Is it okay to be completely involved in your own bridal shower?

It is a big deal because a shower is specifically for "showering" the bride with gifts. Unlike the wedding, where a guest would be within etiquette to not bring a gift, at a shower the entire premise is to show up with a present. So planning your own is considered poor manners, as it looks like a gift grab.

Ok originally you said you only wanted them to pay for their dress now you're adding that you don't want them to have to plan it either. That's fine if you don't want them to pay or plan, but you don't need to have one. Planning it for yourself is generally thought of as in bad taste.

ETA: If you don't mind it being perceived as "come to this party I planned so you can give me gifts", then that's fine.

@ SoontobeNicoleEstevez Its tacky because the bridal shower is supposed to be their gift to you. If you don't want them to plan or pay for anything then simply skip the bridal shower all together.

As I said in my previous statement I've specifically said I didn't want gifts. I've told all the ladies to just bring themselves and be prepared to relax so no its not "gift grabby" .

I attended a second baby shower that someone threw themselves and I was appalled at how greedy that seemed. I would be equally appalled at a bride planning, paying for and hosting her own bridal shower. It would strike me as greedy and/or I would assume either her friends family didn't care enough to host plan and pay or she was a controlling loon that tried to take over and the bridal party said f it do it yourself

But people aren't as unconventional as you SoontobeNicoleEstevez so many will still bring gifts requested or not. Unless you're not calling your party a bridal shower

@estevez, do you have a registry and will the info be sent out to guests on the shower invite? Or will the invite say no gifts please? If it's the latter than what is the point in even having a bridal shower? More attn for yourself?

No there's no registry for it. And it's not about wanting to be center of attention. I find traditional showers tedious so since every kept one telling me I just couldn't skip it I chose to have one that wouldn't be a bunch of women sitting around talking about the wedding and giving me stuff I don't need. Its ultimately along the lines of a catered spa day and Yes I am calling it am bridal shower because it is what I WANT for my bridal shower. I do not think I am wrong for planning it myself, neither should any other bride who decides not to be cookie cutter.

If someone comes to your spa day that you have called a bridal shower with a gift are you going to turn it down or accept it?

My friends know not to bring me stuff. So it won't come up.

I'm the same way for everything (birthdays, holidays). I don't like friends giving me gifts. I've never been comfortable with it, it's how I was raised

You don't want to be cookie cutter, but you're having a spa shower and doing it cuz others told you you have to? Sounds like you're not breaking the mold. Why are people pushing you to have one but don't care enough to help you plan it? That's really kinda sad.

SoontobeNicoleEstevez, are you paying for your guests spa treatments, or will they have to pay?

I'll be honest... if it was my friend or family, I wouldn't care who threw the shower. Where I'm from we all know that if someone's getting married or having their first child there is going to be a shower. How it got planned really doesn't matter to me.

I know it's semantics/words, but what you're suggesting, SoontobeNicoleEstevez, isn't a shower. It's a get-together. The word "shower" means presents. I'd suggest not using the word "shower" because it's not - it's a get-together/spa day - which is completely ok. But the word shower implies other things.

It's not very polite to imply that someones friends or family doesn't care about them either.

...Just sayin.

I'm not always polite. I'm just going off what she's saying. She usually finds showers tedious, she originally wanted to or was contemplating skipping it but every(one) told her she can't.. That's not very considerate on their part is it?

I think Erica's right. There's absolutely nothing wrong with a bridal party get- together, especially if it's a fully comped spa treatment day. It sounds kind of terrific, actually. But, it's not a shower. It sounds like a really nice gift for them.

Kemmie. Because I'm sure you didn't mean for your assumption to be as rude as it came across, I'll clarify why it is not "sad". My friends and family asked if I wanted a shower, I told them no because 1. i know what their finances are and wouldn't ask them to foot that bill and 2 I'm not particularly not a fan of them. They all insisted that we all needed to do something together and that there had to do there had to be something I wanted to do, and that my shower could be whatever I wanted it to be. So after looking around online I decided I just wanted to do a spa day. I footed the bill and invited my bridal party to enjoy themselves.When anyone asked why i didnt tell them before I paid for everything myself I explained that I didn't want them to do all that for me(which was understood because it's similar to my aversion to birthday parties) and that I just wanted to spend time with all of them without everyone having to run in and out coordinating things.

I understand where the term comes from but basically it's a get together and can be whatever you want it to be.

Kind of ironic when we're talking about proper etiquette.

Erica: I understand that. And i know whats generally implied by the term, but had I not called it a Spa Bridal Shower, it never would have pacified anyone. This way they can have the shower they feel like I must have and I don't have to sit uncomfortably surrounded by people staring at me waiting to have me open gifts I'm not comfortable getting in the first place.