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bertalert88
Dedicated July 2019

Is it ok that i don't invite my wedding parties Sos to the rehearsal dinner?

bertalert88, on February 20, 2019 at 12:44 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 48

I am on a VERY tight budget, but plan to have a rehearsal dinner at a local italian restaurant I am getting a deal on because I know the owners. My wedding party is 12 people, plus our 4 parents, my brother, and the officiant (uncle). So that alone is 20 people. In my mind, the rehearsal dinner was soley for the people in the wedding, as we would be rehearsing what we are doing for the ceremony, practicing entrance dances, and bonding as a wedding party. When I told one of my BMs about this though, she acted rather shocked and appalled that her husband wasn't invited. Is she in the right here? If I let SOs come, that's 9 more people added on. What are your guys thoughts?

48 Comments

Latest activity by Judith, on March 2, 2019 at 5:37 PM
  • FutureMrsKC
    Master January 2019
    FutureMrsKC ·
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    They should be invited. I've never heard of not inviting significant others. Usually, that's their date for the weekend and they should be accommodated as well. It definitely adds more people to a rather small party, but if your budget was tight, you should have had a smaller bridal party to accommodate everyone. I would be offended if my husband or I were not invited to everything together, since we are a social unit.

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  • Kelly
    Champion October 2018
    Kelly ·
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    Yes significant others are always invited. I would be upset if I was told my husband wasn’t invited.
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  • Kelsey
    VIP September 2020
    Kelsey ·
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    I would be upset if my future husband wasn't coming with me to my friend's rehearsal dinner this coming summer. I did check with her first before, because we also have friends in the area of the wedding that he could of gone to have dinner with. But I am much happier that he is going with me, plus I am one of the few bridesmaids in my friend's wedding that don't know everyone else in the bridal party so it makes me feel more comfortable knowing my future husband will be with me.

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  • Mandy
    VIP May 2019
    Mandy ·
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    Agree with the above. The sig-nif should always be invited. One of my bridesmaids isn't married.. the other will probably just come without her hubby and leave him with the kids. In that case, it'd be just one, but they will still be invited if they are married, engaged, or in a serious relationship. Maybe look around for cheaper options if you can't afford everyone to go. I would have done a smaller wedding party if that was the case. Typically, the groom's parents pay for the rehearsal dinner also.

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  • MrsD
    Legend July 2019
    MrsD ·
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    I've never heard of a rehearsal dinner where significant others aren't invited. If I was a bridesmaid and my fiance wasn't invited to the rehearsal dinner but I was, I wouldn't go. I'd go to the rehearsal and go back to the hotel.

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  • bertalert88
    Dedicated July 2019
    bertalert88 ·
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    Our rehearsal is at the restaurant though, not at the venue. We have a private room reserved. Does that change anything or no?

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  • MrsD
    Legend July 2019
    MrsD ·
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    Not for me, personally. But this is just my opinion! We are inviting spouses to our rehearsal if they want to go, and our rehearsal is Friday morning at the venue. Then our dinner is later in the evening at a restaurant. Spouses are invited to both (if they want to go, no pressure if they don't).

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  • Courtney
    Super September 2019
    Courtney ·
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    Yes, they should be invited. I would also find it odd if just I was invited to a rehearsal dinner and I was asked to leave my SO at home (or in our hotel room if we traveled for the wedding). If bridal party members and their partners are attending the wedding together they should be welcome to attend the rehearsal dinner together. That’s one of the trade offs of having a larger wedding party, more mouths to feed! If a sit down meal for that size group isn’t in budget maybe you could do something more casual like pizza or catered Italian at home.
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  • karen
    Master October 2017
    karen ·
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    I think SOs (however you define, but certainly spouses, fiances) must be invited.

    While typically the grooms parents pay, they are under NO obligation to do so. If they do not offer, the bride and groom pay. Pizza or sandwhiches at home is fine.

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  • Melissa
    VIP October 2018
    Melissa ·
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    Etiquette says that they should be invited, but - we did not invite SO's. Our rehearsal was on a Thursday, and most of the husbands, boyfriends, wives, girlfriends, whoever didn't want to go because they had to work and didn't want to leave the office early. So for US, it just worked out best not to invite them.

