Is “getting to marry your best friend” really all that matters??

It is not all that matters to me ! Lol I have become increasingly annoyed at people who offer advice when it’s not asked and say getting married is all that matters. Usually people that have said that to me are trying to make me feel better but also can’t relate at all because they have never been through it. Planning a large event is hard and I think it’s totally ok to want all of that on top of getting married!

View Quoted Comment Thank you! It’s much appreciated. And sorry that your mother had to go through it as well, I don’t think there’s anything really much scarier than hearing the C word. I love it too!!! These forums are one of my favorite things to read and comment on these days!

I think I am one of the example of grieving my original “wedding”. I eloped in 1998. Nothing was like I dream about. I was pregnant at 18 and had no choice. Yes we had small lunch with friends. Yes, we went to chapel to get blessing. Yes, I wore white. It was all donated, used, borrowed, as simple as it gets. I was 7.5 months pregnant at the elopement. And we signed the marriage certificate 3 days before I gave birth, in street clothing. I was numb. I wasn’t sad, but I was utterly disappointed. We had no money so I shut my mouth. I grieved for years and years and years. I didn’t want to see or go to any wedding, because I my heart aches looking at weddings. Many people, including my dh don’t care about wedding. He said, important is you are my wife. I feel like a dream was taken away from me. People are allowed to dream. It doesn’t matter what it is, but once you realize you can’t have your dream, it breaks you. To me my dreams are have a wedding, have a honeymoon alone with dh, have babies with dh, get a degree, be a great housewife, have a house, getting old gracefully watching my kids live happily with their own families. 23 years of marriage, I am happy, but the wedding and the honeymoon IS MISSING from my life, and I have been secretly wishing to get married again. Wishing dh would drop one knee and propose to me romantically, just once in my darn life I want to feel it. My dh dropped his knee twice in 2020, proposing with no words because he isn’t romantic and still learning to be romantic. He didn’t know how much I want this wedding we are planning now. He, heck... not only him, no one... no one knows how painful my heart feels when I see a romantic wedding. So, one day I opened up and dh realized how raw my feelings are about it. He bought me almost $10,000 diamond engagement ring, our wedding wedding bands are also almost $10,000 for both. Our wedding will be intimate (6people including us), because I just want us to focus on us, but it would cost $20,000 and maybe more. Of course it’s not how much you spend is how much you would be happy about your marriage. If you want your wedding a certain way, do it, go all out, get everything you always wanted. Happy is relative. I just know I am romantic queen. The more romantic my dh made me feel, the happier I am. I glow! And it’s true, happy wife happy life!!! 💕

I am guilty of thinking that whenever someone has posted about having to cancel or postpone. However, after a very difficult few months with my fiancé’s 17 year old daughter who almost made us cancel our wedding, I now realize how wrong that sentiment is. While I wouldn’t postpone my wedding out another year or two because of the guest count, the idea of having to cancel our wedding was heartbreaking and I honestly don’t know if that would have been something I’d be able to forgive her for. Our wedding is small and intimate and not something I’ve always dreamed of, but having my family and closest friends there is extremely important to me. We’ve decided we are going forward with our wedding and it is up to her to decide if she wants to attend and I know that it will be heartbreaking for my fiancé if his daughter chooses not to attend our wedding but he wants us to go forward with it. He wants us to have our wedding and she will have to live with her choices. Let’s hope she makes the right choice.

Chrysta thank you for starting this thread. I find it fascinating that instead of cherishing the difference between the couples dream weddings we pit each other. I am MOG and only here to learn new things to support my son and FDIL. Everyone’s dream weddings are so different but whether the dream is a 300 person wedding with all the bells or whistles or to elope every bride and groom should appreciate and execute what they want. I do feel very sorry for all the brides and grooms going through a COVID wedding planning. There are compromises that need to occur unfortunately. Planning a large wedding under these circumstances is horrible and wish you all the best and can’t wait to see the pictures of your NOLA wedding.

View Quoted Comment Thank you so much for being vulnerable and sharing your experience. It really illustrates how important having that special celebration truly can be (no matter how big or small). I’m so sorry you didn’t get to experience it when you got married; but it sounds like you are more than making up for it now!! How wonderful that you have a hubby that understands how you were grieving and is going above & beyond to make sure you get to have a magical vow renewal and honeymoon! Can’t wait to see your BAM!

