. We’ve had a truly terrible relationship in the past and we’ve just recently been able to get over it and are very close now, we talk almost every day. Earlier this year he got diagnosed with prostate cancer and we were devastated. I was mostly devastated to think there was any possibility he may not be there, even though the chances of him dying from this cancer are very very slim. So I fully agree, there are so many other things that really do matter when getting married other than the end game. The end game is the most important and something to remember when things are going out of control, but everything else is important too!

I'm not married yet I still have until February 2022(fingers crossed) and this is how I feel. I don't like how people are saying just go to the courthouse now and have the big reception later. I want to One and Done this because to me personally if I were to get married now I don't think it would seem as exciting to walk down the aisle and share our marriage vows as newlyweds if I'm already a wife. Everybody has opinions on whether they want to elope or have a big wedding and it's ok to have those opinions. What no one should do is to downplay someone's feelings about their wedding as "it's just a party."

View Quoted Comment Absolutely! I couldn’t agree more. Neither option is better or “right”. Unfortunately, in the current covid climate, so many brides are having their excitement about their weddings extinguished by these comments. I don’t know why people feel it is helpful to tell an already devastated bride that they shouldn’t care about their weddings, or that they should just elope or go to the courthouse. These people obviously care about their weddings, or they wouldn’t be upset. It’s just so nice to see so many women coming together here to be supported in their desire to still have their dream weddings ❤️ I’m so happy you and FH both determined that celebrating with your loved ones was important to you, and have decided to be patient in order to have the wedding of your dreams. Congratulations on the engagement! The wait is totally going to be worth it!!

View Quoted Comment I’m so sorry about your father’s diagnosis. My mother went through ovarian cancer 2 years ago; I know how scary it is hearing your parent has cancer. I’ll be sending prayers & good vibes your way girl!!
Also, thank you for sharing! I love how we can come together on this forum and support eachother!

View Quoted Comment Thanks Chrysta!! It's funny you say "It's totally going to be worth the wait" - that is exactly what we promised our guests when we announced our postponement! I realize that everyone's scenarios are different, and postponing isn't the right solution for everyone, but my fiance and I both totally agree with you that a reception or vow renewal just wouldn't have had the same emotion attached to it for us as the actual wedding. I'm bummed for you that you had to postpone as well, but it sounds like your new date is going to be amazing, and also well worth the wait!! Can't wait to see photos when you post your BAM (if you choose to do one)!

To be honest, yeah, it is all that matters me. I don't understand the importance placed on what are to me oversized, overly elaborate events that often cost obscene amounts of money. I wanted a micro-wedding because the smaller and less complicated the wedding, the sooner I can be his wife. My FH is more about that traditional wedding scheme. So much so that our guest list is now 70 people. He wanted larger, but he knew it would drive me nuts. We did have arguments about it and we both had to compromise.

I still find it somewhat annoying that I now have a 70-person guest list, but he is happy and I am happy I compromised and worked him to make him happy and vice versa. So in short, I realize not everyone cares about just one thing and that everyone has different things they want for their weddings but from my perspective, some people put way too much emphasis on the ceremony itself and not on the *marriage*. Just an opinion. If people want to put off being married to get their ideal huge ceremony and party, more power to them.

View Quoted Comment Very well said. I think it’s important for everyone to acknowledge and support a couple’s decision on what is important to them in regards to their weddings. While it is likely not intentional, making comments like the ones you mentioned (“just go to the courthouse and get married, or “it’s just a party”) can deeply affect the people they are directed toward. It definitely minimizes the couple’s feelings and desires about a celebration that means a lot to them, and they have likely put a lot of thought and effort into. I have actually gotten the “ just sign the marriage license and have a reception later” comment from 2 people. The first was from my mom, and I know the only reason she said it was because I lost my job due to Covid, and marrying my fiancé meant that I could get on his amazingly good insurance. I know she was just watching out for me and my health, but it really was disheartening to hear it. The second person that said it to me, however, i’m not sure about their intentions. I would like to think it was meant with no ill will, but part of me thinks it may have been out of competitiveness. Her daughter decided to scale down her wedding to get married during the pandemic, and part of me thinks she was afraid by not postponing or compromising on our vision, our wedding would be “better” than her daughter’s. Her daughter also encouraged me to just go to the courthouse or have a backyard wedding. But, like you, my fiancé and I just didn’t feel like it would be as exciting having a vow renewal or just a reception later when we were already married. It was important for us to share the actual moment with our loved ones. And hopefully, after all us Covid brides who have postponed finally get to have our dream weddings, it’ll all be worth it!!

View Quoted Comment You too!! I think all of us Covid rescheduled brides need to BAM the heck out of our weddings!!