    That said, we did have one wife with the kids and one girlfriend that joined us because they traveled from out of state and knew no one else here. We know our rehearsal dinner was not the norm, but that's what worked for us.

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  • Iva
    Super September 2019
    Iva ·
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    If it’s a dinner, I would find it strange if husbands/wives or fiancée/fiancé of the bridal party are not invited (I wouldn’t necessarily feel obligated to invite boyfriends/girlfriends though it would be nice).

    However, if you can’t afford a dinner you definitly shouldn’t go into debt or put financial strain on yourself either.

    So how about you have only ceremony rehearsal earlier in the day with drinks after? Or you have ceremony rehearsal & then have informal dinner where SOs are invited but everybody pays for themselves? I don’t see anything wrong with that. You are not obligated to pay for a full dinner if you can’t afford it.
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  • Allie
    Master August 2019
    Allie ·
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    They should definitely be invited. I would plan something affordable for the appropriate amount of guests.

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  • Nemo
    Master August 2018
    Nemo ·
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    Significant others should be invited. This was a big deal for us because my in laws didn't want to invite significant others because they wanted to have the RD at their country club, which was going to cost over $3,000 for 25 people which was the top of the RD budget. I ended up looking up different restaurants in the area and found ones that could accommodate the size of our party (between 35-40). They ended up spending a little over $2,000 for 36 people instead and it made everyone happy.

    I was really put off when my H was a groomsman for a wedding and I wasn't invited to the rehearsal dinner. We don't get to spend a lot of time together due to my school schedule, so I literally didn't see him from 7:30 am on Thursday when he left for work until 6 pm on Friday at the ceremony. It was frustrating. Being the SO of a wedding party member totally blows, don't make it suck more by not inviting them.

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  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
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    They should be invited. This was an expense that you should have considered when you decided to have 12 attendants.
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  • Brittany
    Devoted March 2019
    Brittany ·
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    We were in the same boat. We didn’t invite anyone but the wedding party (no parents, etc..) however we did give them all the option to bring their S/Os especially with three of them being out of state. I didn’t want to host a dinner at all because of our tight budget but in the end it’s a nice thank you for all their dedication. I think you should give them the option because you could really upset some people.
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  • A
    Devoted September 2020
    Anna ·
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    Etiquette states S.O. should be invited however YOU decide on whatever fits your budget/ makes you happy. We will not be inviting S.O. to the rehearsal and if anyone has a problem with that then they don’t have to attend the dinner. It’s one meal away from you S.O.... I think you’ll survive lol
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  • Danielle
    Master June 2019
    Danielle ·
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    I agree with 98% of previous comments. A lot of couples are paying for their own weddings and are on a tight budget. SOs should be considered for all guests and bridal party in all wedding events (rehearsal, wedding, etc.). Obviously it is too late to shorten your bridal party so you can afford everyone, but you can change your reception dinner set up: cheaper venue, more casual food. I would not attend if my fiance wasn't invited as well, so I see why your bridesmaid was shocked.

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  • bertalert88
    Dedicated July 2019
    bertalert88 ·
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    Ok well i'm glad I posted this and am seeing a general consensus. After reading through all these reponses, I think we will just have to find a new place to do the rehearsal so that we can accommodate everyone and their SOs within our budget.


    With that said though, I do think its equally as rude to flat out refuse to go to a wedding rehearsal simply because your SO was not invited. In my mind, originally, this was not only a budgetary decision, it was also because we are going to be practicing the actual wedding, and getting together in groups to learn a small choreographed dance, and the SO's are not involved in that. We only have the room for a certain amount of time and any excess of people would derail the timing and flow. But that's just my 2 cents.

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  • Brae
    VIP September 2019
    Brae ·
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    Personally, I wouldn't get offended if i wasn't invited to a rehearsal dinner, because I'd be extremely bored during the actual rehearsal part, if I was not also part of the party, however, I understand why some people do. Because you already had a bridal party member be offended, I think you definitely should invite everyone. It doesnt have to be a fancy thing. We're planning on going to a bar close by and ordering pizzas and pitchers of beer. (We're also inviting SOs because we know some people aren't like us.
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  • MIWM
    VIP June 2019
    MIWM ·
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    You should invite them. I understand being on a budge because it is very expensive. My fiancé and I will be doing pizza for our rehearsal to keep the cost down. We don't want to be in debt.

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