Is it ok that i don't invite my wedding parties Sos to the rehearsal dinner?

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I don't think people are saying they wouldn't attend the dinner because they can't survive one meal without their SO. I think they would feel bad about their SO being left out. Especially if they were traveling. I know if FH and I traveled for a wedding and only one of us was invited to a rehearsal dinner, we would not attend and just go get dinner on our own somewhere else. I would hate to spend the money to travel and then have to go eat dinner alone somewhere. Your wedding party should be those you are closest to, and as such, you should consider how something like this might make them feel.

View Quoted Comment I can’t really relate when it comes to traveling fir wedding because every wedding or event we ever attended was local. I’m saying people shouldn’t get so butthurt about not being invited to a rehearsal dinner. Just accept that you aren’t part of the wedding party and you aren’t rehearsing anything with them so it’s okay to let your SO go be social without you. My SO was part of a wedding party and they didn’t extend the invite to SO. Perfectly okay with that. That’s their choice. If you are still invited to the wedding you’re good.

We are not having plus ones, but mainly because we are actually doing a rehearsal luncheon. We are still doing a welcome celebration later on for everyone. But it is also case dependent because all of our wedding party is mostly local and their SO's will be working during the day anyway.

If it is a dinner, I would say, yes you need to extend the invite.

If you don't invite spouses, dont be surprised if members of your wedding party decline the dinner all together.

I was the uninvited spouse, FH was a groomsman. We were out of town staying at a hotel. FH told them in advance, he'd rehearse but was not joining them for dinner. Turns out all the groomsman did the same.

The bride actually called at the last minute and asked us both to come because now they had all this extra food going to waste. We still politely declined as we were already seated elsewhere.


In my mind, dinner after rehearsal is not mandatory attendance.

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You are obligated to host (i.e. pay for) food and drinks appropriate to the time of day; if the time of day is a meal time, then you are in fact obligated to host a meal. It does not have to be expensive or fancy, however.

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You should still invite them and let it be their choice whether to accept or decline. Lunch or dinner doesn't matter.

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That's a poor excuse to be rude to your (general you) guests. Survival is an awfully low bar. There are tons of things that I would survive experiencing that it would still be inappropriate to do to me and that I would not enjoy and would be in the right to resent.

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They don't need to be invited to the rehearsal; they just need to be invited to the rehearsal dinner (the social event).

View Quoted Comment Vicky, who sets these rules? I guess I didn’t read the book of obligations 😉 I’ve been to several informal dinners after ceremony rehearsal where everybody paid for their own food at a restaurant. Nobody had an issue with it.
OP stated she is on a very tight budget, so my focus is on trying to help her find a solution that works for her situation & also allows her to invite SOs.

Polite society, Ivana. That's been common etiquette for hundreds of years. If you want an etiquette source check Miss Manners and Emily Post, two classic sources.

You actually don't know that nobody had a problem with it. I've been in a number of situations where I've been poorly hosted, but I never let on that I had a problem with it - that would have been rude on my part, not to mention uncomfortable. And even if nobody at these specific gatherings minded that they were not properly hosted, that does not make that universally true of everyone; as you can see here, there are people who do care about being treated appropriately. If you're asking the favor of my time, you should host me appropriately afterwards. If you fail to do so, either by not not inviting my SO or not paying for my meal or not serving a meal at all during dinner time, I'm not the one in the wrong if I have an issue with it.

View Quoted Comment I 100% agree. I have been the SO that wasn’t invited to the rehearsal, not the end of the world. Perfect world everyone is invited, and when possible that is the best option, but to REFUSE bc your SO can't come is a little much.

View Quoted Comment Thank you for your unsolicited advice. Like I said, it’s case specific. We have spoken to all of our BP and are all okay with this due to it being a quick lunch after a rehearsal. Not even the younger children involved will be there as not to miss school.

some unsolicited advice for you— be a little nicer in the way you respond to people. You come off quite condescending.

Imo, if you cant scored to host everyone and their SO, you should look at a more affordable rehearsal dinner or not have one. Maybe cook for them yourself or go out for drinks. As a BM, I would find both of those options preferable to telling my fiance he's not invited

I think it depends on whether or not anyone in your bridal party is traveling for your wedding. I know that if I were traveling with my fiance, spending the money to stay two nights in a hotel, and only my fiance was invited to the dinner after we got to the location and I had to "figure something else out for myself" I would be really offended, and quite honestly neither of us would probably attend (I'm not traveling alone for the wedding the next day or trying to go to a restaurant alone in an unfamiliar area!) If it were local and there were no traveling involved I wouldn't mind spending the night at home by myself while FH went to the rehearsal.

Well maybe I'm weird but.... I'm not having a typical rehearsal dinner. After all the money I'm spending on everything else, the plan is to decorate the venue Friday morning, have a practice or two at the processional, etc. Afterwords, everyone/ anyone is welcome to join us at a local restaurant or not. But I have no intentions of paying for everyone's dinner Friday night because I'm paying for a fab dinner + snacks + booze+ DJ + cake + EVERYTHING ELSE on Saturday night. Most of your wedding party should be openly aware of your budget. Also if they've been married before they should understand the financial hurdle you're taking on.

My advice-- KEEP IT CASUAL!!! --don't book dinner somewhere. Just tell people we're headed her for a meal afterwords, you're welcome to join. (Buy people drinks there instead, they'll forget they didn't get their $25 plate of pasta paid for by you)

Also typically the bride doesn't pay for rehearsal dinner, parents do.

Don't go crazy on me folks, it's 2019. Don't feel peer pressured to do something financially stupid by anyone.

It's a luxury, not a right.

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PREACH SISTER. Oh my gosh I am already so sick of how many people you have to be considerate of. I am literally paying $15,000 out of my own pocket for one day so that everyone can celebrate our love for each other. I just think it's crazy to think that I can't have all my best friends stand up at the alter with me if I can't afford to feed all their husbands the day before my wedding. I understand where a lot of these opinions are coming from with out of town guest, but as adults are we really so needy that we would be upset that our partner separated from us for 3 hours the day before a wedding to practice it and eat a meal with only the wedding party?

I changed my mind and were doing pizza at a local spot. No it isn't what I wanted to do but since being polite seems to be the most important thing to people and not my financial awareness or food preferences, i'll have to suck it up.

They 100% should be invited. You're in the wrong here.

Also, you don't have to have a rehearsal if budget is an issue. Literally everyone knows how to walk down an aisle and then stand there. But if you ARE going to have one, you should invite SO's

Yes, significant others are a social unit and must be invited together to social gatherings. To be honest, I don't go to any social event where my husband is not invited. Not that I can't be without him, but on principle alone. We invited our bridal party's SO's and only my MOH and one groomsman brought theirs.

I know rules of etiquette have been there for 100s of years and traditionally the bride's family also paid for the entire wedding. Dowries used to be the norm (exchange of goods to groom's family for agreeing to marrying their daughter). People used to throw rice at newly weds (now we know that harms birds and insects). Bouquets were originally used because deodorant wasn't invented yet. Times have changed people. It's 2019.

We need to be money savvy. I'm not saying you should be a disrespectful person, but a Rehearsal dinner is just that. It's meant for people who are rehearsing for the ceremony. If dinner is had afterwords, people can pay for themselves, unless you have the cashflow to cover everyone. It's super nice, but not a MUST.

Having a financially responsible wedding is the first step to starting a financially responsible life together.