Is it ok for fiance/husbands to stay out all night

I think it depends on how the situation is handled. TH and I have both had nights that we've gone out with friends and planned on not coming home. We talked about it before and knew that that was the plan. It's never been a problem. We also had a time or 2 where a quick trip to see a friend turned into a few drinks and not feeling comfortable driving home. So we stayed over and came home first thing in the morning. But we called and let the other person know the situation. It's never been a problem.

But, if he is not communicating with you or letting you know that he is planning to not come home until breakfast, I see why you would have a problem with that. I would too. There needs to be some communication so you are not up all night worrying that something could have happened to him.

I would sit down and have a conversation with him about how it makes you feel. Leave out anything about how it might look to other people. That's not really the important part (at least in my opinion). Tell him that it makes you worried when you do not know the plan and he ends up not coming home or even returning your calls/texts while he is out. Suggest that before he goes out next time, he thinks through the plans for the night and let's you know when he thinks he will be home. And also that he will text/call you if that time frame changes so you do not worry as much. But, I also think you need to be a little accommodating. If he says he will be home at 2 but ends up coming home at 2:20, don't get upset. It's still close to the time he gave and sometimes it's hard to get a cab or there's traffic or other small delays. And don't worry so much about what other people think of him going out. Their opinions are not important. Your relationship with FH and how you both feel about it is what is important.

Thank you all very much. Just to clear the air I never have been the type to worry about others. When i say it looks bad. I am referring to myself. It looks bad when im up all night worrying because his sisters are alcoholics they drink and drive. So why would they stop him from doing is? You get where i am coming from? They party and get into rough situations. And thats my main concern and he knows that. I am grateful to have a outlet where people are able to tell me what's more of the concern. And like everyone said contacting me isn't hard. There is no way your having so much fun that you cant send a quick text to let me know you are breathing. I will consider counseling because he only does this when his family has events birthdays, holidays, cookouts. It wouldnt bother me so much if you say" babe staying at my sister's house it was lit" something along those lines you know. Its like no call no show its not good its not a good look for you towards me. You dont care enough to tell me anything its not fair to me because anything can happen. Im going to use everyones suggestions as well self examine myself.

Update! He just return home as if everything is ok. He says: its family we were having a good time i just didnt think to call. But he can barley walk or stand up straight.

Someone mentioned if there family likes me. They love me i dont feel the same about them. There really ghetto and wild and im bougie in there eye sight but i keep my distance. Im far from bougie I just don't indulge in there foolery. I love them from a distance

I agree with PP who have said that while staying out all night wouldn't be a problem, not calling or texting to let you know would.

FH often goes to his friends houses and will spend the night, or will go down to a casino to go gambling for the weekend. I'll do the same occasionally, but I don't tend to drink as much with friends, and prefer my own bed lol. This works for us, but may not for everybody.

This is something that you a FH need to sit down and have a conversation about if it is bothering you.

It is not unreasonable to feel the way that you do. It is also not unreasonable to expect that if your FH sees how much it bothers you, he will compromise

There was a period when I was dating FH when he did this (with friends not family) and it made me feel uncomfortable. It was also a time when trust and communication were lacking in our relationship. When when started working on those two things and I learned to communicate in a non confrontational, it stopped. Try starting your conversations with "when you do __ it makes me feel ___"

For us personally, my husband and i encourage each other to spend time apart with friends or doing things we used to before we got married. We've both dialed it in and spend more weekends at home than out but still, he wouldnt say anything against me going out with my friends to drink or whatever.

The answer isn't whether you're right or wrong, it's how YOU feel about it. If you have a problem with it, then it's a problem. Some people may say it's fine, others might say no way, but the only thing that matters is if it's making you uncomfortable or causing problems in your relationship. Every person and relationship has their own boundaries, and both people in the couple should be respectful of those boundaries. If you are not okay with it, then you should continue to to communicate this with your FH until you come to a compromise that you are both OK with. I'm curious if you have a problem with it because it really bothers you, or because you just feel like it looks bad for a married man to be out all night? That's a good place to start. You should also determine exactly how strongly you feel about it. If it's a really big deal to you, you may need to push harder for him to understand it's an issue and he needs to make changes. If it's not such a big deal, you may come to a lighter compromise like he can go out a couple times a month, etc. Once you figure out exactly why (or if) you are really bothered by it, you'll be able to better communicate that to your FH.

The question is this....is this just now becoming a problem? Has he always done this with his sisters? If the answer is yes then you're going to be fighting an uphill battle. He probably feels it was ok in the past why do you have an issue now? Yeah time for a sit down talk and dont get offended when he asks why is it an issue now when it wasn't before. You're trying to change me

I had to look up what "bougie" means and I don't get it. It sounds like you and your FH need to have a serious talk and yes, definitely counseling. The maturity level is far too low to ignore.

1) When you say next morning what time are you talking 12 AM or 2 AM or 5 AM.I do think the time matters. 2) yes that would irk me if he didn't call, there's not that much fun in the world that every time you forget. Maybe sometimes but every time?! 3) he's not going to want to be at home with you all the time. He's clearly really close to his family and unfortunately at this point i doubt if that changes. if it's his family I really wouldn't worry that much about it but it is odd that his sisters don't think enough of you to atleast have him reach out to you. I'm sure they'd want their significant other to do that

I don't think being out all night is an issue. Honestly, when I go out with my friends from OT school we love to stay out super late which tends to mean we've gotten pretty hammered. I stay with a friend and head home when I'm sober.