View Quoted Comment It’s completely ok to want to enjoy your marriage AND your wedding! Covid culture has created a sense of “there’s more important things to worry about than a wedding”, and “it’s just a party”. But just because the current climate may force us to change or postpone our plans, it doesn’t mean we don’t want and deserve to have our weddings just like they would have been had covid never happened.and no one should be made to feel guilty for wanting it! I think it’s extra frustrating when people who are already married and got to have their dream weddings say these things

I've been married 3.5 years . . . every time someone comments "at least you'll be married" my heart breaks for everyone affected. I was able to celebrate with my friends and family and we were able to have the wedding we (I) wanted (he just wanted to marry me), and so many here are not going to be able to have that for the foreseeable future.

My cousin and his husband just got married at the courthouse. Yes, they're married - but they wanted to be able to marry in front of friends and family and have a party to celebrate. Yes, they'll have a reception next year - but it's not the same - and that's not fair.

Yes. The marriage is important, but wanting to celebrate with friends and family is important too. Everyone (who wants to) should be able to get all done up, in whatever outfit makes them feel fantastic, and declare the promise that is marriage in front of however many people they can afford to host - whether it's a full-out party, a cake and punch afternoon, or something in between.

View Quoted Comment I could definitely see how it would be easy for people to think that when they are not faced with having to deal with that particular situation. When you take the feelings/emotions out of it, it definitely seems logical!
I’m so sorry you’re having problems with your FDIL. I 100% know how that is – I experienced that in the past. Is she a tween or teenager?

View Quoted Comment Thank you so much for your reply. How cool are you to join a forum just to help out your son and FDIL?! That is so sweet and considerate of you. You have very lucky kids

View Quoted Comment Thanks so much for your reply, I couldn’t have said it better!

View Quoted Comment 1,000% agree!!!

I can see where you are coming from with this. at the end of the day the goal is to marry your partner. so i think that's why people say that phrase because yea that's literally the actual whole point. but it IS devastating to think that this big celebration has to be changed drastically or postponed too because it is something to look forward to and it is something that people dream of. i love weddings and i think celebrating it is important even if it's in a small or informal scale.

View Quoted Comment Absolutely. I truly think people are just trying to offer a positive outlook on a crappy situation. And by no means have I ever been offended by the comment. Bummed, disappointed, guilty, yes. But offended, no. After seeing it said so many times, I started to wonder if I was the only one that felt that way. Like, I was truly questioning if I was being shallow for still wanting to have the wedding we had planned pre-Covid. This is one of the reasons I love Wedding Wire so much! - it’s great to have a place to ask these sorts of questions and get to bond with other brides in similar situations. And it definitely put my mind at ease knowing I wasn’t the only one feeling this way.

Agree with the OP entirely.

The MOST important thing is getting to marry your person, but if that is all weddings were about everyone would just go to the courthouse and elope in the least expensive and most convenient way possible. Obviously weddings mean more to a lot of people - why is why we go through crafting a beautiful event and spending so much money to host a party with our loved ones to celebrate. Unless eloping was your preferred way of getting married to start, nothing about Covid has forced you to change your original plans, and your Covid wedding was everything you dreamed it would be, you are absolutely 100% allowed to feel angry, disappointed, sad, etc if you've needed to drastically re-envision your wedding day because of the pandemic.

I'm so incredibly happy that I married my husband but still feel let down about how it happened. I feel like we were robbed of the experience of sharing the moment with the people we love and honoring our wedding day in a way that felt celebratory. The joy of married doesn't negate a disappointing wedding. Hopefully the bitterness fades with time, but for brides who feel sad about how their Covid wedding turned out, your feelings are 100% valid.

View Quoted Comment Thank you so much for being vulnerable and sharing your experience. “The joy of married doesn’t negate a disappointing wedding”... this is such a powerful statement that I truly feel will hit home with a lot of people. I am so sorry you are grieving the loss of your dream wedding. I know there is no way to go back and change things, but I hope you have the opportunity to have he dream vow renewal in the future

View Quoted Comment She’s my future step daughter and she’s 17. It’s been a very difficult few months for sure. It still is, but my FH finally said her issues are hers to deal with and if she continues to refuse to deal with them then that is on her. We have to move forward with our life together and let her work out her life for herself.