Is it ok to ask the wedding guests to pay for their meal?

It's not okay. The dinner is to thank them for coming to the ceremony and you have to pay. And if you can't afford dinner for 14 people, then you just need to elope. Or do cake and punch at a non-meal time.

It's not good etiquette to ask someone else to pay for your celebration. Your circumstances aren't actually that unusual.

Maybe it would be better to host the party as a potluck, where each guest brings a dish? I would recommend that you take care of the entree though.

View Quoted Comment

Potucks are still passing the cost of the event onto the "guests". If they are truly guests, the entire event should be hosted.

View Quoted Comment You are still having guests pay by doing this. Also there is no oversight for food safety (correct temperatures and potential allergens among other issues) and many guests don’t have a way to cook unless they are local. A potluck is great for a family reunion picnic but not a wedding.

View Quoted Comment This 💯 percent.

Is the dinner replacing your reception? Are you all meeting at a restaurant?

Respectfully no! If you can’t afford then do not host the party

We had something similar, but we payed for our guests. They all came through to pay the tip. It was only 7 of us so not much but we didn’t personally ask them to pay tip they decided that right there’s and then.

I had a really small wedding and we went out to eat afterwards to celebrate and everyone paid for our portion and split the bill amongst themselves. I still don’t know how much that bill was. We also went to a bar and my brother and sister paid for that as well…. They might be understanding about the circumstances.

I went to dinner after attending a wedding at the courthouse of my little cousin- she and her husband were POOR Af and I wouldn’t think of them paying for me. I think it would depend on who you invited. Parents - siblings, close relatives and even closer BFFs that know your financial situation would probably understand. If it had been a distant relative or not super close friend I would have given side eye if they wanted me to pay… maybe consider who you are inviting and how close they are to you.

You don't expect other people to pay for your party. If people offer at the moment, great, but you can't ask them to do it. It's just not good etiquette.

In general, if you invite someone to a celebration, they are considered your guest. Making them pay for their meal, in my opinion, would be impolite.

View Quoted Comment

Exactly. If they know you and know your situation they wouldn't balk at paying/splitting the bill and YES for paying for the couple. It is completely dependent on the situation and the people you invite.

Have you considered asking your parents (other family) or a close friend suggesting those invited split the bill and pay for you guys? It would be better if it is suggested and framed in this way before your nuptials. Maybe one of them can host it for you instead of doing it yourselves?

View Quoted Comment

Still no. It's not OK to ask other people to pay for your party. It's rude.

In Japan, guests are often expected to pay for their own meal. It is a form of helping out the new couple in their new life together (lessening debts in order to live a worry-free life together). It also sends out good intentions from the guests - they are not coming for the free food or free party, they are coming to celebrate your day with you, be it at a cost or not. In the guests' understanding, it should not be the burden of the couple to entertain them, it is THEIR day after all. I find that this practice is reflective of a thoughtful culture especially like Japan's and should be applied everywhere else. If the 14 people are your close friends, and not just people you invited to save face, they will definitely understand your stance about this.