My husband loves going out and, as long as he calls me when he's wherever he's staying for the night, I'm happy. I'd much rather him crash at his buddy's place then attempt to drive home.

I think this really speaks to how much you trust him. Who cares what anything "looks" like? Who is this hypothetical person "looking" and judging? Who cares if someone wants to cut loose and stay out all night? Getting married shouldn't dictate that someone has to be home by 9/10PM every night.

Communication is the glue that holds a relationship together. I would say to sit down and talk calmly with him. Say that this upsets you because you have a family together, you can't get a hold of him in an emergency, etc. It's different if you're just calling him every half hour to see where he's at, which probably isn't nice on your end, but if you just call after a few hours to see what's up and can't reach him, that's concerning and worrying to you. I would just urge you to communicate with each other healthily. It's not an easy conversation, and it won't be easy to not be hurt if it doesn't go the way you want. He might be hurt by your (maybe?) sudden change of opinion on his lifestyle too.

In my relationship, my best friend is a single man. We've been friends since before FH and I got together. Every few months or so, I'll stay the night at his place, the two of us, playing video games and chatting, sometimes drinking but not usually. FH and I talked about it, FH knows this man and they're good friends, but he still accepts that I want to spend time with my best friend alone. I have let him do the same with his female friends in the past, and I trust him not to mess around. Sometimes he wasn't reachable, and sometimes I'm not. We know we can contact each other's friends if there's an emergency, and our friends know that they can call the other spouse if there's an issue too. Otherwise we trust each other to be safe, not do anything inappropriate, and to let the other know what the plans are and if they change. (If I'm drinking or playing video games, he won't hear from me until the next morning. If I'm out to lunch or dinner, he'll wait a few hours before he'll ask if I'm home if I didn't tell him.) I WANT to share with my spouse where I am and what I'm doing, to the point he sometimes gets annoyed when I call or text But that's how we work! It isn't a requirement, just something we want to share.

My H is an adult. If he wants to stay out all night, I don't care, as long as he lets me know and doesn't start shirking responsibilities, which he wouldn't do. So I don't have an issue. The two of you need to discuss this.

Sounds to me like you guys need to set boundaries! My FH and I have a couple of set rules, #1- we will never hangout with the opposite gender friends alone, in or out of the home. That just eliminates any questions/concerns.

#2- If we go out without the other, just keep me updated periodically. That way if plans change I'm aware. No I can't say I'd be ok with my FH going out all night long and coming back the next morning, even if it was with family. I'm not sure there are many woman or men who'd be ok with it. With the exception that it was planned out that way from the beginning ( and SO was okay with it)

I think there needs to be some give on both ends. I do not think that him going out with his family and staying on that side of town overnight is wrong or inappropriate. They are his family, and it sounds like a bit of a drive. Just because you are not very social doesn't mean he has to be the same. Now on the other hand he should check in from time to time and should answer his phone or call you back in a timely fashion. This needs to be an mature conversation between you too. Also you should not concern yourself with what other think your relationship looks like or how a husband is "supposed" to behave. Every person is different and every relationship is different.

He'll reach a time when he'll know he can't/shouldn't do it anymore. If you're not worried that he's doing anything he shouldn't be, let him be. Certainly be open and communicate your concerns, but if he's not hurting anything let it go.

If he is staying out until morning and can't be reached by phone, I'm sorry but cheating comes to mind. Why wouldn't he be reachable by phone? That's very suspicious to me, and I'm not even the jealous type. I'm just not naive either.

I think his behavior is suspicious and needs to be discussed with him.

H and I spend the night at different places a few times a month (one of us staying w friends or visiting family or whatever), and it's never an issue and idgaf how it might "look" to anyone else.

However, we text good night every single night (even if we don't talk at all the rest of the day), so when I wake up in the morning I at least see a good night text from him before he went to bed and know he was safe somewhere.

If I couldn't get ahold of him and wasn't even sure if he was safe, I would have an issue with that too. But I don't text or call him when he is out unless something is urgent (virtually never), and I know he isn't looking at his phone often when he is out with friends.

We were long distance for many years so we have already been in the habit of texting good night anyway when not together.

NOT ok for my DH! Not all night! We live in Houston - if he's been drinking - he can call Uber!

Well, from reading the comments, it seems like everyone has a different stance on this.

For me, it wouldn't be (and isn't) a problem at all. It makes me happy when hubby is having a good time with friends and I trust him. I prefer he stay where he is because I know he drinks and that's not safe. That being said, what is okay now would not necessarily be okay when we have a child and I am dead tired. Situations change and you need to reevaluate as necessary.

I get being frustrated with him not sending you updates, BUT I used to be in an emotionally abusive relationship. 30 calls is too many. When my ex would call me that much it would make me mad to the point that it would ruin my night, make me drink more and I would stop trying to talk to him because it is controlling. If he ALWAYS stays out overnight when he is with his sisters then just assume he will be and stop getting mad about it. Maybe you can check in with a sister to make sure he is safe. You did say you trust him...

I could see the occasional later than late night with a heads up of course. But not coming home until breakfast consistently would not fly with me. Hopefully he's willing to make a compromise